So with the holidays approaching... I'm facing a huge issue. My family doesn't know that I was raped ( by my brother and my ex). They do know that I don't want to be around either of them. My entire family knows that I can't stand to be around them. They know that at one point my brother has physically assulted me, but they think thats what brothers and sisters do. So I called my Gram the other day to see if she had heard whether they were coming or not ( because where my brother goes, so does my ex). I was told, that she wouldn't tell me. I asked why. She said that if she said yes, then she knew that i wouldn't show up for Easter and she didn't want to take that chance. So i said fine, then I just won't come at all. She said that her and my granspa are getting older and how would i feel or life with myself if i didn't show up and then they died. That would be on my shoulders and i would have to live with that forever. She said that my son is never going to remember who they are because i am so scared of seeing my brother. They don't know why... I don't want them to know.. It would kill them, and i don't feel like i should have to defend myself to them. I don't want them to look at me the way they always have. My dad also doesn't seem to care that i don't want to see my brother. The problem with this one is even more complicated because i live just down the street from my dad, so when they ( brother and ex) go to my dad's house then they can just walk down the street to my house. I have asked my dad and my stepmom to call me if they show up there so that i can leave, but they both have said that they won't do it. I am repeatedly being told to just get over whatever it is between us. That unless he murdered me (which he clearly hasn't) that nothing he (they) could have done that either i didn't warrent or that was all that bad. They would never understand. So what do i do. If i don't go to these family functions this weekend, then i feel hugly guilty for taking that away from my son. And my family will never forgive me for not showing up either. They wouldn't understand. And if i do go, then i have to put on my happy face and pretend that i love my brother and i can be around my ex. They will all expect me to hug him, and show him that i care. How do i do that to the person who stole everything from me. The very person who from the age of 6 molsted and raped me some days for hours and hours... How do i sit across the table from my rapists and not want to die. How do i go and see them, and not have flashbacks and not be right back in the position i've been struggling to get out of. So what do I do. Either way i feel like i am the one losing, and suffereing... I either live with the guilty of taking it from my son and the rest of my family making me feel the same way... or i go and suffer by having to look at them for hours and pretend that they haven't hurt me in the worst possible way. If anyone has any help that would be great. I don't know what to do and i'm scared and they are fast approcahing which is only making it worst... I'm sorry.... Please help if you can
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: slowlydyin kaylasdad (05-19-2011), rastro (01-15-2012)
What the hell are you doing go and sue your rapers, your not a child now get them in prison. Your family letting that asault go with this comment "That unless he murdered me (which he clearly hasn't) that nothing he (they) could have done that either i didn't warrent or that was all that bad" makes it so touching and caring.. and saying"She said that her and my granspa are getting older and how would i feel or life with myself if i didn't show up and then they died" is clearly guilt manipulation, they don't respect you if they do that and you should get mad not go victim mode. " If i don't go to these family functions this weekend, then i feel hugly guilty for taking that away from my son."on the long run he'll be more proud of you if you stood up for yourself and get those trashes in prison then make a happy face for a "reunion". Make certain you get the word in prison they are rapers as well a lot of convicts have familys and they are affected by that so they may rape in return.Think it as revenge.
Last edited by Administrator; 08-01-2012 at 04:35 PM.
You poor thing. I think that you should tell them. But since you can't bear that then you should stay away from all of them. Don't feel one bit guilty about it either.
I'm sorry for all you are going through. Wish there was some way i could help.
With that being said, i really think you should either go to the police or tell someone your close to about what was happening.
Remember you did nothing wrong they did. And they should be held accountable for what they did. It was wrong!
They should be the ones to not want to come around you.That in itself tells you what kind of people you are dealing with.
My other concern is that they are free to walk around and do it to someone else.
I will keep you in my prayers!
