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Old 02-22-2012, 06:33 AM   #1
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I don't know if I was raped

A friend and I had planned on having sex, and at first I was completely willing. He drove six hours to see me. It had been the first time we saw each other in 5 years. The first thing he did when he saw me was take me to the bedroom and jump on me. I pushed him off, wanting to catch up before even thinking about doing anything. He waited a little bit, maybe half an hour, before jumping on me again. I felt guilty, so I let him. Occasionally I would ask him to stop, and he would just change what he was doing. I was too scared (of what he might say or do, he was supposed to be staying with me that weekend) to really do anything to make him stop. So I just sort of let him finish, and that was that. The rest of the weekend I found excuses for us not to be alone together, and he ended up leaving the next day.

At first this didn't bother me more than being just a little uncomfortable. It's gotten progressively worse, and I feel like the worst part about it is that I don't really know what to call what happened. I don't know what I feel, or what I'm supposed to feel like if it actually was rape. At the same time, it doesn't sound like the rape stories I've heard before, and in comparison my experience seems mild. I don't want to lessen anyone else's experience by labeling this a rape if that's not what it is.

I'm incredibly confused. It would really mean a lot to me if I could get some feedback. Thank you all so much, even if you don't respond, for even just reading through this.

 
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:16 AM   #2
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Re: I don't know if I was raped

I don't think it's rape, I think it's a communication problem......
you both had planned on this happenning, you just had different ideas of how it would play out
I don't think it's rape, but I also don't think he's as good of a friend as you thought he was.

 
Old 03-09-2012, 09:31 PM   #3
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Re: I don't know if I was raped

yup, you were raped. There are different ways of looking at it, but it is what it is.

 
Old 03-10-2012, 02:59 PM   #4
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Re: I don't know if I was raped

I don't think it was rape. I do think that you were violated, but that you should have stopped it if you were that uncomfortable with it. Just remember that you never have to feel guilty about not wanting to have sex with a person who really wants to have sex with you even if you did plan on having sex with them previously.

 
Old 03-10-2012, 03:45 PM   #5
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Re: I don't know if I was raped

Hello partlycloudy24,

Know that things don't always have to go as planned.

It seems that he had sex on the brain and was fixated on only this;not getting to know you better,as a person but your body.His leaving the next day,instead of staying the entire weekend was proof positive of this.
He could've exercised a bit more class and patience but this wasn't the case at all.

At first,you pushed him off and his response was to stop......momentarily.
The second advance was not challenged;until you told him to occasionally stop...the fact that you verbally indicated this and your wishes weren't respected can be viewed as rape.
The fact that you felt too scared to resist further doesn't negate the fact of your verbal intent.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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