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Old 05-18-2011, 01:19 AM   #1
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Debating closure.. still cant forgive.. angry

In todays lovely world of facebook my violater(s) sister and ex wife appeared on my page via other peoples comments. Imagine my surpise! I've spent 26 years avoiding my hometown (friends, etc) because I dont want any memories. Now, Im angry all over again. Ive never really been able to forgive and Ive always contemplated ways to gain closure.

This happened at 16 and after it happened several things took place. (1) As I was leaving, one of the guys sister and the other guys wife (one girl) was coming in the house as I was leaving. This girl (along with her friends) proceeded to chase me around town and taunt me for mths. One day I locked my brakes up and got outta my car in the middle of the street because I'd had enough. The cops came and we went our separate ways without incident but they continued to chase me, run me off the road, etc every chance they got. (2) Immediately after the rape the two rapers and their guy friends drove to my best friends house and asked if I was going to press charges (yes, they pretty much admitted it to my friend). My friend reminds me 20+ yrs later that she gave me clothes, a shower, and witnessed lots of bruising on the inside of my legs. We still dont know 'why' we didnt tell an adult and instead kept it a secret. I almost hate her for that. I remembered these details immediately once she told me. (3) About 3-4 mths later I (previously a virgin) had a miscarriage. My friends leaked that it was so-and-so's baby (only one guy penetrated, the other held me down) and then the new girlfriend started causing me grief. This was at the beginning of my Sr year in high school and I had to face these girls and guys daily. I suppose the ONLY way i found to deal with it was to repress it because I forgot all about it until 8 yrs later. I dont remember when i forgot about it. I do know my family 'assumed' I had just became sexually active and I remember letting them think that instead of coming out with the truth. I imagine I forgot around the time I had the miscarriage as that was pretty scarey for a 16 yr old and a lot happened then. I also remember fist fighting with the gf for 40 minutes straight at a local park. She told me to "stop tellin everyone that I lost HIS baby" and I flipped. We both faught til we dropped. I suppose we both had vested feelings of fighting for what we believed. Still, to this day, I have NEVER talked to either of these girls to tell them what truly happened. I assume they think I was merely sleeping around... we were all friendly for YEARS leading up to all of this, even the girls. I trusted the boys. I grew up with them and had been alone with them many times.

So Ive thought about writing a blog and printing it regarding my side of the story. Like, what happened, how I felt, and what I went through. Ive thought about sending each of them a copy. I dont care how much turmoil it causes. I dont expect them to contact me and tell me theyre sorry. I just want the truth to be told. I want them to know how i felt. Ive also thought about catching one of them one-on-one and talking face to face. I feel I need this for closure. I feel like maybe I can forgive them if only they KNOW (or hear) how I felt and what it all cost me. If I were to receive a letter like this I'd certainly read the whole thing. Thats all I want.

What are the cons in doing this? I left that county because my brother still lives there and I didnt need any of this fallin back on him as he tries to protect me yet hes also friendly with these people. Its a small town where everyone knows everyone. I never wanted to put him in the middle which is one reason I probably didnt tell. Its ate me up so bad through the years that I dont even care about that now. I just want them to read what I have to say and I dont care what happens after that. Has anyone confronted their pervs outside of court? And if so, how did you do it and how did it go? Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent.

 
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Old 06-13-2011, 06:49 AM   #2
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Re: Debating closure.. still cant forgive.. angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by krazy2day View Post
.

What are the cons in doing this? .
Hello K,

I fully understand your need to set the record straight but in doing so,your brother may be put in the middle.

Respectfully,
Phoenix
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