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Old 07-06-2012, 11:41 PM   #1
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Depression after rape

I have never been the type to reach out on the Internet for help, but I feel like I have no where else to turn right now, so here it goes.

Last weekend I went out with a couple of friends to a local bar. Now I can usually handle my liquor, but after three drinks I don't remember anything. I think I was roofied at the bar. The next thing I remember was waking up naked in an aquantiences house. I was obviously very scared, but I woke up alone, so I didn't think too much of it. When I looked in the mirror I notice I had a black eye, and bruises on my hips and thighs. I got dressed and went out to the living room where one of my friends was sitting. He told me that I was clearly very out of it the night before so he had put me in his room so I could go to sleep and he slept in his roommates room. There were a couple of random guys that were there that were sleeping in the living room as well that were friends of his roommate. A couple hours after he had put me to bed, my friend woke up to noises and came in to check on me. One of the guys that was sleeping in the living room had walked into the room I was in and started having sex with my lifeless body, while shoving a pillow over my face. My friend freaked out and kicked him out of the house and made sure I was okay and breathing.

When he told me what had happened I completely lost it. I broke down and just started crying. I feel so violated but so disgusting as well. I have barely ate anything in a week, I can't sleep, I can't function with my daily tasks. I shower about five times a day to try and wash away the disgust I'm feeling. I already have anxiety so this had made it much worse. Although I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid because of the fact I'm so depressed. Ive been drinking everyday and abusing my anxiety medicine to try and feel numb. It works but only temporarily. I almost wish he didn't tell me what had happened, since I wouldn't have remembered anyway. It's a terrible feeling and it makes me sick knowing that someone took advantage of me when I was just laying there. I don't know if he came inside me, I don't know any of the details and that almost makes it worse. I need some kind of advice, I'll take anything at this point. I just need help. I just can't fathom how anyone could do this to someone. I recently started dating someone as well, I don't know if I should tell him what happened or not. I don't want him to see me the way I see myself now, damaged, washed up, and abused.

Will these feelings ever go away? Has anyone else been here before? Also I told my best friend, and she thinks I'm being a "drama queen, and I'm overreacting" am I? I'm not trying to play the damsel in distress role, but I just can't help but feel like I'm worthless now. I've ALWAYS been the happy, optimistic, bubbly girl and it's starting to freak everyone out that I'm not. I don't want people to know, because I don't want to be known as "the girl who was raped". I just don't know what to do.

Last edited by Paige12; 07-06-2012 at 11:53 PM.

 
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Old 07-07-2012, 12:41 AM   #2
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Re: Depression after rape

I am so sorry this has been done to you. It was NOT your fault. Is there a rape crisis phone-in or walk-in centre in your city? This would be your best option, the people there are used to dealing with these situations. Itis too hard to cope with it alone. I am sure you can find something through a local hospital. My thoughts are with you. Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 07-07-2012 at 12:42 AM.

 
Old 07-07-2012, 07:43 AM   #3
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Re: Depression after rape

Thank you for your kind words. I will look into that.

 
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:45 AM   #4
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Re: What do I do? Victim of sexual assault at 22.

Hello Paige12

These feelings will be there but a qualified therapist can help you through the toughest parts of what bothers you.I don't know you but there may be other issues which you may want to discuss with said therapist.

I don't feel that drama queen are the right words;especially to describe a person who was obviously taken advantage of,the way you were.

I see you as "the girl who wants to get help,so that she can live a better quality of life."

That's who I envision,when I think of you.

There's no "perfect way" to react after being or feeling violated.

Please consider seeking professional help and getting a pregnancy test.

I,too,would like to know that that bubbly girl still exists and can be happy again.

Most Respectfully
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Last edited by Phoenix; 07-13-2012 at 06:29 PM.

 
Old 07-14-2012, 02:00 PM   #5
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Re: What do I do? Victim of sexual assault at 22.

I would give you the same advice to you as I would to my Daughter if this happened to her. You need to report all of this that happen to you to the police, and make a police report out. You may have let some time pass and im sure too late for a rape test, but its not too late to tell your story, all of the story and the truth. this in itself will give you a better feeling about yourself. You didnot cause this and you are not the one that is guilty of anything. Let this secret out and report it...

 
Old 07-27-2012, 09:08 AM   #6
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Re: Depression after rape

i have been here before and i can say you will never forget about it but you will eventually feel better the best advice i can tell you is to talk to someone about it. it should make you feel better so your not holding it all in. plus as for your "friend" she must not be a true friend if she calls you a drama queen after being RAPED! and as for your person you are seeing i would tell him but thats just me. and my reasoning is is that if he is true to you he wouldnt leave or look at you any different he would help you get over it. again this is experience. and as someone else said the rape crisis center helped me alot.

 
Old 08-01-2012, 08:09 AM   #7
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Re: What do I do? Victim of sexual assault at 22.

I am so sorry for what you've gone through. I have been there before. I went out with some friends to a guys house whom they knew. We drank and I am sure I was drugged too. I ended up in one of the guys bedrooms and I blacked out. When I came to I found him having sex with me. My friend barged in and stopped him. I didn't report it to the police. Big mistake. I lived with it for so long. I even went as far as trying to take my own life. It got so bad that he ran into my now husband but was my fiance then and pulled a gun out at him. It was a huge mess. Luckily though my mom had some guys to threaten him and he left to Florida and has never been seen again. I was only 17 at the time and scared so I didn't go to the police but I wish that I had. That wasn't the only time someone has taken advantage of me. Anyway, you should report this to the cops. There's no proof now that you have taken showers afterward and especially if you've had sex before. But I'm sure you can get a lie detector test done even though they don't use them in court, they can do it down at the police station. You need to check for pregnancy and STDs. You gotta get a hold on your life NOW before you fall completely apart. I was a mess. I couldn't function either. It even affected my relationship with my fiancee.

This isn't your fault no matter how much you drank even if you wasn't drunk. He had no right to take advantage of you and he is a coward. Don't let him get away with this because he's going to do it to another girl. And as for your "friend", no friend says that to another friend. Either she's been through it before and hid behind that lie or she's never been through it and has no clue what it's like.

 
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depression, ptsd, rape, sexual assault



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