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Old 03-10-2002, 09:52 PM   #1
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Unhappy Falling for my boyfriend's brother...

I need a few words of advice from someone.
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for close to half a year. He's amazing, and he treats me great. The only problem is, he's got an older brother, and lately... I've been seeing the two of them differently. My boyfriend's brother is VERY attractive, successful, and has a great sense of humor. Everyone loves him. He's SO nice to me. We get along great, and I'm not sure if there's something there or not... he always compliments me, and buys me little gifts if I do him favors. -- Not to say that means anything more than it actually is. However...
Lately, I find that every time I get "physical" with my boyfriend, I'm thinking of his brother. They're both just SO great. This is becoming a big problem though. What do I do? Should I confess? Who should I talk to? What if my feelings for my boyfriends brother don't go away? Someone, please help...

 
Old 03-12-2002, 08:41 AM   #2
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Teary, to be honest with you I don't know what to say. What you need to look at in this situation is whom do you like the most or love the most. But upon making this decision you need to make sure both of them like you the way you are hoping that they do. Even though age is just a number how much of a difference is the older brother than you. The reason I am asking is because if he is ten years older than you. It would look as if he is successful but once you walked a mile in his shoes would you say the same thing? Is your boyfriend's brother a natural flirt? If so you need to keep that in mind when making the final decision. No one can tell you what to do or decide that is entirely up to you. But whatever you may decide I hope you choose the right guy. Other thing you may want to think about is there a possible boundary you may be crossing that should not be crossed. I have never dated any of my sister's boyfriends, but I did find a couple of them attractive, successful, and with a great sense of humor. And all of them did a lot for me. They were always like a brother that I never had. But, after all of that is said I wish you luck. And post back to let me know what you decide to do.


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Old 03-12-2002, 05:59 PM   #3
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Thank you so much for your kind words of advice. Every little bit helps. Really...
If you want to dig a little deeper into the siutation, then I can let you know a few more things.
My boyfriend is actually younger than me. His older brother is a couple years older than me. He's actually the same age as MY brother. There's no maturity difference to speak of. My boyfriend actually has sort of a younger mentality than I do. Of course, that's because he IS younger than me.
It's like, I met my boyfriend... and he's just great. However, my boyfriend then introduced me to his brother, and I was blown away. I can't help but think to myself... everything happens for a reason, and there's someone out there for everyone. So what if I met my boyfriend, as a way of coming in contact with his brother? I know it sounds stupid. A fate issue, and I can't rely on that alone.
They're both just so similar, and so great. They're both funny, smart, perfect people. It just seems like his brother is closer to being on the same track as I am.
The REAl issue here, is the fact that my boyfriend's older brother, is actually quite shy. He's not a flirt at all, he's in his twenties, and he's never had a serious girlfriend. I just feel like I should take him under my wing and show him how great it can be to have someone who cares about you, or even loves you. It breaks my heart when I talk to him after the weekend is over, only to hear that he wasn't able to meet anyone. That he couldn't find himself a girl. He spends a lot of nights alone at his place, with nobody. His friends all work, etc. I even wish I could just become better friends with him, so he wouldn't have to spend his nights alone. Being lonely. I want him to have someone to laugh with, someone to have a good time with. It's really a difficult situation, but do you understand what I'm saying?
I mean, I have plenty of nights where I'm alone, but I'm never lonely. HE, however... is very lonely. It doesn't make sense to me that he should have to spend all that time being lonely, when I live only a minute or two away.
I'm rambling. Sorry about this.

