I dont feel well - Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Message Board

Lacei2 · 10-27-2003, 12:38 PM

I hardly ever complain, And I just need too get it off my chest!

I feel so sick! It started with the insomnia, of course, which signals my impending flare, which is in full swing now. It feels like I havent had sleep for a good two weeks now, and now I will fall into a deep sleep, almost like i'm passing out, in an upright position out of the blue like an idiot, but only for a minute or two, just because of fatique. My body just cant take anymore of the sleepless nights!

Im swollen beyond belief in my legs and hands, and now, the nausea has kicked in too. I dont know if thats from the pain meds or RSD.

I keep smiling and my GREAT attitude because it always seems to pull me through, but in my house, its harder because of the break up im going through, and what im show on the outside is NOT what im feeling on the inside... and when im this sick and tired, it gets harder to push inside and hide.

Im afraid its all snowballing on me, and i wont be able to stuff it all much longer, and I just want to work, and get back to my normal self, instead of just pretending to be the 'tough cookie' who can take it.

I'm not that tough sometimes. This smile is just pasted on. I want to go cry because i hurt so bad physically, and emotionally too.

Sigh.. just thought maybe if i shared, it would feel better.

Would you guys please pray that my flare up eases up for me soon... I just want to get back to where I can function and make my smile more believable.

I sure could use some hands in the middle of my back!

Leanne

brighteyes_007 · 10-27-2003, 05:42 PM

Prayers on the way!!

Brighteyes

ejames4773 · 10-27-2003, 05:48 PM

Oh Leanne...my heart goes out to you. Your suffering seems so great. Have you taken the new med yet, or are you still hesitating? Sounds like you really need to get something to give you a good nights rest. Can your doc not give you something? You sound really worn out physically and mentally. You have to hang in for the boys. They need you.
All my prayers go out to you, but really it's practical help you need. Re your back, if I was there I would massage it gently, but what about some warm moist cloths, or a soak in a bath with Epsom salts?
Please let us know what happens. Meanwhile think about the nicest place you have ever been , when things were ok for you, and it was one of your happiest moments. Let the good feelings wash over you, and keep that in mind. Keep it as a fantasy to play over and over again in your mind. Use it when things are tough.

Lots of gentle hugs,
Edna xx

Nakona · 10-27-2003, 06:42 PM

Leanne.......oh sweetie I know how you feel.

I'm still doing the up all night bit, too. I was in so much pain today that therapy got cut short,,,,I almost passed out. So I got about 10 minutes of therapy on my hand and talked to my therapist for another half hour or so. She was afraid I wouldn't make it to the parking lot.

I have to say...its nice to finally have someone in the medical field on MY side for once!!!!!

I'm still where you are......no sleep, no appetite, excruciating pain, smiling and cracking jokes just because I'm SICK of not having something to smile about (its either laugh or cry and I don't have many tears left), feel like a burden on loved ones, sick and tired of being sick and tired, wanna scream I'm so sick of hurting but I'm afraid I'd never stop........

I'm sure it all sounds familiar....once again girl, we're on the same wave. And I wish we weren't. I wish none of us had this monster. But we do and we ALL do everything we can to try to have something resembling a normal life to spite it. And still fail because we aren't being true to ourselves by putting on a front for everyone, yet, what choice have we got?

Sweetie, I know where you're coming from. And all I can say is keep on trucking. You are so strong to have this and still be able to smile. And I know you're tired of smiling when you feel like crying, or punching something. And its ok to be tired of it. Sometimes you gotta take a little time to regroup and center yourself again.

I can't think of anything to suggest to help with the pain. Edna has some good ideas. My only suggestion would be to go do something, ANYTHING, just for YOU. Whether its a long hot soak, or a drive in the country, or an ice cream cone...anything. And if you can't justify it I can. You can't get a purpleheart for surviving a day with RSD, but you CAN reward yourself for every smile you gave away, every smile you caused that day despite how badly you want to crawl into a hole.

Reward yourself, take some time to regroup,,,,,NO ONE CAN DO THIS INDEFINITELY.....you told me that once. It was good advice then, and good advice now.

I'll remember you in my prayers.

------------------
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ---Unknown
Nakona

riceneuroni · 10-27-2003, 07:34 PM

Leanne, so sorry to hear you're in so much pain. I'll pray extra hard for you tonight to get some sleep. I've take melatonin at times for sleep. It's a natural whatever our bodies need that regulates night time and daytime patterns. I found out about it from several FMS discussion groups and found it helps. You're in my thoughts.