Re: He only tells me what I want to hear, boyfriend being lazy
Ugh...I have been there before. (once married to a musician just like that!) It's hard because you want to believe them, and you can hear the sincerity in their voice, but always in the end a disappointment! I am actually married now to a man who loves me very much, but isn't so great with money. He doesn't really care as much as I do about the budget I made, and if it weren't for my constantly reminding him: "but we don't HAVE the money for that right now!" I think we'd be SO broke.
What I suggest is this: When he asks for money, tell him that things are kind of tight this month, and you are SO sorry! You will try to help him NEXT month. Forget about the scooter...unfortunately, that is probably a lost cause at this point. (small loss considering what you could be losing in the future!)
You see, he needs to begin to know that you as his safety net is no longer available. He doesn't have to push himself to survive because he KNOWS you will save him when he needs it!!! The trick is to not harp on him getting a job or repaying you for whatever, but to gently slide away the financial fostering you've been giving him! This is a very passive and gentle way of saying "do it yourself!" He can't get angry with you because you can't help him this month because if you do "YOU will be in financial straights!"
I KNOW from experience this works. But if you keep helping him you will one day find yourself in a WHOLE HEAP of DEBT which will have HIS name and YOUR resentment all over it!!!
What you're doing doesn't seem to hit home with him....so switch strategies....at least give it a try!
Last edited by untrustingbride; 11-26-2003 at 06:50 PM.