It's really hard for me to be doing this But I really need to know, I'm tired of this guilt!
I was 15 years old and a friend of mine called me one day to go to the movies with him I hadn't seen him in a while so I said yes but I said "It's not a date right?" and he said "Don't worry I wont try anything"
This guy was 24.
So I went with him and while we were in the cinema he put his hands up my shirt. I grew up with domestic violence and those memories came back to my head I became scared and froze.I didn't know what to do i just took his hand off but he kept coming back and I kept taking it off. At the end of the movie he said he'd take me home I said I didn't want him to but he came with me. I became even more scared cause now he knew where I lived. After that he kept calling me he want me to go to an hotel with him I kept making excuses and wouldn't live me alone .I got so scared when I was groing up everythime i saw a woman refuse sex she'd get beaten so bad and threatened with knifes I didn't want to be beaten up so I said yes. I didn't know where to turn to.
I really hoped that because we were friends he would give up but he didnt.
It was horrible it hurt soo much I asked him to stop or said that i was in pain but he said its normal. Even though i was unresponsive all the time he didn't stop... I just wanted it to end. It was horrible he even put me inside a wardrobe while he went to get food! Then made me hold him while we slept I tried to get off many times during the night but he would always pull me back.
After that he said "don't tell anyone if anyone you know tells you theyve seen you with a guy say I'm 18"
We never spoke again but I have nightmares somethimes and can't stand being touched.
was this rape or is it my fault like I feel it is?
That is definitely NOT your fault. You should report him to the police and get a restraining order against this guy. He took advantage of you and held you against your will.
The following user gives a hug of support to Sachimi: BIZBH (01-27-2012)
The Following User Says Thank You to Sachimi For This Useful Post: Kimiskim (01-20-2012)
You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's -his- fault, and he was definitely in the wrong! Yes, it's going to be hard to not blame yourself or feel guilty, but eventually you'll realise that you did nothing wrong. I wish the best for you in moving forward!
You were a 15 year old girl. He was a grown man who had no right talking to you in the first place. He is not and was not your friend. He's a disgusting human being who you should report immediately to the authorities. If you don't report him just think about all the young girls who he could be attacking right now and in the future. You have to think of those innocent young girls too and not just yourself. I think that if you report him immediately and get a restraining order that you will feel some closure and will be able to take one step forward. Do not feel guilty. You were just a kid who felt threatened and scared and that ******* took advantage of you. You need to send that piece of **** to jail and give him a permanent record as a sex offender.
