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Old 05-23-2002, 07:15 PM   #1
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Post I'M SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!

Hi it's me again. Let me tell you why I'm angry. I think I have found a roommate. My friend used to live with this girl that works with her. Now she needs someone to share her apartment with. I already contacted her and she told me that I can come by anytime and look at the apartment. But this is what I'm angry about. I told my mother about this and she doesn't think that I will make it on my own financially. She is trying to make me feel obligated to go to Arizona by telling me that the entire family will be upset if I don't go and that I have to think about everyone else before myself. And I have since 1999 when my father went into depression. I have done whatever I could for my family. I wasn't happy the last time I was in Arizona so why would I be happy there now? I am not a kid anymore. I AM ALMOST 25 YEARS OLD!!!! I have every right to live where I want. It's like no one in my family understands how I feel. Please someone respond to this.

 
Old 05-23-2002, 09:57 PM   #2
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i think that you are certainly old enough AND mature enough to be completely independent. you should do what's best for YOU and the people who really love you will stand by you NO MATTER WHAT. you can't live the rest of your life for other people. if you do that, it'll all flash before your eyes and by the time you know it, you'll be old and dying and have NOTHING to show for it! i hope everything works out for you!

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~ Kim ~
~~~~~~~

 
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Old 05-23-2002, 11:42 PM   #3
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Tara A. Baldini:
Here is just something to think about.
If you are ready and want to be on your own, then someone else wanting you to do otherwise should not matter.

You will always come across those that want something different than you want for yourself.
Maturity means making choices based on what YOU value, regardless of anyone else's opinion.

Your mother is not doing anything against you to see if she can get you to do what she thinks is best. Try to be kind to her in your communication, and understand that she feels sad to lose your company and help.
Affirm to her that it is time for you to take care of yourself, and that you will be OK, and still stay in communication.

It is very hard for mothers to let go, as you will learn if you ever get to be a mom. She probably is hurting too much to be able to encourage you in this step.

Try to understand how she feels about her loss while you make the moves you need to make. It will work out all right, and both of you will be fine.

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Old 05-24-2002, 03:46 AM   #4
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Tara,

Kim is absolutely right. You have to be strong and stand up for yourself. Remember that you're now 25 years old..an adult!! Its your time now...time to live your life and be independent.

You can't go on living your life for somebody else (that includes family). If you do this before you realize it you'll be 45 years old still living at home wondering how life passed you by.

I believe you can do this Tara. You CAN be independent and you're going to be just fine!!

Take care and stay strong!! Vent here all you want and stay strong!

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Nic

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Old 05-24-2002, 08:36 AM   #5
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Hi Tara, Chris here
Go for it!!! It is what you really need.
Take care, Chris

 
Old 05-24-2002, 12:37 PM   #6
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I am not trying to hurt my family on purpose. I do understand my mother being worried about me making it on my own. But emotionally and physically I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I'm losing it up here. I just want to settle down. Have a place that I can call home.

 
Old 05-24-2002, 03:16 PM   #7
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Tara A. Baldini:
I am not trying to hurt my family on purpose.[/QUOTE]


I know you aren't doing anything wrong to your mom or family.
It is a loss, though, when a child moves on. Even though mom's know it is going to happen, they are usually not prepared for what it feels like.
Give her extra hugs and tell her you ARE "doing this, so please be happy for me".

Give her space to have her own feelings about it, and don't feel guilty no matter what she says. She will make the adjustments, and if she doesn't, it is her choice.

There is nothing you can do to make her feel OK about this, so do what is healthy for you. I think you are making a healthy grown-up choice! Good for you!


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Old 05-24-2002, 03:22 PM   #8
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Hey Tara, I have to agree with Kim, and Nic, you are completely capable of supporting yourself. Plus you will have a roommate, how much better can it get. This is your chance to start living for you. Your family will support you in the end, it will be a bit of an adjustment for them, but they will get over it. You said you didn't like Arizona the last time, plane and simple, don't go. I live 3,000 miles from my parents, and I love it. I don't like that I can't just take the kids over to see grandma, or grandpa, but they have excepted this. (I might add that Kim is not too keen on living that far from home, or should I say CA, lol.) The choice is yours, and yours alone. I think you will be just fine, trust me though, it will be hard (emotionally) for you also, so be prepared for that. Good luck. ( Hi Kim, and Nic)

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~cadis~
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I love you dearly Kim, A/F.

 
Old 05-24-2002, 05:58 PM   #9
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Hi Tara, I suggesting getting a copy of Bubbleboy, and everytime you doubt for a second that your right about "cutting the apron strings" watch the movie! You'll know you made the right decision. I have been independent of my family scince I was 18. You can do it, its not always easy, good friends help so when you find them, keep them. Good luck -Mary

 
Old 05-24-2002, 08:06 PM   #10
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Can I find that movie anywhere, like at Blockbuster? You are all right. I am going to do what's right for me. Thank you all for your caring and support. It will work even if I have to take on a second job which I did already. I have my own business and also am trying to get a better restaurant job. Where I am right now is not working at all. Not enough money which I will need to make it independently. My family will understand sooner or later. I have to have a life now.

 
Old 05-25-2002, 09:57 AM   #11
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You sure can find the movie anywhere, it should still be in the new releases! Its a silly funny movie- almost stupid- ok definetly stupid- ya know light and funny. -enjoy Hey maybe your mom will watch it with you- all though its probally too much to hope for that she might see a reseamblence between the screen mom and herself! (smile- I know mine wouldn't - she had me believing for years that I was going to go to hell for cursing and even thinkin' anything remotely sexual)

[This message has been edited by memehegan (edited 05-25-2002).]

 
Old 05-25-2002, 10:59 AM   #12
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Dear Tara,

Be strong, and don't give up.

Thanks Joe

 
Old 05-25-2002, 12:24 PM   #13
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I am going to Blockbuster to look for that movie.

 
Old 05-25-2002, 12:36 PM   #14
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I got an e-mail from my mother because I e-mailed her yesterday. This is what she said:
Arizona state is a very nice college, the unemployment rate is 1 percent. Plenty of jobs in the phoenix area unlike tucson which had no jobs. we are all tired we are not relocating anymore...and stop talking to those wackos on the healthboards..and in the long run you will be better off money wise have a better car etc. any questions e-mailing is stupid talk to me in person...
I feel like I am in prison. I have to go everyhwre they go. Someone please help me....

 
Old 05-25-2002, 06:50 PM   #15
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well tara, what she wrote right there goes to show that she's just going to push and push until you give up and give in! stand up to her and let her know that you would love her support on this but that her lack of support will not affect your decision in the least. like i said before, the people who love you will stand behind you NO MATTER WHAT. does she know that sometimes e-mailing her is more helpful to you than talking to her in person? sounds to me like she just doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself and the "we" she keeps talking about. and if hers is really a case of not wanting to let her child go, then i could think of a better way to handle it without making my child feel like $hit. maybe she needs some help. good luck!

------------------
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~ Kim ~
~~~~~~~

 
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