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Old 01-29-2011, 06:42 PM   #1
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Unhappy Abuse from Family Members

I have been raped and abused from two different family members at two different times in my life. My older nephew (of 3 years) molested me for years (around ages 5 to 9) and it ended in Rape. My Brother raped me when I was engaged to my husband and living in my brothers house while we were looking for a place to live. I didnt tell anyone until over a year later.

About a year ago I came out and told everyone what had happened to me. My family responded first by saying the abuse in my childhood didnt happen then said it shouldnt have happened and just left it at that. The issue with my brother was barely even addressed. I have serious problems because of the issues that have happened to me but my family acts like its nothing. My brother is still invited to family occassions and Im expected to smile and act like nothing is wrong... Can you imagine eating thanksgiving dinner with your rapist sitting across from you?

I dont know how to make my family understand how this makes me feel. I am going to look into therapy next week because of a lot of seriously unresolved issues i need to work out. Has anyone on here had to keep seeing their abuser even after the abuse has been made known? How can you deal?

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Old 02-02-2011, 08:37 AM   #2
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Re: Abuse from Family Members

hi ladyjenova, i'm so sorry you have to deal with such an experience, i know from experience (was molestested by our maid from age 5-7, my family friend at 9 and by my cousin at 10- 12) that you are going through alot of hurt and disappointment about the whole thing and to finally let your family into the know of your possible hurt and have them treat it with such nonchallence is even worse. in my case i blamed myself for alot of years cos i thought i had probably done something wrong, i fear men when they show any form of interest in me and because i was introduced to pornography very early in life i'm still struggling with it.
but dearie we cant expect the world to be there for us all the time, or for them to understand how it is we are feeling, this hurt, this disappointment is what we have to deal with ourselves, we have to move beyond what has happened and try (i know it is really hard) to forgive those that have wronged us: your bother and nephew.
i dont want to be unrealistic because i know it is hard, i'm 25 now and i'm still dealing with it and i made a decision to stop the hurt right at the point where it is, if i dont forgive them i'm the one who keeps getting hurt and they most probably have moved on.
hiding is not going to do it, so yes you have to go to those funtions with your head held up high and keep living, you owe yourself that much.

 
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:34 AM   #3
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relux sufferer HB User
Re: Abuse from Family Members

I would move cities/country and start a new life, your family might suddenly sort themselves out.

I don't let memories upset me anymore, I just learn to change thoughts, when your mind is on something else, its easy.

I am sorry to say but your family are gutless and dont deserve you.

 
Old 04-20-2011, 10:51 AM   #4
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Re: Abuse from Family Members

I totally know what you are going through. I am facing a very similar experience right now. My brother raped and molsted me from the time I was 6 until i was 17. I haven't told anyone in my family for fear that they will believe him and not me. But yes i understand the feelings associated with having to look your attacker in the face for quite a bit of time. I know the feeling of having to pretend that what happened, didn't happen, and to be honest it only makes the feelings that i'm the one in the wrong, that much worst. I hope you don't feel that way, and that they answers you seek are here. I know I am looking for them as well. With the holidays coming up this weekend, I know that I am going to have to face both of my attackers ( as much ex, who raped me and physically beat me 6 months ago, is living with my brother and attends all the family functions as well) and its hard. Its hard to see them, knowing what they have done to you, but i agree for your sake, you need to keep your head held high. You did nothing wrong... it should be them hanging it down in shame, not you! I hope it all works out for you.. Stay strong!

 
Old 04-20-2011, 01:43 PM   #5
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Re: Abuse from Family Members

Your best bet is to see a psychologist at least once a week...

 
Old 04-21-2011, 02:23 PM   #6
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Re: Abuse from Family Members

Hello, I have been through similar experiences but I chose to cut off contact rather than stay in touch with my family, so I can share what it's like to not have contact. For me it was empowering to leave, it showed my abuser that they could no longer keep tabs on me, no longer play with my emotions. It was not easy to leave, it created a lot of rifts in my family, I was definitely outcast for speaking the truth, but this was 9 years ago, and I have found that I'm better off without them. In my opinion family should be loving, supportive, and believe you. My family didn't fit this, so as painful as it was at the time I left. I stay in touch with my mom over the phone, and we have to avoid the subject in order to get along, but I chose to live 1500 miles away from all of them, and for me, I'm not sure I would have come as far in my healing if I had stayed. I know I made the right decision for me. I'm not telling anyone to leave there family's, just sharing what it's like to leave. I would suggest staying close to the family that isn't abusive, try not to get stuck alone with the person that has abused you, even for moment, they may use that opportunity to say something to you that may be really upsetting and they know you won't say anything and ruin Easter, so they gain power by controlling your emotion. You do have the ability to avoid this aspect of it, even if you have to go and be in the bathroom for a while to get space, just say your not feeling well. And if it gets too intense, you can always leave, make up some sort of excuse and get out of there, you don't need to compromise your well being for anyone else- not even for family.

 
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