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Old 02-08-2012, 12:37 PM   #1
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FinallyFading HB User
How do I get over it?

Hello, I've not posted here before but I really need to get this off my chest.

I'm at drama school and have been working on a play where my character is a rape victim. The rehearsal process has brought back memories that I had been ignoring for years, of when I was raped, and now I can't stop thinking about it.

I was 13 and had gone out into the garden to put my rabbit back into her hutch. It was dark and she had gone behind the shed, when I went to get her out a man in a black hoodie was there, I turned to run back out and he grabbed me in a headlock from behind and started to strangle me until I couldn't see or stand up. I thought I was going to die and I didn't fight him any more, I just froze. I have gaps in my memory of it but I keep getting like images flashing up in my head and I can't stop them.

Although I have been able to bury the memories for 7 years (I never told anyone, just pretended it hadn't happened) I now see that things like panic attacks, eating disorder, tension headaches etc are very likely caused by it. When I 'remembered' I started being sick, I couldn't eat and was being sick upwards of 10x per day for several weeks and had to get medical treatment. There was no physical cause that they could find and since my panic attacks had gotten drastically worse they put me on meds for PTSD and referred me to a counsellor.

What I am most scared of is that the counsellor will make me go to the police. There's no way I could identify the guy, I could even say what day of the week it happened on so is there any way they could force to do it or would they have to keep it confidential? And I'm worried that because I never told anyone, they won't believe me. I'm also scared to tell anyone because if I had fought harder it wouldn't have happened and I've heard people say things about the character in the play we're doing like 'why didn't she just fight harder? If that was me I wouldn't have given up' and so I'm scared that people will find out and think it was my fault. I'm just a total mess right now and I should be having the time of my life, I just want to get over it.

I just want to forget it again but I now realise that wasn't a magic solution. I'm scared I'll never get over it, is there anyone out there who is managing to live normally? And if so how did you get over it?

I know this is a super long post but I have no one to say this stuff to and I really needed to say it! If you made it to the end, thanks

 
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:01 PM   #2
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ulima HB User
Re: How do I get over it?

hello finally fading.
when i was seven , my cousin who was more of a brother to me did something to me that i never thought i would forgive him for. He was more than twice my age. Everyone was outside playing cricket. When we got tired we paused the game. i realised that my twin sister did not come back out. I looked for her until i found i crying on the varander. Seeing her cry so much made me cry too. I begged her to tell me what was wrong with her, but she was so afraid. She ran to my aunt asking her for a call, but my aunt refused to give her the phone unless she told her what had happened. The door was closed in my face and i still didn't know what was wrong with her. Before you knew it the news had spread and everyone in the house was crying.

I didn't know who to believe, my half brother or my twin sister. Because of the sleepless nights she had i knew she was telling the truth. My mom reached there an hour later crying with my dad who was very angry. He cried and said that she was lying even though the whole family knew he was lying.my twin sister said that she was too afraid to to stand in court and tell a lot of people how how she was sexually hurt. upon till this day this had been a secret in my family. She hated him for year, for he hurt her and never had the guts to say sorry. he disrespected her years making her feel guilty for telling even though she could have sent him to jail. My other boy cu[pon tillthis very day blames her for breaking up the family which allowed her to hate him too.

My twin sister and i have forgiven him even though he didn't apologize. The truth is, you will never forget.this is something you'll have to live with for the rest of your. The only thing that will help you to move on with your life IS TO FORGIVE. i KNOW THAT THIS IS HARD BUT IF YOU DON'T FORGIVE HIM FOR RAPIJNG YOU OR FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR YOU FEEL THAT YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT BUT DIDNT,, YOU CANNOT AND WILL NEVER MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

keep safe.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 10-07-2012 at 07:37 AM.

 
Old 02-08-2012, 05:10 PM   #3
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jennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB User
Re: How do I get over it?

I am a survivor of bad sexual abuse and I would like to share 2 things with you.

One...no therapist is going to force you to report the rape.....and if one does try to make you go, find another therapist. They aren't going to find this guy now(too long ago)so it serves no purpose unless you need to do it to bring some kind of closure for you.

Two....no one ever "gets over it".....instead you learn how to live in spite of it. Bad things happen to very good people and it can destroy you or make you strong, empathetic and resilient. The more you tell people, the stronger you will get. The more you feel their pain for you, the more empathetic you will become as you know their pain too. And as time goes on, you realize you survived a horrible thing and now, you can survive anything...resilient!

You can turn this around and make it the best "bad thing" that ever happened to you because it made YOU a better person.

gentle, peaceful hugs.........Jenny

 
Old 03-10-2012, 03:30 PM   #4
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paisley44 HB User
Re: How do I get over it?

If someone says it's your fault because you didn't fight back more than they are a miserable person. Anyone who hasn't been raped can say, "oh, I would have fought back more and gotten away", but they've never been in the situation so honestly they don't know anything.

 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:07 PM   #5
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Re: How do I get over it?

The therapist will never force you to go to the police, no one can do that.

You don't really "get over it", but you accept it and move on. I am 21 years old and I've been raped about 5 times. I have moved on from each incident. The first few I came to terms with because I had to; I was 8 and 9 when I was raped by the same boys, later I was raped twice at 14 and once at 18. The second one at 14 I went to the police about and he is now a registered sex offender. The others, there is no police record of them.

What you need to do is stay away from them, which in this case should be easy. You need to accept that this is not your fault, and wasn't your fault. You also need to talk to someone about it. Keeping it inside will never help you recover. Talk to a friend, family member, school counselor; someone you trust. The more you talk about it, the more comfortable you will be with the subject, the easier it will be to talk about it and express your feelings, and the freer you will feel. I can now talk about the rapes like it never happened, I say it so casually that it shocks my friends. But I've learned to let go; that was in the past, and you can't let it drag you down and affect your future. So don't be afraid. If people don't believe you, you'll know who your real friends are, and that's the ones that do believe you. It'll explain to everyone why you've been having panic attacks and all of that.

I wish the best of luck to you and I hope you gain the normality, comfort and security that I now feel.
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Old 04-15-2012, 04:40 PM   #6
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Re: How do I get over it?

One of the hardest things that you're going to have to do is forgive the person/people who have done such a horrific thing to you. It's hard and it's going to suck, but it's necessary for you to live your life to its fullest. It's going to be a process. It doesn't mean that what they did was okay or that you're ever going to forget. It just means you're going to let it go and not let it inhibit the rest of your life. When you hate someone, you become their captive. They don't deserve that kind of power.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 10-07-2012 at 07:42 AM.

 
Old 04-21-2012, 04:05 AM   #7
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lamm77 HB User
Re: How do I get over it?

I have been doing it for almost 25 years, my family won't tell me, if I mention it they say lets not talk about it, how will we get better. Panic attacks, night sweats, pstd bipolar panic attacks migraines

 
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