My 3 yearold said she doesnt love me...... - Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Message Board

savysac · 09-08-2003, 06:36 PM

Hi to everyone, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I am not sure if anyone can really help me, but it helps to get my feelings out sometimes so I dont go crazy. I appologize if I come off sounding like a whiner, or weak, but I am at the point where I just don't care.

I have been sick with side effects of Methadone for nearly two weeks now. My PM doc has since changed me to MS Contin, which does not have any sides, but is doing very little for the pain. We need to adjust the dosage now that we have determined I dont have any adverse sides to the medication. The thing is, my next appointment isnt until Sept 19, and I hate to start out my relationship with my new doc with me always calling in and asking for something.

I ended up in the hospital last week due to severe constipation. Last Thursday night was my evening to have my 3 year old daughter, but due to me being ill, I just couldnt do it. It was also my weekend to have her this past weekend, but my GP told to keep my self on bed rest and recover, so I could not have her. Today I was vomitting so bad that I missed work.

I called my ex up so I could talk to my daughter and let her know that I will be picking her up from daycare tomorrow and that we will have the entir late afternoon/early evening together. She always likes to know who is picking her up. I asked my ex if I could speak to my daughter(whose name is Kennedy, so from now on I will call her by name). When my ex asked her if she wants to speak to daddy , I heard her say in the background "NO!". My ex asked her again, and again she said no, and when asked why, Kennedy said, "cause I don't love him"

My jaw dropped, I was in shock, this is not what I need to be hearing now, hoping that I imagined it, I asked my ex "what did she just say?" and she told me "because I dont love him".

My ex told her that it wasnt nice to say that, and that her dad misses her and wants to say hi, again she said no, "I go play with my kitties". I ended the conversation with my ex, and then I began to cry.

Now, I know she is only 3 years old, and kids that age say alot of things they dont mean, and I know from firt hand experience that if she didnt get a nap at daycare, she can be a real bear, but a part of me is feeling guilty because maybe I let her down this weekend by not having her. She did not know, nor was she ever told she was going to spend the weekend at dad's house, but maybe she thinks I dont want to spend time with her anymore. I dont know what to think.

Between the excrutiating RSD pain, being ill, recovering from the severe constipation, and missing work and feeling like my career is slipping away from me,I feel like I am cracking up. I just cant do this on my own. Most days I manage to keep it together,but today is taking all I can just to do so.

Again, thank you so much for listening to me, I dont know what I should do. Life sure is hard sometimes isnt it? I am usually strong, but I think the straw that broke the camel's back was what Kennedy said.

I hope you all had a better day than I.

peace
terry

sharon1030 · 09-08-2003, 07:01 PM

Hi Terry,

I'm sorry you have to deal with this now on top of everything else. You said you're going to see Kennedy tomorrow, right? Wait and see how she reacts to you tomorrow. She might be fine with you. As you said, maybe she just had a bad day. Hang tight until you see her. Things migt be okay. By the way, I like her name-very cute. Good luck and let us know how she is with you tomorrow or whenever you see her. Sorry I couldn't be of much help.

Sharon

cattys · 09-08-2003, 07:03 PM

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Don't feel guily about being sick and not being able to spend time with kennedy. If you did take her you would of been to misreble to enjoy your time with her anyway.

When you are feeling better plan a special day and do somthing she really enjoys. she is still so young try not to take it to heart what she said. As she gets older she will start to understand what you are going through.

Even though you had a rough day and got upset by kennedys remark, You are still Daddy to her and you hold a special place in her heart.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care
cattys

Percussionist · 09-08-2003, 07:05 PM

Im sorry to hear that...This may make you feel better.

When I was 4 my dad got up and left I barely remember it...(I re-read that and it sounded bad) what I meant is my dad left and you have a dibilitating disease and still stick in there

So it is true at that age she will say things or do things that she probably wont even recall.

Don't worry, it'll be ok. In a few years she will appreciate, and relise how lucky she is that her father wants to be involved in her life.

Keep Positive and keep seeing her hope your pains ok mines meh today too much school.

Take care Terry, things will get better with your daughter

[This message has been edited by Percussionist (edited 09-09-2003).]

dragonC · 09-08-2003, 07:33 PM

Terry
What a hard day. Hang in there. Kennnedy will recover from her disappointment, or lack of nap like you said, but what's most important is that you recover from the hurt and guilt. It is so frustrating not being able to be the parent I want because of the pain or meds or side effects. And yes my kids say rotten stupid things that break my heart - but I am so important to them - as you are to Kennedy.

I have an odd suggestion that has helped at times my 8 year old and I:
Is there a story you can make up that "explains" so when unexpected problems come up you can say "just like Prince so and so...who loved his little girl... etc. OR is there a book out there for kids whose parents have pain conditions or illnesses that may give her some frame of reference?

Hold your head up. You are amazing that you have any energy or heart to spend with your daughter. There was nothing stopping my ex and he missed a whole year with our daughter. She may not understand but that doesn't mean you are doing a bad job. You're an awesome Dad.

Peace
Just for today......
Cath