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soapandstars · 12-18-2012, 11:01 PM

i am coming to terms with the fact that i was date raped. what makes me ashamed is that i let him get away with it and even went on one more date with the guy. true, i didn't realize at the time that i had been definitively date raped, i only found out later. but still, i feel like i should have cut him out of my life. i just didn't know how to say no.

i know it is cliche to be ashamed when you've been sexually traumatized, and i would never look down on someone else who was a victim, but it's hard to forgive myself. i feel like i did something wrong, like i'm stupid for letting it happen. how do you move on from this? i am scared all the time i'm around people i don't know when i have a drink in my hands. i don't even drink alcohol, but will guard my water like a hawk. i don't know how to "get over it."

Phoenix · 12-19-2012, 02:17 AM

Hello soap and stars and welcome.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way and please know that you can feel safe and we will try to provide as much comforting advice as is possible.
What you are describing is placing yourself in "victim mode."

This occurs when something negative is done to us and instead of looking for solutions,we tend to dwell on the problem,as the recipients of harm.
When in this mindset,it's rather difficult to see the entire situation for what it is and disbelief may even be a by-product of our thoughts.
I don't believe that this is something you can simply "get over" but I will say that brighter days can be on the horizon,if you are willing to put in the work.
Might I suggest seeing a therapist,who will be able to help navigate you through the rough terrain and help return you to smoother ground.

You're worth it.Please remember that.

Respectfully
Phoenix

soapandstars · 12-19-2012, 03:26 PM

thanks so much for your response. i have been considering therapy for the incident. i have mental health issues so i have a great psychiatrist that can hopefully lead me in the right direction.

i don't want to be pathetic and self pitying, or be ashamed. i want to know i'm worth being treated better. i have an amazing boyfriend, but it's hard for me to trust anybody, not because of just this necessarily, but because i have much else in my past when people have abused me and times i didn't feel safe.

i feel sometimes like i don't have the right to be sad, because i know people who have been through so much worse, but i know that's wrong of me. i have to be ok with the fact that it bothers me, and then move beyond that. it is just hard because one person in my main support structure doesn't want to talk about what happened, because they don't want to think about the fact that it did happen. i do have others to talk to though, and a professional is a great idea.

i want to feel enough that i can grieve and let things go, but not so much that i'm dwelling. it's a hard balance to achieve. again, thanks for your response. i will try to be strong

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