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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 06-18-2012, 11:21 AM   #1
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Kris82m HB User
Repressed Memories?

Theres such controversy in weather or not it actualy exists, and sometimes I wonder if it really does myself, or if im just a depressed sick person.

I dont know if I was sexually abused...but for the past few months ive been having horrible anxiety. From things ive read it sounds like if I can belive in the idea of repressed memorys...that something went on in my life that i cant recall, but its affecting me in other ways.

A brief history...for one, I dont remember any of my childhood before the age of 7...and then after 7 till about the age of 11 memories are very slim... I never thought anything of it. Ive always hated doctors...and i would get so anxious and sick before having to go to one. I know its not the "white coat syndrome" because I still go to the doctors. Im not one that puts off something I think is important, I get my yearly exams ect...but for weeks before my appointment thats all I think about 24/7. It makes me depressed, and litterally sick to my stomach constantly thinking about them having to touch me in private areas. I know most people are uncomfortable with it, but im uncomfortable to the point where it ruins my life for a few weeks before hand. its even so bad I constantly worry about things that might never happen...like what if I get into a car accident and have to go to the er, and all the things they do and how much they touch you and put things in you...makes me sick thinking constantly of something that may never even happen. Ive been worrying more latley in the last few months than I ever have before in my life. Things have got so much worse for me the last few months...I made an appt for a physical 2 months ago and ive been sick and deperessed every single second of every single day since then! But I have a strange sexual desires...Im married now, and am faithful to my hsuband...but before him I slept with alot of people....I have a strong sense of rape in my mind...im always thinking about it, im drawn to stories of rape and abuse, and it makes me feel sick and discusting that im drawn to it.


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Like I said...these feelings have gotten so much worse over the last couple months...I have this horrible sickening feeling that something happened to me, that theres a memory in there thats finally trying to come out but its not quite there yet...so its making me depressed and anxious and so much worse than I ever was... Could I really be blockign a memory thats making me feel this way?

 
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Old 06-20-2012, 02:31 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: england
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lauraduck HB User
Re: Repressed Memories?

It is possible but it is also possible the thought of rape just effects you alot. maybe go speak to your doctor about this or better still your parents they may be able to shed some light on it . good luck xx

 
Old 07-15-2012, 02:47 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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anaestmia HB User
Re: Repressed Memories?

It could be possible. I am in a very similar situation, trying therapy to see if I can get to the root of the problem. Knowing something has screwed you up, but not knowing what, can drive you insane.

 
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