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Old 12-04-2002, 07:05 PM   #1
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Post Normal to be shy and quiet?

I never talked with anyone about this, but all thru elementery school I NEVER talked , I was known as 'the mute' I only said like 1 or 2 words with anyone or unless asked a question from a teacher, I dont know why I was shy, but just didnt really have anything to say, I still am quiet and very reserved, and usually just talk when I have an opinion or when asked upon.
Up to middle school and highschool I came out my shell more and made some friends that I still talk with to this day. but like at work or social gatherings, parties etc. I usually just sitback and listin observe everyone, when co-workers are in conversations and telling jokes, I feel embarrased cause I dont say anything with them, its not like I dont want to, its just I have nothing to say, maybe Im just that boring. I guess what Im asking is it it normal to be like this?
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Old 12-04-2002, 11:03 PM   #2
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Younglife,
I was in your situation as a child as well. The reason why I didn't speak much is because I had a speech problem and problems with English. I went through many years of ESL and speech therapy to overcome my communication problems. It wasnt till high school that I was able to come out of my shell. Now I'm a loud mouth, very opinionated, and downright smart @$$ sometimes. The only times that I am quiet in social settings is when I'm tired and fatigued. Then I just sit back and ignore everyone.

Over the years I've learned that communication is vital, especially when it comes to networking or making connections. Honestly if you wanna make it in this world, you gotta know people or have connections. My little cousin is kinda anti-social. All he does is stay in his room and play video games all day long. Even when there is a family get-together or party going on, he retreats to his room. I think the only time he talks to people is via the internet, chatting. What I'm trying to say is that your situation is quite normal, you just happen to be more reserve. You don't seem to be anti-social like my cousin. I think it's only problem if you let it be.
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Old 12-06-2002, 06:21 PM   #3
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Well, how much does this really bother you? Are you only bothered (if you even ARE bothered) by it because you think other people perceive you as weird, or anti-social or stuck up, or something? Don't worry tooo much what other people think. Most of them are far more worried about themselves then they are about you. Besides, everyone was created differently and maybe this is just you. I don't think there's anything wrong with being quiet or reserved. In fact, the world probably needs fewer loudmouths and more quiet folks, like you.

But if you really feel inept, I would suggest you "practise" your social skills. When you are at that party, sitting back and being quiet, really pay attention to the other participants. Find some people that seem very poised and comfortable with themselves and listen to the sorts of things they talk about, AND how they respond to other peoples comments and questions. This could give you some ideas, since you seem to have little to talk about.

One thing I have learned, most people like to talk about themselves, so if you are ever really stuck, just start asking the person sitting nearby a question about themselves. They'll probably open up to you a lot more than you might anticipate. Casually say something like, "This spinach dip is great. I'm Jane Doe, by the way. I know Richard (the host) from work. How do you know him?" They'll respond with something, then you can follow up with something like, "So what do you do? I work in marketing for Keason West." "Oh, you're an engineer, interesting! What sorts of things do you design?" Then you can get into more personal things, if you are feeling comfortable. As long as you tell a bit about yourself, like your name, where you work, how you know the host, etc., it will SEEM as though you are keeping up your end of the conversation. Practise at home in front of a mirror if you want. LOTS of celebrities and actors do that sort of thing.

Also, think about this, shyness is really just a form of vanity. Most people who are shy think they are not "good" enough. Don't worry about that. Most people feel that way, even if they don't act like it. Start ACTING like you're not shy, and maybe you'll come out of your shell. Best wishes with that.! Pal

 
Old 12-08-2002, 12:02 PM   #4
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Cool

thanks for the replies.

no, i guess it dosnt bother me much. thats how i just am, im happy with it. even on the internet i dont have much to say :0
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Old 12-10-2002, 10:40 AM   #5
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YoungLife, I was the same way. When I was little I was so shy and quiet and was that way even in high school. I eventually came out of my shell and you will too.