 
Old 03-12-2002, 06:46 PM   #4
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What I reccommend that you do would become friends with him first. How does the brother treat his women? You need to find out if you stepping over that line that some brothers look as 'sharing' their girlfriends. Would your current boyfriend befriend for being attracted to his brother? The reason I have said this is most of the guys that I have gone out with I remained friends with. Are you willing to give up everything that you and your current boyfriend to with what you hope is your destiny? LOve happens when you least expect it. You cannot go out searching for it because then it will run from you and scurry away until you least expect it. Everyone is destined to be with someone and it depends on the individuals if they are going to be free and explore every possibility. One thing that I will ask of you is to be careful with your destiny because every mistake you have made with your current boyfriend will soon get to the brother and come back to haunt you. If you need anything feel free to contact me.

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Old 03-12-2002, 08:22 PM   #5
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I would never in a million years think to break up with my boyfriend to go out with his brother. You just don't DO that. That's DEFENITELY crossing the line. That's why I sort of feel helpless, and trapped. I've got a good thing going with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't want to give that up, only to end up not being able to carry on any type of friendship with him, OR his brother. But it's like, now that I've gone out with my current boyfriend, I'll never be able to see what it may have been like if I would have met his brother first. What if things would have been better? They're both really great guys, and they both have a lot of respect for everyone around them. Family, friends, girlfriends, you name it. It's just a shame we live in a world where you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I just want his brother to know that he really is a great guy. There isn't a woman in the world that wouldn't want to be involved with him, so there's no reason for him to be down. I wish he knew what a great guy he really was, that's all. Instead of feeling like he's not good enough.
I wish there was something I could do.

 
Old 03-12-2002, 11:40 PM   #6
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you need to be honest with yourself. I went out with a girl for 18 months, when we broke up it wasnt so she could se another guy but if it was I would have wanted her to be honest with me. How long have you been going out and does he adore you? If he is very attached to you that can really hurt him, but if you guys are not inseperable it may be best for you to be honest with him and decide if what you two are doing makes both of you happy. because if your not happy then its not worth it.

 
Old 03-13-2002, 05:04 PM   #7
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TearyEyed:
Either your current BF is not as perfect for you as you say he is or you definitely are not actually in love with him, to be thinking about taking care of his brother's percieved needs.

If you cross this line, it is almost definite that you will lose both of these guys, because blood is thicker than no blood relationship!

There may be some kind of a unconscious competition or jealousy going on between the brothers, but that is no sign that the brother really even likes you personally, or would go for you.

You are messing with trouble if you don't get control of your thought life!

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Old 03-13-2002, 05:29 PM   #8
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As I said, I would never in a million years cross the line between families. I know I would come out on the bottom.
I can't help the way I feel. I never said I was in LOVE with my boyfriend's brother. Just thatI want the best for him. We're fairly close, and that's a natural feeling to be having.
And yes, my boyfriend IS wonderful. He's exactly what any girl could ask for. I care for him VERY much.
But as I said, I can't help the way I feel.
It's an innocent crush, and these things happen.
I'll just have to get over it.

 
Old 03-13-2002, 05:32 PM   #9
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As I said, I would never in a million years cross the line between families. I know I would come out on the bottom.
I can't help the way I feel. I never said I was in LOVE with my boyfriend's brother. Just thatI want the best for him. We're fairly close, and that's a natural feeling to be having.
And yes, my boyfriend IS wonderful. He's exactly what any girl could ask for. I care for him VERY much.
But as I said, I can't help the way I feel.
It's an innocent crush, and these things happen.
I'll just have to get over it.

 
Old 03-13-2002, 06:09 PM   #10
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TearyEyed -

So where do you live? Cause I could use a nice guy to spend some time with and hang out with!

 
Old 03-15-2002, 03:28 PM   #11
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TearyEyed:

There is nothing wrong with caring about someone, unless we get the idea that we have to be the one that takes care of him.

It does happen at times that we get emotionally entangled, not knowing where we end and the other person begins. Our responsibility ends at our own skin...his begins at his skin. He will get a girlfriend if he really wants one and is that great of a guy. You obviously are not that person.

It will help if you don't dwell on what you think he needs that you think you could give him if you were "free". Just remember that he is a grown man and can take care of his own needs.

Take care!
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