It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-27-2004, 07:36 AM   #1
Inactive
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 103
TruthaboutLife HB User
Lightbulb Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I've used the internet on a more than frequent basis and have had a lot of fun along the way. I've probably been out on dates with in excess of over 30 or so guys but I've not found them to be the same in person as I have expected. It's nothing to do with looks, because I'm not that shallow. It's just most of them seemed to have either ego problems or issues that I couldn't deal with, or just completely boring.

I really don't believe you can just connect with someone via a computer. I think it's possible to think you have connected with them but I doubt the actual reality is the same.

Having surfed the net and spoken to lots of people it appears to me that most of the people chatting online are either lonely or damaged people. I guess at one time I fell into both categories but having done the internet meeting scene, I realize I'm not THAT lonely to have continued it.

I believe most people are ashamed to admit they have met via the internet, if they have, and usually tell the other partner to pretend they met another way...is that because they realize they appear 'sad' to other people?

Half the time I suspect the person has fallen in love what what they perceived to be behind the computer rather than what actually is.

Finally, out of the many conversations I've had, it appears that most of them say they have "trust" issues because of past experiences. But it occurs to me that internet relationships are always very fast paced. Quick to date, quick to love, quick to live together, quickly over.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to TruthaboutLife For This Useful Post:
GenPine (02-26-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-27-2004, 07:51 AM   #2
Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 305
ana_24 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I've met my boyfriend of 6 months of the lavalife website and we're not ashamed of how we met. We have a great relationship. We're neither desperate nor boring, just two very busy people who don't believe in meeting someone in bars. Our families and friends know how we met and they think it's great. We often get comments like, wow, you two must have just gotten lucky because you're both so nice, we didn't think people like you went on sites like those.
I also have several girlfriends and colleagues who have met their current partner this way. Two girls in my office are engaged and planning their weddings now with men they also met on lavalife. They unfortunately had to go through many, and I mean MANY frogs before meeting their online prince. I got lucky and found mine on first try Hang in there, it'll happen eventually!

 
Old 02-27-2004, 07:55 AM   #3
Inactive
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 103
TruthaboutLife HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I have gone back to traditional methods of meeting people. If the internet works for some, that's great, but for me, personally I found it hardwork and annoying.

 
Old 02-27-2004, 08:55 AM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 33
Plum HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

Considering that people are moving away from home territory in pursuit of careers, and working long hours to build those careers, my guess is meeting people via the internet will not only grow but become very acceptable. It's not meeting by internet that's a problem; the problem is people not understanding that relationships happen differently that way. As you said, people think they're connecting. It's easy to tell your deepest, darkest secret to someone you may never encounter again. It's not like you'll meet him in the elevator tomorrow or pass his desk on the way to yours. If you embarrass yourself, you just remove the witness from your buddy list. If you like him, though, you'll keep talking and you'll feel connected because, after all, you've "trusted" him with your deepest, darkest secret. But without the risk, there really is no intimacy.

Are there some emotionally crippled people using the internet to connect? Sure. Just like there are with the bar scene, newspaper personals, and church ice cream socials. Everything most of us know about building relationships is based on the traditional process of meeting, dating and hoping. The model needs modification to work successfully with technology. You've already heard about people who recognized the need for adaptation and applied it with positive results, whether or not they knew that's what they were doing.

I think internet meeting is becoming both more acceptable and more popular. If you'll look through the older threads, you'll find one about successful internet meetings. One of my co-workers just married a man she met through Yahoo personals. She's very low tech, very traditional, very practical and not at all hesitant to talk about how they met. If you live in a rural area, as we do, or have an unusual special interest, the internet opens a whole new pool of potential partners. It's also an excellent venue for people with limited mobility or for those who have, or prefer, substance over form.

It may not have worked for you. That's reasonable. It's equally reasonable that it will work for others.

 
Old 02-27-2004, 09:17 AM   #5
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I find online love making to be a plus for those people that are to shy to go out and meet somone.

Every person has there on personality traits, character, and even the way they meet someone. With these match making websites it helps these people find other that are just like them because it breaks everything down about the person.

I persoanlly never used an online thing but like the idea that it is there for those who don't go out to meet others.

 
Old 02-27-2004, 09:20 AM   #6
Inactive
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 838
newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I find online love making to be a plus for those people that are to shy to go out and meet somone.

