Ummm...need relationship advice - Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Message Board

Nakona · 09-09-2003, 09:42 PM

OK, folks.....I need some advice here.

Just a little background real quick.....
I had a car accident 9 weeks ago. I have nerve damage and muscle damage in my back, messed up right shoulder (the doc thinks its a torn rotator cuff), hand broken in 3 places, and to top it all off, was diagnosed with RSD 4 weeks ago. I was in a wheelchair full time until last week, now its just on bad days.

At the time of the accident, I had a boyfriend of about a year. The day I found out about the RSD, I woke him up off the couch to tell him. I was in tears at the time. He blew up, told me his ex-girlfriend had the same thing, get over it, I'm taking a shower and going to bed. That's just what he did. The next night, I asked him what had happened the night before. I was told that it was my problem and to deal with it....didn't have anything to do with him. So I told him my problem was he was a self-centered jerk and I'm gone. (of course, to hear him tell it, he can't trust I won't leave on the next argument....go figure)

So that's the kind of man I'm use to dealing with. Seems I ALWAYS attract the jerks.

The same day I was dx'ed of RSD I made a friend. He knew about this monster and has researched it a lot since then. He's been a wonderful friend to me and my kids. I knew a few days ago that there were certain feelings we each had. He asked me out for dinner on wednesday night. I said yes.

This man is an angel I swear. He is understanding, compassionate, patient,,,,I could go on all night. We talk every day and he even sends me 2 or 3 emails a day, just to let me know he's thinking about me. He makes me feels things that I really never believed existed. I'm a little jaded from past experiences. Yet, he makes me WANT to believe in those things.

He says things to me lately that I've only heard in songs, or seen in movies. He's a single dad with two kids. Just an absolutely wonderful man. I find myself afraid of waking up and discovering that it is just a dream......

I'm always the well grounded, level-headed, responsible, even pessimistic one of the bunch. The last couple of weeks though, I find myself wanting to be impulsive. Just take off and surprise him with lunch, or just drop in to say hi. Anything to make him smile. He just makes me feel like I'm going to float away. He knows my limitations because of RSD, and he doesn't care. He says for everything I can't do, there are a dozen things I can. Being around him makes me want to just let go of my fears and live it up as much as I can.

He's just so amazing. He says things that truly take my breath away. I don't know what's going on here....I get butterflies just thinking about seeing him! I have even wanted to watch a chic flick for crying out loud!!!

I just get giddy when I know I'm goin to talk to him. Tomorrow is our first "date", and I can't stop my hands from shaking!! What's the deal here?

I always believed certain things, and no one has EVER made me doubt those beliefs. This man makes me want to just let go and to heck with the consequences....not very responsible. I feel so comfortable being just myself with him. Like, for once, there are no eggshells to walk on. No limits to what I should or shouldn't do. Heck, he even WANTS to know my opinion on things. He is the only person who can cheer me up, before I even realize I need it.

I know I'm rambling here,,,,and I sound pretty naive, even to me. But its to the point that I can't sleep, can't eat.....I close my eyes just long enough to blink and I see him!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!!!!!!

Good news isn't even good until I can share it with him. I'm trying to figure out what's going on inside me. Its hard for me to keep my cool anymore. He is why I'm no longer so depressed. He has the most wonderful attitude about this disease. He's who made me realize the letting it get me depressed was letting it win. He does his best to make me smile every time we talk. And all I want to do anymore is make him smile. I just can't make sense of it. I just want to cut loose and go with this awesome feeling, but I'm just not one to do that. I've waited a while, trying to figure this out before saying anything to anyone. I just can't get a grip on it. I feel like a kid at Christmas.......jeez!

Somebody.....ANYBODY.....input is more than welcome.

As a matter of fact,,,I'm praying someone can help me.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ---Unknown
Nakona

Bob A · 09-09-2003, 10:16 PM

Sounds like you're in LOVE. Watch your step. You just got out of a bad reltionship and are very vulnerable. If I knew more about you and your friend I could give you some real solid advice. BUT, This is probably not the place to do it. I will tell you, be cool and calm on your first date. Don't act like a silly school girl. Don't let him think you're Bonkers over him. Don't let him think he has the upper hand, and most important, DO NOT GO TO BED WITH HIM. I might be half nuts with my CRPS, but at 55 my advice should be honored.
Honestly, Please be careful. You don't need any more pain in your life.

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Bob A.

Nakona · 09-09-2003, 10:33 PM

That's the thing. I'm a grown woman with kids for crying out loud! Ya know???

I definately don't want to get hurt. That's what terrifies me so much. I've cried more tears over men, no offense to anyone, than I have over this RSD. I don't want to get sucked in and be a fool.

As for going to bed with anyone....I can honestly say that won't happen. I am pretty old fashioned about things like that. Its worth waiting for. I've asked him to wait a couple weeks before I would even go out with him. He was very understanding as to why. When you move too fast...it can really screw things up.

I just, for once in my life, want some happiness. Just don't know how to stop being so scared of being hurt. Don't want to be stand-offish and lock every one out either. Where is the happy medium? I know he's aware of what he calls having a wall around my heart, and he's determined to bring it down.

I just don't know what to do. This man makes me feel so wonderful, and happy, and terrified all at the same time.

Love??? If this is what love feels like, why do people do drugs??

You may be right. I know its pretty similar to what it felt like when I go saved. Only on a much different level. Can't eat, can't sleep.....can't think about much else.

Almost sounds like the flu!

Thank you for your input....I gotta think about that for a while. I don't want to just jump in a relationship...for one I never have and for another....its just exactly what I want to do!

Nakona

AngeInBoston · 09-09-2003, 10:42 PM

Hi Nakona!

Wowwwwwwwwwie!!!!

I'm very happy for you, you are so incredibly happy!

I remember you telling us about that louse of a guy (he doesn't even deserve the title of 'boyfriend') when you first came on here.:P

It's wonderful to hear that this man is so sensitive, and knows and understands RSD! It sounds to me like Fate has finally shined the sun on you....I really hope this turns out to be a true soulmate match!! You deserve to be loved by a good man for once~!

You've already known him for over two months, so he's not a stranger by any means....it sounds like you two are already building a solid base! Enjoy the excitement, and try not to be too anxiety ridden about it not lasting....

When you find someone who makes your heart smile...that's the one you want! Remember that Love feels GOOD, not like how that louse made you feel....and you DESERVE to be well loved...but you must be open to giving and receiving it for it to flourish!

Let us know what happens!

~Ange

dragonC · 09-09-2003, 10:53 PM

I don't like to give out advice.. I can just share my experience...from my experience meeting someone in a crisis or times of high stress can be tricky

I met my second husband in the midst of a crisis- in the emergency room after a car accident where my oldest daughter who was 2 was seriously injured and I was in rough shape. We went out to dinner when my daughter was still in the ICU- (I got a babysitter and it was after a week in the hospital and the first time I set foot out of the hospital.)
It felt like home to be out with him. He was wonderful, kind and caring, fun, smart and liked me alot. He seemed perfect. Of course, I was sure it was too good to be true. And in some ways it was too good to be true- he's not perfect! But we have been married now for 13 years. And he is still all those things and few unperfect things as well.

There were some problems that arose from getting together in the middle of turmoil and we had to sort them out years later. But that is how we were brought together.

So I extend hope and caution. Some people are really good in a crisis and love to rescue. Its important to move slowly, if you can! Protect yourself. If you have a bad history, you know what warning signs to look for. Be honest with yourself and be willing to always put yourself first.

It sounds like a lot of fun! And he sounds like a friend if nothing else. Have a good time.
.....caution and hope