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Old 03-09-2013, 02:59 AM   #1
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possible sexual abuse but no memory of it?

This is going to sound so strange but its been on my mind for a few years now. I have this feeling deep down that I may have been abused when I was younger, but have no memory of it, is that even possible?? I dont really know how I can have a feeling like that but no memory of it, but I really do feel that way. Ill type below "symptoms" of what has, I guess, clicked in my head and makes me wonder why I do these things. I dont think they are normal..but then again, they say everyone has sexual qurks or whatever. Its going to be quite hard for me to type some of the things, as I know its pretty weird. Of course no-one in my life knows I think/feel these things and would never in a million years tell anyone.

I had a really happy upbringing (or what I can remember of it). Its weird, I literally have NO memory at all before the age of 7 or 8. My siblings remember things we did, its just a blank for me. I remember when I was about 8 or 9 I used to do sexual things with my friends.

I have a very sexual mind. I dont know how to expain it. My mind isnt always on sex but i often see sexual things where they probably arent, if that makes sense. I dont know where all these feelings/thoughts come from. I dont know why I am so sexual with my thoughts. I was raised in a very steady family, my parents never faught, we were a very close family growing up and still are.

I have never been promiscuous; I have never had a one night stand and only one have I slept with a guy after the first date (id known the guy for over a year), every other guy ive slept with has been a boyfriend. I dont really enjoy sex very much, I feel horrible when I feel like I have to perform

I have very low self esteem. I hate myself a lot of the time, however I do cover it up very well and if you asked anyone, they would all day I was ultra confident and outgoing. I used to self-harm (cut myself) when I was about 15 (I would truely love to still do it if it didnt leave me with scars on my arms, I miss it a lot, which is know is stupid).

I used to skip school and had very little belief in myself academically. I went through a time (started I think at around 13-15ish) that I started cutting myself, was really depressed, To this day, my family and I still dont know why I went through that. We put it down to hormonal changes during puberty.

All of the stuff I have typed is me but it also isnt, if that makes sense. This is how I feel and think but it isnt really me. I dont really know how to explain it. No-one who is close to me would ever dream in a million years that I think and feel these things and I dont know why I do. I dont feel like naturally Im that type of person, but I guess I am if im feeling all of that.

I have considered going into therapy to talk about it and see if anything comes up and also thought about hypnotherapy but I feel too scared to do that in case the person doing it touches me up or something while Im under.

Is it possible for something to have happened to me and I dont remember it?

 
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Phoenix (03-26-2013)
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Old 03-31-2013, 02:12 AM   #2
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Re: possible sexual abuse but no memory of it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unsuredontknow View Post
I have considered going into therapy to talk about it and see if anything comes up and also thought about hypnotherapy but I feel too scared to do that in case the person doing it touches me up or something while Im under.

Is it possible for something to have happened to me and I dont remember it?
Hello unsuredontknow and welcome.

From what you explain here,therapy definitely seems like a viable option for you to seriously consider.
Might I suggest getting to know the therapist,which can take more than a few sessions to accomplish.
It might even help to explain your concerns pertaining to trust,which I believe should be understood by the trained professional.

They say that the past is the key to the present but please realize that the mind is an extremely complex thing.
It has the ability to block things from our memory,simply as a means of psychological protection.

With respect to the tile of your thread,my sincere response is that I pray this isn't the case.

Respectful intent

Phoenix
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