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Old 01-18-2011, 06:23 PM   #1
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was i molested? does this count? i was 7..

When I was seven years old I had a best friend who would come to my house about twice a week. She was a girl like me, and seven like me. We'd go on the computer or watch tv and do normal kids stuff. One day on the computer she typed in a porn site and had me watch it with her. she didnt make me, she just showed me. I hadnt been introduced to sex yet by ANYONE so I didn't really know what I was looking at...then she turned around and asked if I wanted to go upstairs and do what we had just watched, so we did and she kissed me and undressed and licked me in different places...It didn't feel very wrong, but i subconsiously knew it was because I'd make sure the door was closed. I'd invite her to come over more often, and I always put that in the back of my mind until recently I saw a similar situation on a TV show that reminded me of that. the "sex" continued until I was 9 and moved away because my parents wanted to. Since then i've experienced many different traumatic events including my sister having cancer when she was 16 and I was 12, being raped, being raped by 2 guys at once and just again this past new years. Ive been physicaly and emotionally abused by every boyfriend i've ever had, I've developed a hatred towards men and i sometimes use them for sex just to get back at them for hurting me so badly.
Is my life so messed up because I was introduced to sex at such an early age? I was 14 when I actually first had sex with a boy. It all just doesn't really make sence to me...and I can't really tell my friends..

 
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:34 PM   #2
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Re: was i molested? does this count? i was 7..

Don't think of it as whether or not "it counted". It was inappropriate sexual behavior by a girl who was obviously being molested herself. She was acting out what was being done to her with you.

Molestation involves a more powerful person doing something to a powerless person. You weren't powerless, just very embarrassed and confused. But when we grow up, we suddenly see theses things we did at kids through an adults eyes and are horrified. Trust me, this goes on more than you think but in your case, it went way too far.

But you have definitely been traumatized by the rapes and for that, you should seek some counseling. A therapist, a rape counseling center...find someone who can help you deal with the rapes.

If anything, I think YOU think you have a problem as you let her do this stuff to you and you feel very guilty and I can tell you...don't. You didn't know what she was doing. Many girls(and boys) have been very confused by the good feelings they felt when being sexually stimulated as a child and then realizing it was not a good or "right" thing to do. But yet it felt good. It's okay to feel good. It's meant to be pleasant. This girl had no idea what she was doing and neither did you.

Forgive yourself for doing it and even enjoying it. Realize that she was the one being molested and she was showing you what someone was doing to her. You were both the victims of her molester.

And please, please, get some help for yourself. You don't have to suffer from this.

gentle hugs...........Jenny(been there)

 
Old 01-19-2011, 05:07 PM   #3
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Re: was i molested? does this count? i was 7..

wow thank you so much that was so helpful. i've noticed that its completely sexualized me as a human being, though. im naturally super flirtatious and i thnk about it all the time. i use it like a drug to get over being cheated on and when i get in fights with my parents and i feel like the reason i do this is because of my childhood. sometimes when i went to her house shed just be looking at me and start kissing me or like have me take baths with her and rub herself,,,i guess it just tainted my mind. children arent meant to be exposed to that. i feel sorry fr her and sometimes we talk but we never bring that up. anyways your so nice, thank you for what you said it helped alot. <3

 
Old 01-19-2011, 06:32 PM   #4
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Re: was i molested? does this count? i was 7..

You were both victims of her molester. You did nothing wrong but when it stays in you that you might have(or you did) then you end up thinking about yourself in very negative ways.

You didn't entice her or do anything wrong. Nor did she. You were both victims only she knew who was doing this to her and you hadn't a clue....so you have probably blamed yourself for years. And it was never about you.

Do go to a rape crisis center and talk to someone. They will understand and tell you that however you reacted to both the childhood experiences and the teen/adult rapes, you aren't causing it. You are merely reacting to the very abnormal experiences you've had in your life.

I can tell you want to change this so do it. Find someone to help you and make the changes you want to. Some say you can't go back but I say we can. We can re-make ourselves into whoever we want to. You can stop taking revenge on others and you can stop being the little girl who was molested via another little girl. I had 15 molesters and I am not that girl anymore....haven't been for a long time. I am me with my own morals and boundaries and a healthy sex life. I've been married for almost 36 years, have 2 adult children, 1 grandchild and another on the way.

You can have a very normal life. But it does take work.

Love yourself and find some help to change. You can do it.

gentle hugs.............Jenny

 
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