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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 05-13-2011, 07:12 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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slowlydyin HB User
Exclamation Does it ever get easier? Will I ever move on?

Hi there,
So its been a while since the last night I wrote on here... Not because I haven't wanted to but because my life has contiued to sprial out of control. Easter weekend they showed up and broke into my house on two different occassions and on one of the nights they raped me. Well at least one of them did. I don't really remember much... I remember the feelings... but I went into my head. And I remember at one point i was trying to reach for my phone because my friend was texting me because she knew what was kinda going on, so she wanted to make sure i was okay. One of them took my phone from me and text her back. So to make a long story short, she ended up callig the police, who showed up here, after they were already gone. I wouldn't talk to them because i was in shock or whatever. Now she isn't my friend because shes scared and i feel so alone. I have been going to this counseller at a sexual crisis center. She wants me to press charges or go to the police, but no one can understand why i can't do that. No one understands why that would ruin everything farther. I feel so lost, so alone, so much to blame... so at fault. For allowing them to hurt me again. For allowing my friend to become involved and get hurt as well. For not being strong enough to fight them, for not being strong enough to just forget about everything like i have done for so many years. Between starting to talk to this counseller and losing the only person who knew what was going on... I feel right back where i've been for so long. I feel like every day when i wake up its having again and again. Every night I close my eyes i picture the childhood of abuse and the recent abuse. I feel so guilty for everything that has happen though. How do I move on from here? I know that i don't deserve to move on really, (everything thats happen is my fault) but i also know that to gain this friendship back (which i need to do) and to gain at least a little piece of my life back. I need to figure it out. How have you guys moved on? Has anyone truly moved on from this? Do we ever move on or does it always follow us around? How do i stop seeing myself the way that i do. How can i look in a mirror and take back the control that has been stolen...or that ive given away. I know that I can never go back to the person i was before any of this happened... i know that is not possible. to much has occured for me to just go back... but how do i move forward and get on with my life. how do i not think about it every day. Will telling the police or my family really relieve me of all this guilt i feel. i am just looking for advice from anyone. Anything to know that im not alone and that i won't always be like this. Its gotten so bad, that Ive been drinking all the time.. (i can't do that... I have a child at home) I haven't been showing up to work ( I also can't be doing that... i need that money) but my life is fallig to pieces and i don't know what to do anymore..... Please someone help me???????

 
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Old 05-18-2011, 12:05 AM   #2
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krazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB Userkrazy2day HB User
Re: Does it ever get easier? Will I ever move on?

Your first step is accepting it was NOT your fault. This will, in a sense, set you free. I wish I could say it would make everything go away but I cant. Youll have to deal with all of that separately.

Im a little confused on how your friend 'knew what was happening' via text. And why she is no longer your friend. Since she called the police I imagine she fears revenge but its still confusing to me... I guess I didnt understand that part of your post. Do you HAVE to have her to work through this? Im guessing "not really." This is between you and your counselor. If things work out maybe you guys can become friends again later.. but you shouldnt NEED her to get through this. Think of your health first (and your child) as thats all that should matter at this point.

I really hate to hear youre turning to alcohol to cope. That will obviously deepen your troubles and land you in total dispair. Not working goes along with this as well. I totally understand numbing this stuff out and being so down that work doesnt always matter 'right now' but if you can step back and look from the outside in.. you may realize how bad this choice is.

You said you were seeing a counselor.. are you also seeing a psychitrist? I would much rather you see a dr who is trained to deal with these things and who can help you deal with the anxiety part rather than you self-medicating. Perhaps a Dr can prescribe you meds that will at least allow you to function and work and keep everything on the upswing. Think of yourself and your child. I promise if you drown this issue with booze you will likely land yourself in bigger trouble down the road. You certainly dont need that and your young one doesnt need it either. IF you find a dr who treats you with anti anxiety meds.. PLEASE DO NOT mix those with alcohol. Give up the alcohol and trust your drs judgement, let them help you. Theyre not in this mess, their heads are clear and they see and treat this often.

I have mixed feelings about the police being involved. Too often there is not enough evidence to convict (without reasonable doubt) and you are badgered through the process. Then again, conviction would prevent the creep from doing this to anyone else if theyd lock his butt up. I think it all boils down to how strong your evidence is. My opinion on this is that people have a greater chance of conviction when they go straight to the hospital and staff collect their dna. It gets tricky when you 'know' the perpetrator as a defense atty will almost always say that you consented.

You may never forget and you may need lots of help but you CAN carry on with your life and get past this. Take one day at a time. I wish you the best of luck.

 
Old 05-31-2011, 10:35 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ft. Meyers, fl, us
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s711118f HB User
Re: Does it ever get easier? Will I ever move on?

Hi although I really am not one to be talking, you need to recognize that being raped is not your fault. The feelings of guilt and despair are things that can be worked towards overcoming. You should work with your cousenlor in trying to stop identifying yourself as a victim and take control. The more you think about it or just dwell on it the longer it will control your life. You can get through it but you should try and stay away from alcohol and drugs. Keep your child and other family members close because their support is necessary. I made the mistake of staying silent for nearly 4 years but I allowed it to consume me and take over my life. Please do not follow the dark path I did. I am trying to get sober from my drug abuse I have become an insomniac I am extremely self destructive and because I was only 13 when I was raped that was the only sex I knew of. So noe I can't have sexual relationships because I let everyone treat me the same way the rapist did. Unfortunately that is due to the fact that I couldn't open up and try to move on. If you font want to press charges that is your choice and your right. I do not have an opinion either way. However all I know is you should work on keeping yourself involved in not only your normal daily routines but also others lives. It will help you stay healthy and overcome this. You can do it and if you ever need anything I am here to listen.

 
Old 06-08-2011, 11:22 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 24
ladyluv HB User
Re: Does it ever get easier? Will I ever move on?

As a woman i can feel the pain that you feel right now. I would suggest that it's best to consider professional help and try to join in agroup that can also help you to move on. best of luck.

 
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