What is wrong with this person? - Relationship Health Message Board

SalManela · 03-06-2003, 07:52 AM

First of all, I would like to describe this guy to you all just to give you an overview of his personality. This person is a friend of mine and can be a nice person at times but most of the time seems to be angry at the world. He is very conservative, greedy, spiteful, full of vengeance, lacks empathy and his generousity is always at a price. Most of these traits he would proudly admit to. He always comments on womens looks and if they are overweight they are automatically outcast. Well, we were in the middle of a conversation, when he mentioned that he worked with this "ugly chick" and that they didn't get along (of course)...blah blah blah. Well, he said one day she asked him for a ride home or something like that and he told her he would give her a ride but she would have to ride in the back seat because he didn't want anyone to think she was his girlfriend or anything like that. This really disturbed me and I told him that was really rude of him. What would make a person have these type of traits? I have never encountered a person like this before and it's starting to annoy me. I'm afraid to mention anything because he is a major influence in the workplace if you get on his bad side, there is no coming back. Period. Has anyone ever had to deal with this type of person?

Genevra · 03-18-2003, 09:06 PM

At the very least, he sounds like a jerk. If I were you, I would just keep my distance. Just be polite, but don't get personally involved.

You have to work with him, so keep things light and friendly.

Good luck.

Genevra.

SalManela · 03-24-2003, 03:33 PM

Thanks for the reply Genevra. I'm not even sure I should have posted this here but I just needed some insight to try to understand this person. Yes. I keep our relationship at a safe distance and I don't get too personal with him. He seems to recognize his faults and sometimes asks me what I think is wrong with him and his behavior. He trusts me and considers me his friend. That is OK with me because I think he needs a least one friend that is somewhat normal. He has stated before that his mother left his father when he was around 11yrs old. I get the impression that he resents his mother and that his father may have given him negative ideas about his mother. This may have caused him to be a sort of chauvinist in his later years and could be one of the causes of his current behavior. His mood seems to swing back and forth though. Some days he is recognizing his faults and other days he relishes in being a jerk because he like to cause "hate and discontent". I would suggest for him to see a psychologist but of course his pride prevents him from doing so.

RareEndo · 09-17-2003, 07:24 AM

sounds like a narcissist to me...at the very least a masogynist (women hater) How was/is his relationship with his Mother???

The thing you said that strick out to me is that he does things for people but for a price?? Typical narcissitic supply!!

Anyway, it's something that or a personality that is deeply ingrained, these people generally men, have a false sense of themselves or rather no sense of their true self...suggest looking into it.

In addition, stear clear of a real relationship, once in you too (as cunning as he can be to you) he'll ruin your self esteem and you'll find yourself defending yourself all the time...it starts out well, too good to be true, and ya know what? It is!

Look up narcissists (sp?) or Dr. Sam Vankin has web pages full of info about himself (a NPD)

Good Luck
Rareendo

mistyone · 09-17-2003, 10:46 AM

be very cautious with this guy as he sounds like he could be passive -agressive also if you work with him and point out his faults at his request he could end up using that against you.....he sounds very manipulative so keep it what i call 'top top' superficial and professional at best.....tell him he would be nest looking into a counseling situation as you are not trained, tell him, to answer these type of questions and that will get you off the hook....he must be a very unhappy person inside and lashes out at others in not being able to accept others flaws as he feels threatened in some way by their appearances....in a way, he sounds like the movie i saw shallow hal in that he will find fault with others as he knows he himself has faults...he projects himself upon others...