I am so sorry that I am needing to vent. Perhaps me just writting things down will help me. I think that I had mentioned in another thread that we have just recently had a flood here. And how stressful it has been to find some sort of normalcy back in our lives. And that this stress has caused my RSD to be so much worse.
---I think that perhaps if I could sleep like normal people do that it would help. I try to go to bed at around 10:30. And that's just a little bit before my husband. Well it never fails that after about 2-3 hours into my sleep I need to use the restroom or the pain wakes me up. And then I am probably up for the rest of the night.
---Right now my pain is terrible. I feel like crying!! I called the doctor today and she told me to get off the foot and that she felt it was from the RSD. But if it didn't get better by Wednesday she will then want to see me.
----So here I am waiting to get better. You know I really hate having this RSD!!! I hate what it has done with my life. I enjoyed my job. I was at it for 22 years and now I am unable to do it. I also realize that having a positive attitude is so important. But does anybody else ever feel this down now and then? If so what are some of things that you do to help yourself get back to feel happier.
---By the way I do take cymbalta and I know that this is antidepressent. I think you see by what I have written that perhaps it's not working! Ha! Ha!
---I would appreciate any advice you could give me to help me feel better.
---I am so glad that I found this place or right now all these pent of feelings would just explode and I don't think that is good as well. Thanks - Chris
You are not alone. It is normal, IMHO, that we have these deep down time. I'm also on cymbalta, and you are right, it doesn't always work. I have learned that this is a good place to vent. Writing it down does seem to help, and so does allowing yourself a good pity party every now and then. We do have it hard, very hard. RSD has taken over our lives, and we will not be the same as we once were. Like you, I loved what I did. I can't do it now. For quite a while, I couldn't work around my horse (they live here with me). After 5 years, I received a SCS and I'm now able to get up and about. Can I ever go back to work? No. I'm on SSD now, but at least I can be with them. It takes me a while to do what I used to be able to do in a few minutes. I've realized that it is ok. I am no longer super woman. I still find it hard to ask for help, but rsd does teach one humility.lol. When you are having a hard time, we are here, and we don't think you are a wimp or anything else. You are among friends.
This is kinda weird because I just finished responding to a thread from a young lady about to begin college about mood swings. You are so right about stress making the RSD pain worse. If I could learn how to stay calm, cool, and collected life would be so much better. If I could MAKE myself start meditating on a regular basis, I know this makes me better. I have a hard time motivating myself even when I know it's gonna do me some good. I truly hate this RSD as well. I've gone from an active vital force to a woman that's not real happy about oxygen tanks and riding in those little carts. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE THOSE CARTS! I can stay in Walmart for a couple hours when my hubby isn't there to rush, rush, rush. It took so long and so many docs to see to finally get the RSD diagnosis, that I cannot say exactly what year it started. I have been treated shabbily by ER staffs. I guess most of us have--don't know. I was so desperate there at the end, that I'd tape a dog turd to my upper lip if someone said it would take the pain away. Well, talking like this isn't making you feel better. So, things that always make me feel better:
Do something to help someone else never fails to make me feel better.
Smile at others even if sometimes I gotta push myself to do it.
Sit in my comfy chair and pretend that I am in a beach chair on Folly Beach, South Carolina. My wonderful friend Carmel and I used to put our chairs just at the edge of the water so the waves would rush over our feet.
I hope you have a wonderful day. Try the positive thinking. When it works, it's FABULOUS. I take Cymbalta as well, and I'm thinking that it's probably me not working so well instead of the Cymbalta sometimes. Doc put me on new pain med, and I am much amazed how well it works. I think you have to go to another place to talk about medicines, so I better shut up.
Thank you Sansy and Mary for your responses! They made me feel so much better and made me feel that you cared. Having someone care makes a difference.
---I did manage to fall back to sleep for a few more hours and that felt good. The right foot doesn't seem to be as swollen but it still hurts more than what it does normally. So we will see how today goes.
--- Sansy~you are right when you talked about doing something for somebody else and how it can make you feel better. Shortly after I had to stop working I decided to volunteer for Hospice Hope. I did the training and have been helping them out for almost a year now and I really love it. I deliver medicines to patients and I am called if someone from the family or the patient wants someone from Hospice Hope during their 11th hour. Which means that I am asked to be with the patient or family when they are actively dying. I have been with five patients when they have passed away. And it has changed me. I sure value my life and don't take things for so much for granted as I probably did before.
---Now even after saying that I have to say that I still have my periods of feeling down. When I was first diagnosed with RSD I read that having a chronic pain condition can cause some people some degree of depression. Perhaps not a depression that you feel everyday, but one that can get you down a few days at a time. Back then I was more optimistic than I am now. I was in a lot of pain, but I thought that some doctor will be taking care of this and they will make it go away. That's what doctor's do right? But when you start having to deal with the pain and all the other symptoms of RSD, not to mention having to deal with your family and friends that do not understand what you have. Well then the depression starts to happen. And I think that is where I am now.
---It's been a few years since my diagnose and I now realize that I will probably always have issues with RSD. My Mom and my husband are the ones who seem to come the closest in understanding what I go through.
---But like I said before, I don't have anywhere that allows me to really let me say how I am really feeling. And the reason for this is because if I let them know how much pain I am in or that I am having a terrible day. My short term memory is shot and that I had problems even trying to balance our check book. If I let them know this then they feel bad. And I don't want them to feel bad. I don't want my complaining to ruin if they're having a good day. Because it seems as soon as I tell someone how I am hurting then the whole feeling in the room changes to sad and gloomy and all because of me. That is what I don't want. I don't ever want to make other people feel gloomy because of how I am feeling.
---So to say that I am glad that I found a place to open up to is a understatement. Thanks for allowing me to do this. I'm sorry about all this rambling and I hope that I will be able to help some of you the way you have already helped me.
Chris
Chris,
I just wanted to touch base on what you have said.. I feel the same way.. I hate complaining to my family.. I try to put myself in their shoes.. I think it would bother me if I heard it day in and day out.. When I was going to therapy.. The therapist did tell me to try not to put RSD in everyday conversation.. It can easily happen...
The short term memory.. Is really bad for me.. I have problems with the check book too.. plus I get bills in the mail and forget I even got them.. My kids, they are so tired of me asking them questions over and over.. I do catch myself doing it.. Then I'll say.. "I just asked you that didn't I " lol.. Their like mom.. Your losing it...
You know you can have your pitty party days.. Your allowed.. WE all go through it.. I think whats important is getting out of those bad days.. I have learned to change my way of thinking.. There are so many days where I say, I hate life.. This S&*(.. Then I say to myself. Well theres someone out there worse off then me.. Someone out there is dying.. at least I am not.. I could have easily given up.. I fight for my kids.. You have to find that something to fight for.. Stress is so bad for RSD.. You have to find a way to calm yourself down.. I was going through a divorce when I was first dx.. It was horrible.. Also going through school raising the three kids on my own, fighting with the ex.. It was such a mess.. My RSD was so flared up.. I never, every want to go back there again.. I did go on an antidepressant.. Which might be a good thing for you right now.. Have you noticed the flare ups come a day or two after you had a real bad day? I have such delayed pain..
Well, I wish you the best.. I am glad you come here to vent.. I tell my fiancee all the time.. I come on here so I don't have to complain to you.. .. And everyone on here understands what Iam going through...
Thinking of you,
Michelle
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