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Old 08-13-2013, 07:38 PM   #1
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Was this a sexual assault?

So something happened to me and I'm not sure if I would consider it a sexual assault or not and I'm just confused. I'm gonna explain everything that happened and I would really appreciate any thoughts or opinions even though it's kind of long.

So my friend came over to visit last night. We have been friends for 7 years and have been sexually involved in the past.

I told him he could come over but I was doing Pilates. When he got here he said he would do it with me. We did Pilates for about half an hour or so and when we finished we were laying side by side on the floor. He pulled me on top of him (I didn't resist but I didn't respond). He was touching my breasts and pulling at my top. I told him I couldn't decide if I wanted to do this or not. He ground into me and pulled off his shirt. I ground back against him because at this point I was okay with the level of contact although I did say "I am not going to have sex with you" and he responded "Okay." He rolled us over so I was on the bottom and pulled my top off. I was okay with this and allowed him to do so. He continued to grind against me and feel my breasts. He took his boxers off and at that point I moved to sit up and told him I wasn't willing to have sex. He put his boxers back on and asked why not and I told him I was worried about diseases. I laid back on the floor because I was tired from Pilates and also trying to calm down my arousal. After 30 seconds or so I sat up and said I was putting my top back on but couldn't find it. He asked me not to.

I told him that I was going to go to bed unless he wanted to do more Pilates with me. He said we could go to bed together but I said no. I went to put my top on but he picked me up by the waist and carried me down the hallway to my bedroom. I considered grabbing the wall but knew I wasn't strong enough so I stayed still until we got to my bedroom. He put me down and tried to press me against the wall but there was something in the way and I fell backwards into the wall and hit my head on my whiteboard. He asked me if I was okay and I said I was. I pushed at his shoulders and said his name to get him to back up but he didn't move. I pushed at him again and told him to let me up and he did. I was shaking (I always shake when anxious or nervous) and trying not to cry. I went out of the room and back to the living room and put my top back on. He followed me but then went back to my room and laid down on my bed waiting for me to change my mind.

I sat in the living room for a few minutes deciding what to do. I called down the hallway and asked if he had given up yet. He said not even close. I waited a few more minutes and told him if he didn't leave I was going to call the cops. He said he didn't want that and came out. I grabbed my keys and went to my bedroom and locked myself in. I didn't hear the front door so texted him to get out and he did after texting some people and taking a long time to get dressed.

I guess I am confused because for the most part I wasn't afraid. I was only afraid and started to get worried when he tried to push me against the wall. I also had said a few weak "no's" before and could understand if he thought I didn't really mean it. And once I got truly afraid and told him to let me up, he did. Although he did go back to my bedroom afterwards.

What does anyone else think?? I'd really like to hear someone else's thoughts. I haven't told anyone else.

 
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Old 08-13-2013, 10:20 PM   #2
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Re: Was this a sexual assault?

I think it was not abuse or assault at all. You gave very mixed signals by going along because you had not yet made up your mind whether to have sex. Once he figured out what you wanted he left you alone.

Playing along with sexuality is a dangerous thing. Please make sure what you want and communicate it clearly before allowing anyone into your home or being alone with the person. Be safe!

Last edited by Administrator; 10-16-2013 at 03:50 AM.

 
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Old 08-14-2013, 11:15 AM   #3
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Re: Was this a sexual assault?

Not sexual abuse, not rape.

Get your priorities straight. If you want sex say so, if not keep your shirt on.

 
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Old 10-25-2013, 05:03 AM   #4
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Re: Was this a sexual assault?

The previous posters were wrong. Your friend was absolutely in the wrong here. You clearly stated that you didn't want to have sex and when you tried to establish the exact boundary he tried to push past it in a very threatening way. You didn't send mixed signals, there is nothing wrong with a little making out and petting without having sex. If he wasn't okay with only doing a little HE could have stopped.

And to the previous posters about keeping your shirt on I'd remind them that is was you "friend" who took it off and prevented you from putting it back on.

You friend was being an entitled *ss. And it certainly boarders on sexual assault, it may or may not meet any legal definitions. But I would be cautious to trust that friend alone. It was WAY to hard to get him to leave your home and leave you alone. Very threatening behavior, be careful.

 
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