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-   -   Is it considered rape? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/rape-sexual-abuse/849128-considered-rape.html)

Izzyconrad2 05-11-2011 07:33 AM

Is it considered rape?
 
I already went threw this at my school because my junior year my current boy friend told the school to protect me. I don`t exactly know if i`d call it rape i need advice. When i was 12 a 16 year old that lived next door to me, started giving me signs he liked me. I like him as well. We started getting closer but i would never do anything. We did do it after about a year even though i really didn`t want to i didn`t want him to get mad and leave me. So i did it anyway. I seriously don`t remember much about any of the times we did have sex other then i know we did. It was usually short and right after he was done that was it. That went on untill i was 15 then i finally got the courage to tell him to stop. I got the courage from my anger cause i figured out he was getting married and he was joining the army. Which was so freakin messed up. My boyfriend said it should be considered rape because of his age and mine. But i know at one point i wanted it and i didn`t want him to leave. He was my first and i can`t ever get him completely out of my head. Now he just pops up like once a year from like certain memories. So would this be considered rape. I seriously don`t know.

trystme 05-11-2011 07:48 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
Since you were under the age of consent when this happened it could be considered rape depending on your state laws. In GA, yes it would be statutory rape because he was over the age of 16 and you were under the age of 16. You were too young to consent to sex at age 12 or 13. I'm not sure what the statute of limitations is for this crime in your state but it is possible that he could still be charged with this if you'd like to report it.

The main thing is for you to recover from the ongoing abuse that you suffered from this guy.

Izzyconrad2 05-11-2011 09:15 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
I seriously can`t remember anything even though it happend for 3 years. Only his face and that i wanted it even though i didn`t really know what i was getting myself into. I haven`t seen him since 2008 and i`ll be 19 this year. I just wanted to know why i can`t remember anything other then i know it happened and what he looks like and at one point i wanted to be with him and thought that i loved him. It`s just been kinda eating at me since i told my boyfriend for the first time and we argued other the fact of it being rape. But thank you for clearing that up for me.

rosequartz 05-11-2011 09:28 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
that's not rape
you said you wanted it, you wanted to be with him, and you loved him.
that's not rape, that's you regretting your actions.

Izzyconrad2 05-11-2011 09:36 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
thats why i was confused because people are saying it doesnt matter because of age but even though i didn`t know what i was doing i didn`t want him to leave me i wanted him to be happy and i felt that i loved him but idk

Thisby 05-12-2011 08:42 PM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
What he did would definitely qualify as statutory rape. I'm pretty sure there is no state that allows sex between a 13 and 17 year old.

Statutory rape laws exist not just to protect children, but to protect young teens from getting into situations they might not appreciate the consequences of until later. You see, young teens are easy to manipulate and take advantage of, and don't necessarily make the best choices when it comes to sex.

This fellow took advantage of that, big time. It is very unfortunate that the fellow turned out to be such a jerk but I'm glad you finally found the courage to tell him to stop. I hope he at least respected that and left you alone the minute you did.

Focus on the fact that you did finally stand up to him and put a stop to it, try not to dwell on the fact that you weren't able to before. You were very young.

Izzyconrad2 05-13-2011 05:11 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
Yea he left me alone after that. He was still around for a little bit because he lived next door. But he never tried anything after that. I saw him in 2008 before he went to Iraq and i was mad at myself because i still felt feelings for him and i was sad to see him leave but, now i don`t really think about him unless someone brings him up. He never treated me bad well like abuse or anything i usually didn`t mind doing that. But i was young and i don`t think i knew any better. But i`m over it and have moved on. It was kinda rocky at first because i didn`t understand actually relationships because of me and his relationship but then i meet Brad and have been with him for 2 yrs and 3 months. I will probley never see him again.

StayingAnon 05-17-2011 07:26 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
[QUOTE=rosequartz;4751919]that's not rape
you said you wanted it, you wanted to be with him, and you loved him.
that's not rape, that's you regretting your actions.[/QUOTE]

Untrue, legally he is still at fault for engaging in sexual activity with a minor at the time. You can still press charges against him however it is all dependable on the time frame of how long you delay this. The faster you push forward a claim, the better your chances. The only issue now would be how can you prove that he had engaged in sexual intercourse with you.

krazy2day 05-17-2011 10:34 PM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
In one post you say youre over it and yet another you say it bothers you when his name comes up. I would hate for this to linger around in your conscious for years to come and because you are quite young, I 'strongly' suggest you try to find some counseling.

I was a few yrs older but I had a similar situation where I was infatuated with a guy and wanted to be with him. Instead, there come a day when he and his cousin... (enough said). Somehow I managed to repress the whole incident for 8 years. It didnt help matters that I had a miscarriage (before realizing I was even pregnant) 3-4 mths later. It was all a big mess and I actually came to this site to post about that.... (maybe I still will).

