Dad makes it clear that I'm nothing... - Relationship Health Message Board

PC509 · 01-06-2004, 04:17 PM

My Dad (and Mom) make it fairly clear that I'm not much to them. They go on and on and on and on about my Sister and her Husband. How great they are, how great of parents they are, how smart they are... And they make it obvious to me. They just tell me that they are so great. They NEVER give me any positive feedback. Just tell me that he wishes that people were are as smart as her husband is. He is smart in his field (EMT/Fire Fighter/Water Technician), but I am in my field as well (Computer field/Electrician). I've passed many exams, done work that was awesome, yet I never get so much as a "nice work", where as he does! He can do no wrong!

I'm 28, and he's 24. I don't want much, but should they be making it so obvious, and what can I do about it. They do the same thing to their kids and mine (I tell them about my kids, and theirs always have to be better, even when they are not!). I plan on just distancing myself from them for a while, and doing my own thing. I don't NEED their encouragement, but I kinda like to make my own Dad proud of me.

Is this a good idea, or does anyone have any other suggestions? I plan on keeping all my affairs, work, accomplishments to myself to see if they even care, which I highly doubt they will.

Thanks for listening to me rant, and thanks in advance for any suggestions!

JessieD · 01-06-2004, 05:30 PM

I can understand your frustration. But is it possible that they talk you up to your sister and her husband? Maybe they think all your parents care about is you!

PC509 · 01-06-2004, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessieD

I can understand your frustration. But is it possible that they talk you up to your sister and her husband? Maybe they think all your parents care about is you!

Nope. No way. The only reason it's upsetting me now is that up until I got married, I had a perfect relationship with my family. They've also made it pretty clear that they don't really like my wife... Maybe that's the problem... Dumb reason, though, and my Dad isn't usually like that.

Want 2 B Well · 01-06-2004, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PC509

They've also made it pretty clear that they don't really like my wife... Maybe that's the problem...

You could sit down and talk about this if you think you are up for it. Just say what you said here and see what they say. It may give you the direction you need to take.

Ksavage · 01-06-2004, 08:30 PM

More than likely they do not even realize what they are doing. If I were you, I would sit down with them and tell them what they are doing and how it makes and your wife feel. They might have some sort of strange explanation for it all, or they just might not know what they are doing. If it continues after your talk I think that the idea of distancing yourself from them would be a good idea. My parents do this to me. Except they rant and rave about what a great man my husband is & act as if I would be "trash" without him & then on top of that they act as if my brother hung the moon. I have talked to them about it & they are in denile & put the blame back on me. They say that I am just overly sensitive & I take things too personal. (could be

) BUT....even after I let them know how it made me feel, it seemed as if they continued to makes their "comments" more often. So I had to back away & give myself some space before it drove me up the wall. I know that you must really be having a tough time with this & I wish you luck in however you decide to deal with this tough situation. Hopefully they will listen to you & realize what pain they are causing.
Try to stay possitive & be darn proud of who you have become. It sounds as if they are really lucky to have you as a son. Shame on them for missing out on your accomplishments.
Keep us posted on how things go for you.
Kim