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Old 11-20-2010, 10:29 PM   #1
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Unhappy Was I raped

I was with a male friend of mines, we do have sex occasionally. This particular night he came to my house, and we were talking (Its pretty evident he's been drinking). He wanted to have sex I said no, that I didn't feel like it. He then asked me if he could go down on me, I gave in and said yes. I then noticed he was undoing his pants, and I again told him no and to stop. He said no, and then forced himself between my legs and began to have sex with me, and I was crying and begging him to stop... But he wouldn't. Is this considered rape, even though I allowed him to perform oral sex on me?

 
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:50 AM   #2
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Re: Was I raped

If you say no....it's rape.

 
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Old 11-22-2010, 12:39 PM   #3
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Re: Was I raped

Yes. I think what you describe would be considered rape or sexual assault, since the sexual contact was not consensual. But, would a prosecutor charge the case, and would a jury convict? That's less clear, given the extraneous circumstances (past history of sexual encounters, consent to some sexual contact on the night in question, no other witnesses....)

Regardless of what you do, I hope you write this guy out of your life.

 
Old 11-22-2010, 07:52 PM   #4
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Re: Was I raped

Yes, I have definitely written him out of my life. I haven't talked to him since that night.

 
Old 11-22-2010, 11:42 PM   #5
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Re: Was I raped

Hi
First off Im sorry you had to go through that. Its traumatic no matter who says anything else.
I just wondered what was his reaction after that, did he leave immediately, did he apologise or did he spend the night? Did he show remorse or atleast acknowledge that he was sorry?

 
Old 11-23-2010, 09:33 AM   #6
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Re: Was I raped

Quote:
Originally Posted by fjeeva001 View Post
Hi
First off Im sorry you had to go through that. Its traumatic no matter who says anything else.
I just wondered what was his reaction after that, did he leave immediately, did he apologise or did he spend the night? Did he show remorse or atleast acknowledge that he was sorry?

After it happened, he didn't except responsibility for had just happened. He tried to play it off, and say how he thought I was joking when I was telling him no. He didn't realize how serious I was. When I tried to tell him that I felt he taken advantage of me... he says "I never rape someone in all my life", he was in denial then; and is still in denial now.

 
Old 01-10-2011, 05:00 PM   #7
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Re: Was I raped

yes, honey. that is rape.
it was not your fault.
you are not alone
and no one has the right to do to you what he did.
please get a Therapist to work with!
please do not carry this alone!
I have been raped - and I know the road you are on
you will need support

 
Old 01-10-2011, 05:08 PM   #8
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Re: Was I raped

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michellegirl24 View Post
I was with a male friend of mines, we do have sex occasionally. This particular night he came to my house, and we were talking (Its pretty evident he's been drinking). He wanted to have sex I said no, that I didn't feel like it. He then asked me if he could go down on me, I gave in and said yes. I then noticed he was undoing his pants, and I again told him no and to stop. He said no, and then forced himself between my legs and began to have sex with me, and I was crying and begging him to stop... But he wouldn't. Is this considered rape, even though I allowed him to perform oral sex on me?
Yes, if you did not agree to intercourse, then it is rape... although I'm not sure a jury would convict him. Rape cases are always difficult to get convictions on, since it usually boils down to your word against his. Under the circumstances you describe... I feel like a jury would be very reluctant to convict.

I really think some guys (and maybe a few women, too) need more training and education on this sort of thing. Perhaps it should be covered in high school health class: the issue of consent, and the fact that consent to one act does not automatically mean consent to another act, or to every act.
Too many men- especially young men- seem confused on this point.

I'm sorry this happened.
I hope you end your relationship with this individual.

 
Old 01-11-2011, 07:35 AM   #9
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Re: Was I raped

I'm really sorry for what you went through, him being drunk is no excuse. To me there is nothing worse then a guy who abuses a girl in any way. It's common for abusers to deny their abuse in order to justify their actions. What he did was rape and it's even worse that he tries to play it off as insignificant.

