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Old 07-27-2011, 06:27 PM   #1
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confused...

Sorry for the long post!
There have been so many times when I have tried to talk, tried to write a blog, tried to do something to off load my anger, my frustration and my fear, yet I have never succeeded. I always get so far then delete everything and go to bed. This time, itís going to work. This time, I have just read an article that had made me re-evaluate my whereabouts on the road to recovery.
The truth is I was raped when I was 17. Even just typing that on the page makes my head spin, saying it out loud is impossible... this surely should have been a sign that I have not even begun to deal with it. Iíve never talked about it and only 3 people know that it ever happened.
At the time, crying about it seemed pointless. I didnít want this thing that happened to ruin my life, I wanted to show myself that I could cope and that I was strong. It led to a string of meaningless one night stands and abusive relationships.
Itís been 7 years and I now have 2 beautiful children. I thought all of this was behind me; I thought I was Ďcuredí... this year the date passed by without a single thought (for the first time). Yet now after reading this article I sit here wondering if this is real or if I am still stuck in the aftermath of rape...
ďThere were times where I refused to have sex with my partners because I was too tired or didnít want to, and in turn, they prodded and bugged me until I gave in. At the time, did I realize that this type of coercion could be defined as sexual abuse or even sexual assault, and that this type of behaviour was abnormal and not something that would happen in a healthy relationship? Of course not. Not until many years later did I realize that.Ē (from the article I read)
...is this where I am? There have been times, after saying no, that Iíve woken up being Ďfondledí but I just assumed that this was a somewhat cheeky but normal part of a relationship? Right now Iím wondering where exactly this leaves me? Iím confused..
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Old 07-27-2011, 08:47 PM   #2
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Re: confused...

Hello sheona,

There is no better time than the present to deal with traumatic situations.

I,for one, am glad that you stumbled upon that particular article.

Have you begun considering a plan of action going forward?

If not,might I suggest therapy?

Those that you are in relationships with must learn to respect your boundaries and if they choose to ignore you,remind them where the front door is.

You have been carrying this weight for too long and you owe it yourself to try and unburden the load.

This will have a trickle down effect on your children,as all of you have the potential to benefit from your forward progress.

Please keep posting,if you're up to it.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 07-27-2011, 08:59 PM   #3
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Re: confused...

Honestly, it leaves you in a bit of a mess. Your boyfriend should know that you are not a sex toy for him to use at his pleasure. have you sat him down and talked with him about the rape and how his actions at certain times are a major turn off? If you think this relationship is serious and headed down that wonderful isle into wedded bliss, these are some of the things you need to work out before the weddings.

No one has a right to use your body for anything unless you say it's okay, and it is that simple. but you have to stick to your guns, it doesn't work to let yourself be guilted or pouted into saying, "Oh fine, lets jsut do it".

 
Old 07-28-2011, 01:35 AM   #4
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Re: confused...

hi i know what u feel i to was raped when i was 13 but the thing i can tell u is see a doctor i let mine take over i crushed down nearly hurting my family i am getting there now with the help of family and doctors u will also get there xxxx

 
Old 07-28-2011, 03:13 PM   #5
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Re: confused...

Hello sheona,

You've made progress by simply posting .

I realize the difficulty that accompanies sharing situations such as this and both hope and pray you will continue on a path that helps unburden your load further.

Safe wishes for you and your family,
Phoenix
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