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Old 05-02-2013, 08:04 AM   #1
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Was I sexually abused?

I need your help to understand if my experiences that I will share below constitute sexual abuse or plain bulling. I am hoping your point of view will help clarify things in my mind. This story is about a guy that used to be my best friend for several years since I was 11 and also used to bully me occasionally (nice friend you'll say...).

I am going to call him Mickael, although that is not his real name.
The thing is that, Michael used to be my best friend for almost 4,5 years and we were quite close and we eventually stopped being friends because I started avoiding him. However, the thing is that I start now to realize that maybe I was not being bullied all of this time but I was sexually abused instead.

I didn't have many friends as a kid as I wasn't very sociable, so I was very happy to have Mickael as one when I got to know him in summer camp. I knew Mickael already as he was also my classmate, but after that summer we really came close. However the problem is that since the very beginning Michael used from time to time to bully me. I was quite weak as a kid and he used to stand up for me against other kids, however what he didn't allow others to do, he did himself. He used to call me names and he hit me to strengthen me up, as he used to say...

However he used to do other staff as well such as try to take my pants off, pinch me in weird places, rub against my butt or try to make me touch his penis to name a few. I know that they all sound very sexually explicit, but they were performed in such a way that I was always the one feeling guilty about it (as I wasn't manly enough, thus asking for it and not being able to fight him off successfully enough, as he would say) They happened on such a regular basis, almost weekly, that I got used to it. The worst part was the humiliation imposed to me as he would do some staff in front of other guys who would laugh at me or participate in the bullying. The funny thing is that he would always be the one to stop the others, by saying that's enough. The thing is that he was really the alpha male in the class and nobody was never judgemental to him as he wouldn't bully anyone else in the school but me and I was his best friend as everybody knew!

The thing is that up until know I never thought that I was being sexually abused, but simply bullied, although I always felt strange about his actions. However now I am starting to believe that he was abused at home, possibly by his elder brother, and he abused me in turn. The reason I believe that, was that his brother was there at several occasions when I visited at his home and he would try the usual staff in front of him and he would just laugh or be indifferent, but never dissaprove of his brother's behavior (and he was around 18, so not a minor himself).

To end my story at my sixteen I was really depressed and started avoiding him with any given chance. The thing is that after several years of no contact with him I find myself still avoiding him (even through social media) while in fact I would like to confront him and receive an apology from him.

Thank you for your time

Last edited by nemesaris3; 05-07-2013 at 06:49 AM.

 
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Old 05-02-2013, 05:55 PM   #2
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

The main point here is what is going on with you now. It certainly sounds as if the bullying had a sexual basis, but, really you already knew that. The thing to do now is, with the aid of a therapist if possible, to sort out all the issues that arise from this. You sound angry and conflicted which is natural. As to your fantasies, it sounds like you need to see yourself as the powerful aggressor to compensate for your shame at being submissive as a boy. As you deal with these issues, I am sure that your thoughts will tone down. Any actions fom those thoughts are your own choice, you are no longer that young boy and you cannot "blame" your past for anything you do now. Sera

 
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Old 05-07-2013, 06:15 AM   #3
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Thank you for your help. My thoughts were similar regarding the understanding of those fantasies.
Thank God I feel no need to abuse or be abused in real life. The thing is that I don't consider those fantasies healthy and I want to get rid of them. And I was also worried because I hear all of the time that the victims of abuse, can more easily cause abuse to others. So that thought, that I can become an abuser, has haunted me.
I have not dealt with that abuse when I should and thought I can deny it ever happened.
Thank you

 
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Old 05-07-2013, 07:04 AM   #4
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Indeed I knew there was a sexual element in the bullying but always tried to ignore it.
I don't feel any type of aggression. I don't feel the need to abuse or be abused nor I consider my self able of anything like that. It is just that my thoughts trouble me and I want to get rid of them.

I would just like to confront him and ask for an apology.
Maybe therapy would indeed help eventhough I am ashamed even in the idea of discussing this with another person face to face.

Thank you for your help

 
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