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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 11-23-2011, 11:04 PM   #1
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Really Unsure

Hi, So, I am really unsure if what happened to me is considered rape. Basically, last year when I went to school I had a few occasions where I was left feeling completely taken advantage of and disrespected sexually and emotionally. One situation that occurred is one that I am unsure if is considered rape. It happened after a few months of having a habit of allowing people to take advantage of me and not saying no to sex I knew I didn't want to partake in but did anyways because I wanted to in the moment. So I don't know if this is another occasion where I didn't control myself of if it actually was rape.

so I was at this party and I was at that point having some problems with controlling myself. I was drunk and decided to smoke marijuana for the first time. so I was pretty intoxicated and I need a place to crash. I was feeling pretty lame about the decision I had made. (I've been pretty conservative and had a standard of not partaking in those types of party activities just out of personal preference (not religion or other)) So I wasn't in the best mental state at that time. I decided I just wanted to stay with the friend who was hosting the party. I was tired and just wanted to fall asleep. When I spoke to him about if I could stay he started kissing me and then lead me to his room where he came on to me more. I kept saying I was really unsure and I didn't think this was a good idea. and he said "but its ok if you want to right now. don't you want to right now?" and because it was someone I was interested I was thinking "yes kind of, but I don't think this is a good idea!" and even though I didn't want to I let it happen. and I didn't technically say no. Also, I don't believe he had bad intentions.

I don't know if this is considered rape, But I had several other situations where I didn't really want to but allowed my self to because I wanted to in those moments and I was left feeling completely take advantage of and I continued with this sort of behavior and had several other one night stands with people. So I am wondering if this is considered rape because I continue to have sexual anxiety about these situations, or if this situation is not really a rape but a habit that I made because things that happened to me before this event.

Its mostly confusing because I still have anxiety and times where I really avoid being sexual with my current boyfriend because I just don't want to be touched sexually anymore.

 
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Old 01-14-2012, 02:55 AM   #2
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Sachimi HB UserSachimi HB UserSachimi HB UserSachimi HB UserSachimi HB UserSachimi HB User
Re: Really Unsure

The short answer is yes. You didn't want to, whether you said it out loud or not. You cannot get someone convicted if you did not show or tell them that you didn't want to do it, though ( unless you were incapable, like blacked out or something ).

I think you're smart enough to know that you didn't make the best decisions, but the only thing you can do is to not repeat those mistakes in the future. Peer pressure is hard to deal with sometimes, but you will find that in the future you'll love yourself better if you say no.

I'm not saying "blame yourself", but you need to take some responsibility for your actions. It doesn't sound like anyone took advantage of you, but you let yourself get into the situation and did not voice what you were thinking. You can only move on and make better decisions in the future.

You might want to consider some counselling if it really starts to interfere with your life, and also talk with your partner about how you're feeling and why. People here on this forum can listen, but we aren't the people closest to you. I promise that after you tell someone, you'll feel much better, but it will be a long journey. And it's hard to tell someone something so personal and scary, but it's always worth it instead of keeping it bottled up.

Just to be clear, I'm not trying to be mean or put any blame on you. I empathize with you a bit, and I know how hard it can be.

Good luck!

 
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