Hello Syo and welcome.
Firstly, i'm sorry that you were taken advantage of in this fashion.
The lingering effects of sexual abuse on the psyche can become quite overwhelming.Depressive isolation is but one possible symptom.
Your lack of trust in men is understandable.Please know that we aren't all unworthy of trust.There still are some good ones out there.
Your body's fighting against specific desires could be attributed to the antidepressants being prescribed.
I would address these concerns to the prescribing physician at your earliest convenience.
The key to quality relationships is viewing them as friendships first,while trying not to place multitudes of expectations on others.When we set the bar too high,it tends to sabotage the bonding experience.
Things should progress naturally and never appear rushed,as feelings are to be considered.
Might I suggest going outside of your comfort zone?
One day,head to the library,local park,museum or theater.
On your way there,take time to stop and smell the roses,so to speak.Try to take in and appreciate the visual cues at your disposal.
I pray that one day you will be able to state with confidence:"rain or shine,today is fine." It can apply to so many aspects of one's life.
Respectfully
Phoenix
Cant experience pleassure 