I learned later that when our body/mind is in jeapordy we tend to go into a flight/fright mode. Because it was so traumatic to me, I wasn't able to process it and instead pushed it clear out of my conscious. Knowing what I do now, I suggest you try counseling to be certain that's all that really happened. And so you can deal with it appropriately.. and let it go forever.

Thank Brad for me. If he told your school, he's doing the right thing and must care for you a whole lot.

Izzyconrad2 05-18-2011 04:54 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
But i am over it, i don`t really care about it anymore. It was 3 years ago when it ended and i`ve had worse things happening since then with deaths so i haven`t had the time to really think about it. I just wanted to know if it was considered rape. I`ve put this behind me and i`ll never see him again. I`ve almost forgot about him completely because i`ve had someone else in my life for 2 years and 3 months. As far as i see it i`ll never see him again. It doesn`t bother me anymore i put it in my past.

krazy2day 05-18-2011 12:51 PM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
Thats good to hear Izzy..

Kali333 05-18-2011 01:13 PM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
[QUOTE=Izzyconrad2;4751820]I already went threw this at my school because my junior year my current boy friend told the school to protect me. I don`t exactly know if i`d call it rape i need advice. When i was 12 a 16 year old that lived next door to me, started giving me signs he liked me. I like him as well. We started getting closer but i would never do anything. We did do it after about a year even though i really didn`t want to i didn`t want him to get mad and leave me. So i did it anyway. I seriously don`t remember much about any of the times we did have sex other then i know we did. It was usually short and right after he was done that was it. That went on untill i was 15 then i finally got the courage to tell him to stop. I got the courage from my anger cause i figured out he was getting married and he was joining the army. Which was so freakin messed up. My boyfriend said it should be considered rape because of his age and mine. But i know at one point i wanted it and i didn`t want him to leave. He was my first and i can`t ever get him completely out of my head. Now he just pops up like once a year from like certain memories. So would this be considered rape. I seriously don`t know.[/QUOTE]

It depends upon which state you were in.
Every state has different laws regarding sex with minors.
The fact that you were both minors at the time means that it is not illegal in most states.
Additionally, many states have a law that even if you are a minor and he isn't, it's not illegal if there is less than four years' age difference between the two of you. This is probably because most people don't believe high schoolers should go to jail for having sex with other, younger high schoolers, and also because many older high school kids date college kids, and most people don't think that should be illegal either.

If you want to know if what happened is illegal in your state, look up "age of consent laws by state".
You'll be shocked by some of them, lol. For instance, in some states fourteen is the legal age of marriage (with parental consent or judicial bypass). So, any age of man could have sex with a fourteen year old, as long as he marries her first. It's kinda messed up.

Anyway, good luck with your search.

Kali333 05-18-2011 01:22 PM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
Okay, I have answers for you:

The age of consent in Ohio is 16 years old, as specified by Section 2907.04 of Ohio legislation.
[b]However[/b]... there exists a close-in-age exception where an offender can be charged only if 18 years of age or older.
It is possible for both minors to be charged as "unruly" if brought to court.



So, there's your answer.
What he did wasn't illegal since you were both under 18, but if caught you would've both been charged as "unruly".* (below, I've posted Ohio's legal definition of an "unruly child").

Just because what he did wasn't illegal doesn't mean it was morally or ethically right. Would you, at your current age, engage a 13-year-old boy in sex? I'm sure the answer is no. That's because you have morals and values far superior to those of the young man who engaged you in sex at that age.

Best of luck to you.


* [SIZE="1"]2151.022 Unruly child defined.

As used in this chapter, “unruly child” includes any of the following:

(A) Any child who does not submit to the reasonable control of the child’s parents, teachers, guardian, or custodian, by reason of being wayward or habitually disobedient;

(B) Any child who is an habitual truant from school and who previously has not been adjudicated an unruly child for being an habitual truant;

(C) Any child who behaves in a manner as to injure or endanger the child’s own health or morals or the health or morals of others;

(D) Any child who violates a law, other than division (C) of section 2907.39, division (A) of section 2923.211, division (C)(1) or (D) of section 2925.55, or section 2151.87 of the Revised Code, that is applicable only to a child.[/SIZE]

auntdew 07-03-2011 02:36 AM

Re: Is it considered rape?
 
If he had to be 18 for it to be considered rape, then when she was 14/15 and he was 18/19 then it was rape.


Despite the legal issues, when you are that young, as you said you do not understand the consequences of engaging in such activity, while someone who is 16 has more of an idea (though still perhaps not fully).

Whether or not you agreed does not matter, he should never have put such demands on you. In many ways you were still a child.


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