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Old 09-09-2001, 11:21 AM   #1
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snipor HB User
Post My long time G/F spends too much time at her Mom's house

I don't know if this is just a jealousy thing or what. But my G/f of 4 years seems to me spends way too much time with her mom. We live together now for a little over a year. It's real irriatating, because everytime something happens, she ask her mom. She won't make a single decesion with out asking her mom. She wastes ton's of gas driving to her mom's house on her days off when I'm at work and stuff. I get so tired of hearing "well, my mom saids". Can't this girl make a decesion by herself?

Do I have a right to be irritated? Or am I deep down inside being jeolous maybe? I'm confused. I get so irratated at her for doing that, should I be though?

 
Old 09-09-2001, 07:34 PM   #2
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You should be glad she is goung to her moms house and no where else. Why be jealous, Ive been married for 11 years and I talk to my mom everyday. Theres nothing wrong with your g/f being with her mother shes known her alot longer than shes been with you.Be greatful shes with her mom.

 
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Old 09-09-2001, 10:36 PM   #3
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I agree with threejs.
A mother-daughter relationship can be soo special. If it's her gas money and not yours, dont worry about it. She obiously loves her mom very much you shouldnt get in between that it will only mean trouble.
Though talk to your girlfriend and tell her how this is affecting you. Maybe you two can come to some kind of comprimise. However, if it were me, if my fiance of 5 years came to me and said stop talking to my mother as much, who is my best friend in the world, I would kick him to the curb. He is very understanding and actually loves the relationship I have with my mom because he thinks that makes me even a better person and eventually may make me a great mom as well. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif
Nothing comes before Mom. Period.
I know its frusterating but it's something of her you will have to either tolerate or not. Hopefully you come to a comprimise. Maybe explain to her how you think that she needs to concentrate more on the future life with you,etc.
All this is just my opinion.
Take care I hope you two work things out
Lori

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Old 09-09-2001, 11:34 PM   #4
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My ex used to get jealous over my relationship with my family. I'm sorry, but if a girl has a good relationship with her parents, especially her mum, you should not try and come between them. Don't ask her to choose between you and her family because she will choose them if forced to. My living arrangements with my ex became very tense whenever my family came to visit because he refused to give them accommodation, even though we could. (And even though if his parents came to stay he would always find room for them - one rule for one and one for the other!) Once it all came to a head and he told me we would break up if I didn't ask my mum to leave. That was the hardest few hours in my life, and I resented him bitterly for his attitude and for putting me through all that unnecessary stress. My advice to you is be understanding of her relationship with her mum and never criticize her family in front of her if you want to stay happy with her!

 
Old 09-10-2001, 07:32 AM   #5
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I'm gonna have to jump on this bandwagon. Be tolerant of your wife's relationship with her mom. We don't have our parents forever. I lost my mom two years ago, and I'm still not ok. But we were very close, and I was grateful that I spent all the time with her that I did. If it's truly excessive, maybe you can work out a compromise, but don't be forceful or whiny about it. Good luck.

 
Old 09-10-2001, 09:17 AM   #6
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HI! I READ ALL THESE AND I HAVE TO SAY I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSE. I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS. MY MOM USUALLY CALLS ME EVERYDAY IS SHE'S NOT BUSY. (I'VE GOT 6 BROTHERS AND SISTERS :-)). I THINK YOU SHOULD BE MORE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOTHER. SHE ISN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG. DO YOU FEEL LIKE SHE ISN'T SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU PERHAPS? TRY TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT BUT BE NICE. HOPE IT WORKS OUT!

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Old 09-10-2001, 03:41 PM   #7
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Thanks for the suggestions everybody. I understand now. See, my parents had their parental rights severed from me at young age. And all my life I have been moved from place to place. So I never really knew, or understood, what it was like to have a family. Now I see. Thank you.

 
Old 09-10-2001, 08:09 PM   #8
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snipor When your girlfriend goes to see her mother why not go with her? If youve never had a real family why not be part of hers. You may enjoy her moms company. Like they say "You cant beat them join them" Hope it all works out for you.

 
Old 09-20-2001, 11:14 PM   #9
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I once had a girlfriend who I was engaged to be married. She came from a broken home and had little family guidence. That didn't worry me at the time but it would haunt me latter on in the relationship. During an arguement she told me that my mother controlled my whole life and either she would have to go or her. I told her if that's the way she felt then start paking now. I took her home to mother's home and even for months afterwards we tryed to get back together but to no avail. She insited that I break from my family on every ocassion with all the tools to her disposal, but no way! My family ties me a great deal to me. I am the one which all my brothers have as the person to be guardian to their children in case of death. Since my mother and father were unacceptable they would down the line would be the same. My mother didn't control my life but I did confide with her and my father my mind just as I did with her. I found another woman who came from a strong family background. They even kiss and hug all the time. My family a bit to formal for that in public. We married and have been happy for 18+ years. I can truely say that I love here with a heart and a half.

I can't see any good coming of comfrontation about this. You need to look to see if you can live happily with it.

Good Luck,

Oliver

 
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