 
Old 12-10-2002, 11:11 AM   #6
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It was a GREAT day for me when I took a personality survey at work, and discovered that I am an introvert. Up until that time, I thought I was just an anti-social person in a social world, and that something was wrong with me because I didn't always feel the need to socialize with others and sometimes even found it to be draining. But no, about 20% of the world are introverts, meaning that we are introspective and derive energy from our "alone time." The rest of the world recharges their batteries by social interaction. It's not that introverts don't like to interact socially, we just don't do it to "survive" (for lack of a less dramatic term) like extroverts do. That is one explanation that I have heard, and that seems to fit me pretty well. It sounds to me like you may be an introvert as well. In that case, it is normal to be somewhat quiet and shy around others. Just accept yourself as you are, and work on changing what you don't like about yourself if your shyness bothers you.

 
Old 01-05-2003, 04:31 PM   #7
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I was the same way - especially in middle & high school. As you get older, you'll get used to people and you'll grow out of it - I know how you feel!

 
Old 01-06-2003, 03:14 AM   #8
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I don't know about growing out of it, though,.... that doesn't always happen. Sometimes it gets worse. True, what is most important is if you are comfortable with yourself, but it's also important to realize we as human beings are social creatures, and the inability to communicate, or another viewpoint is, the unwillingness to learn to communicate, can become a severe impediment -- to personal relationships with your boyfriend/girlfriend, with your kids, it can interfere with socialization which then reflects on everything from friendships to work relaionships.

I agree most people want to talk about themselves, and that's always a safe way to open a conversation. But what is just as frustrating is when people, people who are important to you, try to initiate conversation with you and are met with a lackluster response, or no reply, or single-word answers,... even your comfort cannot always speak enough about your qualities as a person.

If I had to put all my money on one thing it would be this: If someone cannot or does not learn to or want to learn to, communicate well with others, it will retard that person's growth as a human being, childhood into adulthood, and it will have strong impacts on their behavior, perception, and ability to interact well with others. While there may be someone who enjoys being a hermit and doesn't want a spouse or kids or pets, and gets a job working from home,... and has money in the bank to live off of not requiring any kind of social network or support structure,... in those situations, maybe that person will make it. But in the real world, not caring about social interaction and communication is more harmful.

While job interviewers seem to prefer the academics with college degrees, -- you can be as well-informed as an encyclopedia with letters off your name as long as your arm, but if you cannot or do not or will not relate to people, people will not want to go out of their way to relate to you (whether it's at work or personally).

I suppose like anything else, the severity to which this extends.

 
Old 01-06-2003, 03:39 AM   #9
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Talk to your doctor about this. You might have what is called a "social disorder" which can be treated.

 
Old 01-06-2003, 10:34 AM   #10
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You seem normal to me.
Most people have some kind of social discomfort, because we are all different, and we may not be confident in our differences.

I am not one for chitchat but I talk on a subject I find interesting. Just be yourself and be quiet when you choose to. A lot of talking is just to fill up silence people are not comfortable with.
If you are comfortable not joking, that is normal for you.

I get my energy from my alone time, too. I socialize, but when I want to.

I hate for the way people often are to be made out to be wierd or sick. It is OK for you to be yourself.


[This message has been edited by friend (edited 01-06-2003).]
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Old 01-06-2003, 12:42 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by friend:
You seem normal to me.
Most people have some kind of social discomfort, because we are all different, and we may not be confident in our differences.

I am not one for chitchat but I talk on a subject I find interesting. Just be yourself and be quiet when you choose to. A lot of talking is just to fill up silence people are not comfortable with.
If you are comfortable not joking, that is normal for you.

I get my energy from my alone time, too. I socialize, but when I want to.

I hate for the way people often are to be made out to be wierd or sick. It is OK for you to be yourself.


[This message has been edited by friend (edited 01-06-2003).]

I think so to...you seem normal. I have always been quiet unless I have something to say. (Then you can't shut me up sometimes.) I was "anti-social" at one time because I had social anxiety, but I did eventually get over it all & now I can talk to people more often & more comfortably. I just generally don't like to be bothered & I talk when I'm good & ready to. I also like the quiet.

 
Old 01-12-2003, 11:03 AM   #12
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I think that is how I grew out of my shyness. As I got older I got to know people and feel more comfortable around them.

 
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