Horsie Nutt

I actually got home Sunday, but Sunday was nothing but a blurr. I slept all day, woke up and hugged my kids, and went right back to sleep. I guess the fentanyl that goes in your arm comes out of your head, cause it sure screwed mine up for a while there, lol. Monday was lazy and kinda hazy, I tried to come type to ya'll, but it wouldn't send cause I had < >'s in the title, and it erased everything I had typed, so I gave up and went back to bed. Today's been a lazy day for me too. I've slept alot, but heavens knows we all need the rest. But I got out to see my animals, and that helped me some.

Anyway, ya'll wanted to know how it went... they sedated me, put in the epidural, hooked me up to my pump which I named Howie, and sent me to my room. They infused fentanyl and marcaine round the clock via Howie, and my pain went away, 100%. We had to lower the pump once cause my entire hand was numb and I couldn't even move my fingers or thumb (that was miserable), but we were able to turn it back up slowly, all the way up too, and I did fine. When we cranked it down, I felt a little hypersensitivity along the lateral aspect of my hand, but it went away as we turned it up.

I couldn't shower which sucked, but I soaped up wash cloths and bathed myself that way (the floor was a wet mess, lol). I was able to get up and walk around as much as I wanted, so i was able to go outside and get some fresh air. Howie and I went everywhere.

Right now, the pain that I had prior to the infusion is gone. I have some very mild hypersensitivity on the lateral side of my hand, and a little below my ring finger in that crease in your hand, but it's not that painful, it feels wierd and kind of tingly. The electrical impulses I had before Howie are gone. My elbow feels good, the ulnar nerve has calmed down there. The pain that was never less than a 7 in my palm is gone. I think it's more a 2 to 3 at times in that one spot in the crease below my fingers.

I slept like a rock in the hospital. You forget what it's like to sleep well when you don't hurt. Of course, the nurses do come in and take your vitals, but I went right back to sleep as if they never woke me up at all usually.

Anyway, I'd do it again in a heatbeat. I wish I could go back and get another one for 2 weeks this time. My thought on that is that the longer the nerves get a break like that (no pain at all what-so-ever!), then the better chance they have of staying okay. Thursday I see my doc, and I will ask if we can do another infusion before my nerve acts up again.

Origionally, my insurance company said 2 days, my doc said 3 - 5 days, but I stayed in the hospital hooked up to that glorious epidural for 6 days (my choice... screw the insurance company, they aren't the one who finally didn't feel any pain!). Howie, as I came to call my litle infusion/pump machine, became my new best friend. He went everywhere with me. He watched over me day and night. He delivered the fentanyl and marcaine to me that took away my pain round the clock. Yes, I fell in love with Howie! I was so sad when they told me that Howie couldn't come home with me, parting was not sweet sorrow... not at all. I want Howie back, I miss him.

The one thing I wasn't prepared for, is the depression I am feeling right now. I had 6 solid days without any pain what-so-ever. I wasn't prepared to coming back to the real world where life threw me a curve ball and chaged me forever. I think it's been like going through my mourning period all over again, only this time I think it's been harder because I had that break. It's like I know what could be, I had a taste of how things should be, where before, all I knew was pain for 7 months.

I've been real down, and have been crying alot. It's like my hand is 1/2 way fixed, but it's still useless as far as my job goes, and come the 10th, my medical leave is over, and I lose my job. I've already lost one job months back, but this is my main job. That's probably alot of my depression.

Anyway, depression and all, I want to have another infusion asap. This time I'll be prepared for the aftermath, so maybe it won't be so bad if it doesn't stop all my pain or tingling. Maybe if any of you have one, you'll be prepared for the depression that can follow, so maybe you won't be depressed at all.

May all of your days be filled with as little pain as possible,
Cathy