Okay I am in no way saying that the situation is your fault, but if the family doesn't know the horror and heinous acts these 2 did to you, how do you expect them to understand why you don't want to be around them? Yes they probably think you are overreacting by asking to be notified when these 2 are around, because they think that you just had a tiff or something. You need to tell your family the truth and you need to go to the police and report this, so that these 2 rapists can get their punishment. As for the gramma guilt trips, blow 'em off, don't let her cause you more stress and pain....you've done absolutely nothing wrong.
So with the holidays approaching... I'm facing a huge issue. My family doesn't know that I was raped ( by my brother and my ex). They do know that I don't want to be around either of them. My entire family knows that I can't stand to be around them. They know that at one point my brother has physically assulted me, but they think thats what brothers and sisters do. So I called my Gram the other day to see if she had heard whether they were coming or not ( because where my brother goes, so does my ex). I was told, that she wouldn't tell me. I asked why. She said that if she said yes, then she knew that i wouldn't show up for Easter and she didn't want to take that chance. So i said fine, then I just won't come at all. She said that her and my granspa are getting older and how would i feel or life with myself if i didn't show up and then they died. That would be on my shoulders and i would have to live with that forever. She said that my son is never going to remember who they are because i am so scared of seeing my brother. They don't know why... I don't want them to know.. It would kill them, and i don't feel like i should have to defend myself to them. I don't want them to look at me the way they always have. My dad also doesn't seem to care that i don't want to see my brother. The problem with this one is even more complicated because i live just down the street from my dad, so when they ( brother and ex) go to my dad's house then they can just walk down the street to my house. I have asked my dad and my stepmom to call me if they show up there so that i can leave, but they both have said that they won't do it. I am repeatedly being told to just get over whatever it is between us. That unless he murdered me (which he clearly hasn't) that nothing he (they) could have done that either i didn't warrent or that was all that bad. They would never understand. So what do i do. If i don't go to these family functions this weekend, then i feel hugly guilty for taking that away from my son. And my family will never forgive me for not showing up either. They wouldn't understand. And if i do go, then i have to put on my happy face and pretend that i love my brother and i can be around my ex. They will all expect me to hug him, and show him that i care. How do i do that to the person who stole everything from me. The very person who from the age of 6 molsted and raped me some days for hours and hours... How do i sit across the table from my rapists and not want to die. How do i go and see them, and not have flashbacks and not be right back in the position i've been struggling to get out of. So what do I do. Either way i feel like i am the one losing, and suffereing... I either live with the guilty of taking it from my son and the rest of my family making me feel the same way... or i go and suffer by having to look at them for hours and pretend that they haven't hurt me in the worst possible way. If anyone has any help that would be great. I don't know what to do and i'm scared and they are fast approcahing which is only making it worst... I'm sorry.... Please help if you can
hi, i really feel 4 u.U must live in fear that every Jtime u leave the housye u will c the cousin and x that betrayed u in the worst possible way. My therapist once told me that quilt is a useless emotion and i try 2 incorbarate that into my life. The only reson u would c your family would b out of guilt.You have to put yourself first. something i bet u never done. Everytme u c them u r raped physically and emotionally over again.U have 2 protect u and your son. your son suffers because u do ,children can sense this. He has 2 be protected physically because these 2 capable of any devient behavior lets not delude ourselves.I can only suggest before u face your family, authorities, u work on the strenght and self-esteem anyone would need after a trauma like that.ask 4 help with therapy,finances 2 move Just like u went on site
4 help u can continue, change is scary
try to open up with your mom or with your dad, they will surely understand you. don't put the blame on yourself because you didn't wish to be raped by your bro and ex. don't be afraid. it's about time for you raise your voice and be heard. my prayers are with you.
The family situation is toxic. You have a right and a duty to protect yourself and your son from these stressors. Most likely there is a lot of denial in your family; your parents don't want to believe their son did such terrible things. No one would want to believe that of their son. You cannot go back in time and undo any of the hurt. But you can protect yourself and your son. Stay away. And please get therapy to get better.
My family and My rapist 
