Hi all, I'm still lower than snake's *** in a wagonwheel rut!!My hubby (who is soooo thoughtful) told me about a radio broadcoast on PBS about people who doctor shop. He told me this is what you do, go to doctors trying to get the disease of the month and pain meds! He told me this was epidemic in this country and that women just wanted attention that they didn't get at home so they go from doctor to doctor trying to get oxycontin and other meds to escape. I just almost cried, I said, uh huh, uh huh. I mean what in the heck can you say when someone is absolutely clueless?
My hip is still very bad from the last block. I can feel the muscle moving when I walk. Ugh. They were wanting to do an mri and right now no way. I'm just sick of doctors. The slight burning pain is starting in both arms and my neck and shoulders hurt something awful. Right now I'm about a 3-4 today. I feel like someone is sawing them off with a rusty blade. God, I just hurt all over, the light hurts my eyes, I walk like I'm 100, bent over. My hands hurt to make a fist and my feet feel like cut glass when I walk.
My pcp is still insisting that this is fibro and it's getting much much worse. he says well you seem to have improved on your vacation, now you come back, and you're worse than you were before, what does that tell you? You IDIOT!! it tells me that (a) my job is killing me and if it doesn't (b) hubby will with his insensitivity.
I just don't want to post anymore. I'm getting maybe 1-2 hours sleep a night, I'm so exhausted. At least my feet are not changing colors anymore and they're warm and not cold. I come home from hell and take a hot bath and go directly to bed. I figure if I go to bed early enough maybe I can get a little sleep. Then I wake up about 12 then 1 then 2 then 3, then 4, and finally get up at around 5.
I'm afraid to go back to the doctor. Every time I do something happens. I called my sis and she got hacked and told me "look i work with people who have weeks to live, what are you complaining about? you can pay your bills, your're working, just shut up. it's fibro and it's getting worse. one of the nurses has it, and she's on oxycontin and in excruciating pain every minute of every day." And I'm like, "uh excuse me, what am I?" I know sis has problems being a single parent (daughter is the town S___). She's head over heels in debt, and her hospital has no medical nor retirement. she only has 3500 in savings and that's it. she lost it all in the stock market bust.
Ah, I'm sorry, I just can't get out of this rut. I don't want meds, I want my life back. One stupid little accident and now I feel like, is this it? No wonder people commit suicide. If this is how people treat you, even the dang medical community who is my opinion is totally clueless, then what are we doing here?
Would God really be so cruel that he would say "no you suffer the rest of your life."
Sorry, you can tell I'm just really out there today. I wish some of you lived nearby. I so desperately just need a friend to get out and about sometime.
I hate like heck to say this but, you've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself and begin looking after yourself. You will never improve this way.
This may be a huge wake up call. I hope so. I am not trying to be mean.
We all want our old lives back, but that aint' going to happen either. All we can do is ACCEPT it and move on so we have the chance to improve.
1. I suggest you verse yourself better on Fibro.
Flares happen all the time. I remember having horrid severe one that lasted 6 months. I was in tears every day, every night.
They can be triggered by anything: stress, food, change in the weather and about anything else. People with Fibro, must work hard all the time. Learn what foods make you hurt. Sweets, carbs, coffee etc. Change your diet. Believe me if you find a good diet ( and I don't mean to lose weight. I mean a health choice} that works for you, you will NOT have as many flares. It took me almost 2 years to figure what foods I can eat and what I can't. It makes a huge difference.
2. Take each problem and work on it. It is normal to be depressed with Fibro and RSD, but it doesn't mean you have put up with it. Talk to your doctor. Start on antidepressants. You need to learn to give meds time to work. I remember you took Baclofen, stopped it a day or so later???? Baclofen is one of the best meds for spasms and may just help you with your back. It calms the nerves in your spine so that way they do get out of wack and cause MUSCLE spasms. There is no magic pill that will take all the pain away so you need to accept that too.
3. Consider yourself very lucky that you have pain levels 3-4. I would kill for that and so would many others.
4. Getting sleep is the most important thing when you have Fibro and RSD. If you don't get the sleep you need, you FLARE! That's what happens.
5. Since you can't do much about work and your wonderful hubby which I'd like come over give him a slap in the side of head. LOL I'm just kidding.
You can only change what you have control over.
I hope you think about some of this. Start with a little step to help yourself. YOu can do it.
Hugs Destiny
[This message has been edited by destinyevans (edited 10-21-2003).]