 
Old 01-20-2011, 01:47 PM   #10
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Re: Was I raped

No means No.

It's your body, if you did not consent, then it is rape. No excuses.

If you have not sought help, I would recommend seeking support of others in your situation.

I guess this goes without saying, but he shows up again, call the police and don't open the door.

 
Old 01-21-2011, 09:06 PM   #11
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Re: Was I raped

Yes, it's called "date rape."

Though state law actually defines what rape is, for instance, in Vermont a husband can force himself on his wife who is saying no, but across the bridge in New Hampshire that case would be criminal rape. I'm not sure but in some states it could be consider aggravated rape or aggravated sexual assault.

Most likely you could file a police complaint and it will be taken seriously and whether you do or not is your decision. (Unless you go to the police in which case the decision "not" to prosecute will likely be removed from you.)

The degree of feeling (emotional) violation is personal to you. Some would feel terribly violated, and suffer to varying degrees, others might be merely angry. Others have pointed out you at least should try to find a (if you can afford it) psychotherapist to work through your feelings.

A very excellent book that may be useful that is probably in your library < edited > is "Courage to Heal."

You did nothing wrong--he did. Remember that.

Last edited by hb-mod; 01-22-2011 at 12:34 AM. Reason: Please do not post unapproved website links, per Posting Policy. Thanks!

 
Old 01-22-2011, 02:34 PM   #12
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Re: Was I raped

First, let me say that I am very sorry that this has happened to you. It is definitely rape if you said no. It does not matter was happened before you said no, once you said that he should have stopped. That is certainly date rape. I hope that you are able to put his *** in jail for it. I know it can be very hard to go through the court system, but ultimately, it will be much better for your overall health if you do. I too am a kidnap/rape/torture survivor, and every day I wish I was able to put the three men who attacked me behind bars. Unfortunately, I was in Mexico looking for a cheap source of sterling silver at the time. And even though I was held and raped repeatedly and beaten for over 16 hours, nobody in our legal system was able to do anything about it. If you ever need any help pressing charges, or if you just need someone to talk to, I am here for you.

 
Old 02-06-2011, 02:46 AM   #13
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Re: Was I raped

I am sorry, but no wonder the world is messed up... people are instantly told that they are victims and need to see therapists.

Dont ever start thinking that you were a victim and were raped, or you will get ****** off with yourself. Tell yourself it was a bad experience, (we have all been there where we dont want it but do it anyway) I am not condoning rape or saying that it wasnt rape... just saying that you have two choices, call it rape and become a victim... or put it down as a bad sexual experience.

We all have a bit of rough sex sometimes, and the minute you started to cry, or say no, he should have stopped. Whether the alcohol or the horniness in the moment was a factor, he still should be dealt with, but not via police/courts, because it wont stand.

 
Old 02-06-2011, 08:35 AM   #14
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Re: Was I raped

So tell me relux sufferer, how many girls have you forced to have sex with you even though they were crying and saying no? She didn't just not want to, SHE SAID NO. Your response is unconscionable--you're effectively blaming for the victim for speaking out. This is how rape is perpetuated in our society, and how the rapists get away with it and continue to force women into acts they're uncomfortable with. No means no, period.

 
Old 02-06-2011, 02:15 PM   #15
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Re: Was I raped

Quote:
Originally Posted by misspiggie View Post
So tell me relux sufferer, how many girls have you forced to have sex with you even though they were crying and saying no? She didn't just not want to, SHE SAID NO. Your response is unconscionable--you're effectively blaming for the victim for speaking out. This is how rape is perpetuated in our society, and how the rapists get away with it and continue to force women into acts they're uncomfortable with. No means no, period.
Read it again! The guy that did it needs to be shot, I said that he was wrong... I was simply saying... don't be a victim over it.

I've had a few bad experiences and I play them down in my mind and I have no emotional issues at all anymore.

I happen to like women alot, I thinnk rape is disgusting, and the fact that you suggest that I have raped women is disgusting and shows your true character.

My messages are clearly not getting through!

 
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