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-   -   Is this considered rape? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/rape-sexual-abuse/871161-considered-rape.html)

aekr4 09-27-2011 06:58 PM

Is this considered rape?
 
I was in a relationship that was controlling, he stoked me, called me a hours of the day, he worked with me and was the ascendant manager. When I try to break things off he would threaten my job. He would force himself on me but never absuse me and I would just give in because he wouldn't take no for a answer, I did not fight back. After we broke up he wanted to talk to me for a last time and I said Ok. He wanted to have sex and I said no a few times, he then cornered and pulled my pants down and I just gave in. I feel like it was rape, but I did not fight back and I got pregnant! I'm very confussed because I kept the baby and I have not told people about this because I did not fight back. Also, he is my babies dad and I have to deal with him for the rest of my life!

Phoenix 09-28-2011 04:58 AM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
[QUOTE=aekr4;4850908]He would force himself on me but never absuse me and I would just give in because he wouldn't take no for a answer, I did not fight back.

After we broke up he wanted to talk to me for a last time and I said Ok. He wanted to have sex and I said no a few times, he then cornered and pulled my pants down and I just gave in. I feel like it was rape, but I did not fight back ![/QUOTE]

Hello aekr4,

What you're saying is that his M.O. is forcing you into submission and this constitutes rape.

For whatever reason,whenever you stop resisting,he takes the opportunity to have his way.

It's one thing if that was what the two of you were into but it doesn't seem consentual.

Your true friends will understand the situation.

The best way to deal with this guy is with a long handled spoon.

If he wants custodial rights,let him go through the courts and by all means file for child support,if you feel so inclined.

Respectfully
Phoenix

Hinminpix 09-28-2011 01:16 PM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
First of all, I am very sorry that this happened to you.

Secondly, you should know that he was/is abusing you. Forcing himself on you, whether you fight back or not, is rape. What he did/is doing is NOT okay. If he continues to bother you or contact you in anyway, you should contact the police. You may not feel comfortable doing so but it's for your own good.

As for the pregnancy, you should talk to a doctor about your options and possibly a counsellor as well.

I hope you are okay, just know that he does not sound like a very nice person and he should probably not be in your life.

leonap 10-03-2011 08:49 AM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
I am also very sorry this happened to you.if you have to ask,you probabaly already knw what the answer is-YES,,you were raped.Just because you didnt fight back doesnt mean that it was consentual or ok.You are a victime of sexual abuse,he having done this to you before.I am sorry that this has happeneed once again in society.No one shuld have to be victimized.And most of the time it is done by someone known to the person.You r case a so called Boyfriend.he was no boyfriend to you.He probably used control and manipulation to keep you thinking YOU needed him.Seeing you one more time,just gave him the excuse to victimize you again.Sorry you got preagnant under these circumstances.Talk to a social worker,a doctor,a therapist about this man and what he has done.Speak up about his character..Would you trust this man around a child??I wouldnt.Maybe you can get him out of your life,and without having any visiting rights t this child.Why is life so sad and complicated sometimes?Take this experience and make something good out of it,but get this exual predator out of your life for good.maybe he wanted you to have a child,this way he could always stay connecetd and in control of you.Please speak up about what has happened..he doesnt have the right or need to be in your life just because he impreagnanted you.You are worth so much more.keep us updated,and please come back and let us know how you are doing.

rosequartz 10-03-2011 09:14 AM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
it's not just rape, it's sexual harassment at the workplace....have you notified HR?

aekr4 10-06-2011 04:48 PM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
Thank you to everyone who has replied back!

The thing was that he wore me down phyiscally and mentally! I did not know how to get him out of my life. At that time I new he would not take no for a answer, because he had done it to me before. I he threaten my job, stalked me, called me at all hours of the day and would not let me get off the phone. He made me scared I would loss my job, because he would tell them things to get me fired. I wanted to say something but for some reason I felt bad for him and didn't want him to lose his job. I also believe that he got me pregnant on purpose to control me, because I did not want him back! I do not believe anyone would believe me because I did not fight back and it is his word against mine. I also do not want my child to think her father rape me. So for know I have to deal with him.

Thanks

aekr4 08-24-2012 01:32 PM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
I have come to find out from other people that my daughters father has continued his stalking behavior with other women. This really bothers me because I fell like it is my fault that this is going on because I did not tell anyone. I'm very confused because I fell like I should tell someone so this can come to a stop, but this happened four years ago. Also, because this is my daughters father I do not want her to be hurt. I am very confused I'm just scared of this happening to other people. I also think because this happened so long ago nothing could be done!

kanded 09-06-2012 10:23 AM

Re: Is this considered rape?
 
Dear Aekr4:
Its never too late to do the right thing and stamp someone out of your life. I wouldn't want my daughter growing up trusting someone who could potentially be dangerous to her in the future. Is is better for her to feel a little hurt now, or a lot of hurt later? Who knows, but he may possibly just transfer his controlling, obsessive insecurities to her instead of to another woman. That is the way he has learned to treat women. Why stop with his daughter? She is too young to understand now, but she can understand Daddy did something bad and so Daddy should be punished. She doesn't need to know the details now. They can gradually come out over time so she has time to process it. As she grows older and starts asking harder questions, you can answer them. You should get the courts on your side NOW, phase him out. Report him as a sexual predator because he's probably already abusing other women. Maybe others will come forward against him if you come forward. And never leave him alone with his daughter if at all possible. He sounds a little crazy to me.
How old were you by the way when he first started abusing you? If you were a minor that makes everything worse. If not, at any age, that's still rape.
Be strong for you and for the beautiful girl and woman your daughter will one day be.
K.


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