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Old 09-12-2003, 01:31 PM   #1
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I broke down crying at the Secretary of States office yesterday when I went to get my permanent handicap parking permit. A year ago, I boldly told the lady behind the counter that if I still need a parking permit in a year, I'll blow my brains out. The same lady waited on me. I'm sure she didn't remember but I did. I am grateful I can get one. I have been doing without for 3 months and it was hard, but it was a reality marker.

The full moon effected everyone strangely this week and I could see it on the boards. For me, I had to battle quitting school because I can't get around on campus and I can't remember a darn thing. I broke down in front of a professor explaining what RSD was. I am sure I made a very academic impression.

I hate it when I spring a leak in public
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Old 09-12-2003, 02:11 PM   #2
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We all hate losing control, but we all have. Don't be so hard on yourself. RSD is a toughy. I have had it for 3yrs and I'm still not used to it. You're right, the full moon knows just which of our buttons to push at the most inopertune times! - Shelley

 
Old 09-12-2003, 02:30 PM   #3
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I know the women on the board will understand this. When I got dressed to go to work this morning, I just cried. My 14 skirt was so tight I couldn't get it zipped. I mean I'm huge... and I used to be a nice size 8. Nothing fits and comments like you'd be ok if you'd just loose weight, you're fat don't help. I have 3 skirts and 2 blouses that fit.

I mean I was just bawling. My shoulders hurt, my back hurts, heck, everything hurts. Ya know sometimes you feel like nothing you do is right, so why bother... I know I sound terribly vain but this has really been a tough day.

you're right, must be the moon. Ahh, it would be nice to hear some guy say something about not getting into his jeans, hmmmmm, better not....

 
Old 09-12-2003, 03:10 PM   #4
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I don't know if its vanity, maybe its just a part of the losses from RSD. Each of us puts importance on different things. The parking permit seemed very significant. But I don't know a woman or man really that wouldn't be annoyed about the weight gain.

After I got off of the Neurontin someone said loudly during a party, "well finally you don't look so bloated!" I feel so ugly being in pain that the weight was such insult to injury.

Once you change medications you will be able to get your diet in order and the bloating will go away. I will say that I am on the opposite swing now. I have lost 15 pounds in 5 months and I am 5 foot 1. I still look healthy though lean but I haven't been this low weight since the 6th grade. With the memory loss, I forget to eat. It is really bad and on days that I don't eat until 6 pm the pain is awful. I need to get my diet in order.

Maybe on days that are awful and feel out of control, I'll try and focus on what I have some control over.

Its so nice to know I am not alone.

[This message has been edited by dragonC (edited 09-12-2003).]
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Old 09-12-2003, 03:31 PM   #5
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Crying in public is nothing to worry about, or even falling apart at the seams to your instructor/professor. I have broke down so much due to RSD, in various places also. Every chronic pain patient thinks/attemps suicide, unforgently some people don't think twice when they hear someone say it. I am told that I have always lived in a special little bubble, in some ways it's true. I always thought people treated each other kind, until the last few yrs. I wish that lady would have paid attention to what you had said and would have found it in her heart to call someone to bheck up on you. I guess state workers don't have time for things like that. At least your in a better frame of mind this yr. It is so hard to live with this kind of pain, I want my arm cut of daily. So sick of all the meds, waiting for something better to happen.

But we all have our bad and good times. I wish you the best, hope this day is especially nice for you. So glad you found this board, everyone helps in our own way.

Dayton, quit eating so much lady (teasing) I thought I'd gain weight, never have guess I won't. All these meds just make my stomach sick!

Stick

 
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