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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 07-11-2013, 05:34 PM   #1
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DLover HB User
was this a rape?

Ok, I need help understanding something that happened to me few years ago. This situation occurred and i`ve been confused ever since. I feel little uncomfortable talking about it, but i`m still not finding any answers, and i`m angry at myself. I don`t know is this consider a rape or i`m just overreaching.
I knew this guys few months, we would always just fool around, and at some point he invited me to his place. I willingly accepted, deep down knowing we probably gonna have sex. I came, he was nice, we were talking, kissing, playing, and he starts to take my clothes off. I let him. Next things I knew I was lying naked in his bed. I was thinking to myself this isn`t a good idea , but said nothing. He pushed himself inside me. I told him I wasn`t feeling good, and that i`m in pain and we should stop. First he ignored me, and being very in control. I didn`t physically push him away, but told him again we should stop. He should have got the picture already cause my body was giving him the signs of my discomfort. My body was so tense, shaking and he said it wont be much longer. Even tho I was in pain, disgusted, not feeling sexy or good at all, almost in tears, I just lie there til he came. After it I felt dirty, broken, uncertain of myself, ashamed of my body. I just took my things and go. I didn`t see him after that night, he called, I didn`t answer.
Did I ask for this, was I forcing something? Was I really given a choice to go and didn`t?
I had sex after that incident but nothing was ever the same. It makes my unhappy and sad that I cannot, til this day, find that closeness with someone, and I try, but somehow my body is always resisting. It hurts, cause it seems i`m not interested, but i`m trying to be positive in everything, and refresh my mind. Where did I go wrong?

 
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Old 07-11-2013, 06:01 PM   #2
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ruxtr HB User
Re: was this a rape?

The short answer to your question is absolutely, equivocally yes, it was a rape from both a legal and a moral perspective. You are allowed to stop having sex any time you would like to; you asked him to stop and he didn't. You don't have to fight someone off, feel bad because you thought you might want to have sex before you went over, etc.

I'm male. There have been several times that I went somewhere hoping to have sex then just not feeling it. You are allowed to change your mind about having sex, including right in the middle.

I would strongly advise you to seek counseling, as this is something clearly impacting you. I am very sorry this happened to you.

 
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Old 07-14-2013, 09:50 PM   #3
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Budgiegirl HB UserBudgiegirl HB User
Re: was this a rape?

I agree with ruxtr. It is rape. You know, humans can be maddening with our wants and desires, so if in the middle of sex one partner suddenly doesn't feel like continuing, guess what? The consensual sex act ceases to exist. Forcing someone to continue is now an act of aggression -- YOU WILL BE USED BY ME UNTIL I SAY I'M FINISHED with you. That is why you feel so broken. Counselling will help you understand that you are not the one to blame. You need to learn to protect yourself and place your feelings above the baser elements of those around you. Please find a therapist who can teach you how to value your inner self.

 
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DLover (07-24-2013)
Old 07-17-2013, 11:11 PM   #4
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herbguy99 HB User
Thumbs up Re: was this a rape?

I totaly agree with both ruxtr and budgiegirl's reply. I am also a male. If iwere in his position and saw your body showing signs of discomfort i would have stopped.

 
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DLover (07-24-2013)
Old 07-24-2013, 10:20 AM   #5
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DLover HB User
Re: was this a rape?

Even tho I`m really scared of telling, cause there are many questions going through my mind like, What would they think of me. Will I be a disappointment to people, I`m gonna listen to your advices, and will get some help. Thank you for your answers.

 
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