It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-29-2012, 08:10 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: pocatello idaho
Posts: 1
mandasue32 HB User
dont know where to begin

I'm kinda at a loss as to how to start but here goes
I am pretty certain I have some mental issues and I believe it stems from childhood sexual abuse
I was physically and verbally abused by my step father but I have some clear memories of that
my real father is the one I question, my mother divorced my dad when I was six months old due to physical abuse of her and my siblings. One point I'd like to make my father never physically abused me but he did continue to be abusive towards my siblings when we spent the summers with him. He never even spanked me, he spoiled me.
I have always been depressed and suffered with feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, and self hate. I have never felt good enough and can remember things feelings since I was a little girl. And scared always been afraid of letting anyone know the real me, inside. Afraid they would find me gross and worthless.
when I was 21 I was involved with an abusive mam the father of my children, I just thought it was how I was supposed to be treated. One time when we were intimate I had a flash of my fathers face it shook me severely. I cried often after that for no reason. Before this in my early terns I chose not to go visit my father for the summers anymore I never knew why I just knew I didn't want to go. I started having questions of what happened on my visits there because I could never remember much. I remember my father making me shower with him around 6 till about 9 but I never remember the actual shower. I remember my father dressing me and I can even remember him putting his hands in my underware but nothing further.
when I was 22 I got a phone call from a lawyer representing my foster sister ( a girl my father and his second wife adopted and who I have very little to almost none memory of) asking me if I would testify on her behalf against my father. He asked about the sexual abuse that took place, I said nothing I didn't remember. I hung up the phone and cried I cried for months after that I could not remember. I called my biological sister and asked her she was angry and indignant and insisted our father was an abusive drunk but he never did anything like that. I told her a few memories ( the ones I've stated here) and she hung up on me we have never spoke of it again.
I have gone through sexual extreams at times feeling permiscuious and at other times abstaining from sex for long periods of time. I have never trusted any man and have always felt all they want from me is sex, that's all I'm worth, that's all I have to offer.
a recent boyfriend told me it wasn't all about sex that he really cared about me and there is more to a relationship than that, we broke up but it opened my eyes to how I handle men.
I have good days and bad days but I think I am definitely manic., and probably have more co mingling problems.
my question is where do I begin. I am a single mom, working, and in college trying to become normal but this messes with me constantly. I want to overcome whatever it is and get on with my life but I don't know how to start.
do I try to find my long lost foster sister to see what she can tell me? Do I just get into therapy and get meds? If anyone has advice please I need it

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-31-2012, 04:23 AM   #2
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,852
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: dont know where to begin

Hello mandasue32

Individual therapy definitely seems like the best avenue to explore.

You should work on yourself,to better prepare you for any unanswered questions in the near future.

Going into therapy and being on medication changes lives.It's a lifestyle choice,so you must be prepared for change.
Change in not only yourself but also those around you,as they get use to the new evolving you.

If you do go the therapist route,I hope that the two of you are compatible,for it makes for a better quality of therapy.
Having medications administered is also something that will hopefully alter your mood, take off stress and change the chemical composition of the brain,hence altering your mood.

The main objective here is to deal with those things that you have the ability to control.This will help prepare you for the future.

Please post as often as you like.
You're amongst those who care.

Sincerely
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2012, 08:00 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Chrissy26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: new york
Posts: 237
Chrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB UserChrissy26 HB User
Re: dont know where to begin

I think you should get yourself in some kind of therapy. I think if you can express your feelings to someone outside the box, that would benefit you. Also, and I don't know how you'd feel about this, but you did say you want to know what happened being that you remember bits and pieces of things. Maybe hypnosis? And in therapy they can help you with that.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (4), jade680 (2), jen52983 (1), Seraph (1), krazy2day (1), ceeceee (1), Basswife (1), Kali333 (1), mercyrightnow (1), TKHawke (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1006), Apollo123 (906), Titchou (852), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:48 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!