I can recommend a really good book about fibromyalgia. It called, "What your doctor may not tell you about fibromyalgia." The MD that wrote the book recommends taking Guaifenesin, which is usually an ingredient in cold preparations. You will need the pure Guaifenesin, which comes in 660mg and 1200 mg. I take 1200mg in the morning and 1200 mg at night. I have to warn you read the book first as when you first start taking it the pain from the fibromyalgia will increase, but slowly it goes away. It has worked wonders for my fibro. I had fibro before the RSD. But RSD symptoms can also mirror RSD symptons. They also advocate a high protein diet. The sugars only make the fibro worse. I have read many books on fibro, but this one was the best and about a year later the fibro is not so bad. This is suppose to eventually reverse all fibro symptons. Hey, I go for anything that will get me out of pain. The colder weather always kicks in my fibro and I felt it this year, but not as bad. I understand what you are saying. The fibro is so bad right now that you are exhausted when you get home and your in that fibro fog. You just hurt so much you wish that you had the flu, so at least you know it would end someday. I don't think many people understand fibro and think it is all in people's head but it's not. You want I come to Texas and talk to your husband. Believe me lady, I would.
You also need to be on an antidepressant. I don't know if you are now, but please get some. I take Prozac in the morning and Trazodone in the pm. I have read in many of my researches that anti-depressants are used to also deal with pain. The Trazodone makes you sleepy and will help you sleep better at night. The first 3 nights it made me so not sleep, now I have been putting in 5 hours, getting up for like 2 minutes and going right back to sleep. This from a woman who was addicted to Ambien until June of this year and couldn't sleep unless I took one very night. And it's a good REM sleep.
I hope I helped and I believe in you. Come back anytime and I'll check out your thread and help if I can. Or I'll be smiling with you on the days that start to make you better.
One other thing if I could suggest it. Is swore that I would never go into counseling, up and down, why waste good money on something I can talk to my family and friends about. I think counseling has helped me so much. I went in kicking and screaming, not a pretty sight, but someone had to do it why not me? He just listens, doesn't judge, hands me tissues, congratulates me on good days and most of all has helped me get beyond being centered into myself. That is a hard thing to accomplish when you have friends going your sick again, my sister, fibro doesn't exist, husband worried but not expressing it so I knew, kids wondering what is happening to mommy, couldn't work had to leave my job and I loved my boss. You know what I mean. I carried around guilt enough for everybody. I came with such baggage. But, to hear someone else voice it's okay to be depressed, cry, shout, stamp your feet, it's not fair. Only then did I realize yes, it's not fair, but this is what I can and can not do. This is my life now and I am going to make the best of it. I will not be another stastic on a board in the ER as DOA. I won't do it. I am better than that, and Dayton you are too. God still thinks your precious and He loves you, that will never change. Remember at this time He is holding you. Read Psalms, I always find answers there. Most of all stop listening to your husband and sister. In fact, they need therapy. Your husband needs to go with you, but start out alone. He has a problem if he makes you watch that and thinks whatever he is thinking. Say to him did I ever compain about my health like this before the accident, durrrrrrrrrrrrr
LiZ
__________________ LiZ
"Somebody's praying you through."
I'm not going to suggest anything. I have a feeling that I know exactly where you are emotionally, and honey, its a dangerous place. I know none of us can be there to give you a hug, or tell you it will all be okay. But I can offer you my friendship, my prayers, and as many blessings as I can get my church to pray for.
I wish so much that I could do more. Sweetie, don't let it beat you like this. You are SO much stronger than this monster. Coming back from where you are isn't going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
I know you're going through hell, and I know that nothing said here will change anything. But, please, know that we are here, I'm here, for you. If I could I'd come get you just to drive through the Arkansas mountains to look at the changing leaves. They are becoming beautiful.
I wish I could just bundle you up and run off with you for a real vacation,,,from stress, pain, aggravation, doctors, pills, all the things that are driving us bananas.
Have you tried downloading an Instant Messenger program like Yahoo or MSN to talk to others, too? It helps me sometimes.
Here's a big, gentle hug your way,,,,,,,,
a prayer for peace and peace of mind,,,,,,,
and a friend's wish for something to smile about.
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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ---Unknown
Nakona
__________________
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ---Unknown
Nakona
Dayton,
I don't have much more to add, other than my heart goes out to you. May God help you through this difficult time. May He teach your husband mercy.
God bless, Lori