Help with relationship with BPD G/F - Relationship Health Message Board

steve48 · 05-08-2003, 10:39 AM

I am new to this board and need some advice with my on again off again relationship with BPD girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for about 1 year now but we have been apart for 2 weeks .We just returned from a vacation where we had a great time. Then the rejection began again. She made excuses as to why she didn't want to get together. Everytime things start to get close between us she starts to do things to push me away, which I am used to since this has been the norm for past year. My question to the board is that this time she put a personal ad on a few dating websites, which she has never done before.In the past when we were apart I would leave her alone for 2-3 weeks and then she would call , apologize , say this breakup was not about me , but her stuff and that she does want to see me, even when she can't she does and off we would go again, lasting a month or two before it would happen again. She always told me I was the nicest guy she was ever with and nobody ever treated her better, but now she pulled back and I am a non caring person in her eyes. I don't know what to do at this point. Is the posting of the personal ad's her attempt to end this or is this just another impulsive act on her part... Please help!!!!

trishki · 05-08-2003, 08:57 PM

RUNNNN!!!! see my post under 'daughter of a narcissist' re: what my relationship was like with a guy who sounds just like your gf. it is very painful to recover from such a hot/cold relationship but my advice is get away from her, cut her off cold turkey, and begin your recovery, and look for someone good/kind/nice who is capable of sustaining a relationship.

my ex also started looking for dates via online dating, only a month after we were together - and after he told me he was 'always monogamous' and i was 'everything he'd ever wanted.'

it's going on 7 months and i'm still recovering.

i really really hope you get away from this girl.

steve48 · 05-08-2003, 09:27 PM

sorry to hear your pain, I feel for you. I know your advice is the best, however,I have tried to forget her in the past, but I fell in love with her, not her BPD. I know she has no control over it , though she was working on it with meds and therapy. I think that she is trying to get over the relationship by running away and dating others and the realizaton hurts me, but I know that once I get over her I will look back on it as a blessing instead of the torment and sadness I feel today.Thanks for your advice and i wish you a healthy recovery.

trishki · 05-08-2003, 10:59 PM

i think you will definitely think of is at a blessing...down the road.

i'm starting to myself

Rebeckah · 05-09-2003, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by steve48:
I am new to this board and need some advice with my on again off again relationship with BPD girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for about 1 year now but we have been apart for 2 weeks .We just returned from a vacation where we had a great time. Then the rejection began again. She made excuses as to why she didn't want to get together. Everytime things start to get close between us she starts to do things to push me away, which I am used to since this has been the norm for past year. My question to the board is that this time she put a personal ad on a few dating websites, which she has never done before.In the past when we were apart I would leave her alone for 2-3 weeks and then she would call , apologize , say this breakup was not about me , but her stuff and that she does want to see me, even when she can't she does and off we would go again, lasting a month or two before it would happen again. She always told me I was the nicest guy she was ever with and nobody ever treated her better, but now she pulled back and I am a non caring person in her eyes. I don't know what to do at this point. Is the posting of the personal ad's her attempt to end this or is this just another impulsive act on her part... Please help!!!!

steve48, I would say that you need to let her go and yes, I agree that you need to run. Some relations are based on conflict like yours seems to be. Ask your self why you have not left yet. What is in your backround that keeps you hanging around in a miserable relationship. Go now while you can still go. sometimes people will get so entrenched in these kinds of relationships that they NEVER do get out and miss out on finding a truly loving and mutually happy and respectful relationship. RUN.....even if your heart is not fully in it. We are hearing you here and advising you to run. Then, you may want to read a very informative book called YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, by Louise Hay. Libraries have it. I wish you peace in your life, Rebeckah