Every person has there on personality traits, character, and even the way they meet someone. With these match making websites it helps these people find other that are just like them because it breaks everything down about the person.

I persoanlly never used an online thing but like the idea that it is there for those who don't go out to meet others.
Just a question...is "online love making" the same as online dating?

 
Old 02-27-2004, 09:30 AM   #7
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Just a question...is "online love making" the same as online dating?


To me yes... If you meet someone online then turn it into a relationship then your dating

 
Old 02-27-2004, 10:55 AM   #8
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 107
Cindy_S74 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I met my husband online almost 4 years ago. Yes I was lonely and needing someone to talk to because I was going through a very nasty divorce. I wasn't online looking for love, but it turned into love. I was online chatting with people to help with the abuse and everything I had been put through by my ex husband. We started dating in May of 2000, moved in together October of 2001, married November 30, 2002 and had a daughter December 7, 2003. Internet relationships work for some and some it doesn't. We are not ashamed of how we met and we will tell everyone that ask how we met. And another thing, there is 17 years between us. He is 47 and I'm 30. He is a father for the first time at 47 too. So I guess we give alot of people alot of stuff to talk about huh?!?!!

 
Old 02-27-2004, 11:41 AM   #9
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I think the net is just a great tool for all type of people

 
Old 02-28-2004, 06:12 PM   #10
Mara
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

Online dating is just another convenient option and tool people have and with any tool, you have to consider the risks & benefits. Essentially, you have to review & sift through submitted resumes of applicants & decide who to interview, so to speak. Phone calls or letters don’t take the place of companionship. Meaningful communication can elicit details a person might not casually discuss but through another medium, it can be easier. In that way you could learn more in less time whereas in person it could take years to learn the same only after you may have fallen for the person  There are dangers & unsafe situations people get themselves into. Weather you meet people in the traditional sense or not, you will still be faced with the same challenges, how people meet is just a detail. There is an anonymous factor to consider, the nature of the beast. You could meet a person who may not have any issues and be right up your alley but rub you entirely the wrong way or you may not be what he’s looking for…

Scenario, lets say you’re in the market to buy a house. Your RE broker shows you pictures and listings data sheets about properties available that fit your criteria. You arrange to view the ones that look promising (on paper), & by picture that you are most interested in etc. You view the properties and decide to bid on the one you fell in love with. Until you receive the engineer’s report, only to find the property has a poor overall rating. The basement floods, the roof leaks, there is termite damage, the foundation has cracks and the life expectancy of the appliances is not promising. The burner is on its way out and you’re in shock because it sounded good, after all the report you were presented with at first inspection was constructed to present it in the best light to peek your interest & get you to “bite”. They have been fishing for buyers and it’s been on the market for some time…The RE broker put the best rug forward to sell & get the best commission they can. Know in the future that cute and cozy means a tiny crawlspace. Appearances can be deceiving, you can walk right into a mess and not know it until the background check is done.


What do people do to get ready to go out? You won’t get a second chance to make a first impression. A person could get lost in this and never know who that person really is because of monitored projection. What is letting your hair hang down? It’s personal preference in the standards. Be careful how you judge someone, if you had troubles before, someone you like may turn you away because they may think you have baggage and consider you (as you put it) “damaged”.

Heartbroken because you fell in love with the house before "checking under the hood" and now have to walk away from a potential disaster or you could go forward if you have the resources to invest and rebuild the property. I think if you are looking to meet people via the internet you have to realize everyone is a stranger until you know them and when that truly happens, one can never really tell. Look at the case involving Scott Peterson…He may not have had baggage in the past but he sure has got some now…

 
Old 02-29-2004, 06:59 AM   #11
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 25
help4u HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

do you know what i enjoy when i fall in love?
- I am talking about the part before having a date -
exchanging glances, thinking "do i like him? am i looking good? waiting for him to come near me..
and it s not only the appearance. it s more.. let s say real.
i can SEE the way he moves,the way he dress,i can SMELL him, TOUCH him, HEAR the way he talks...
Throught the internet you only see a screen and you don t move. you are alone in your room.


Of course some people have not any other choice, so in that case internet is fine.
i don t know english very well but i hope you understand

 
Old 02-29-2004, 08:48 PM   #12
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 167
msloquacious HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

My BF and I met on a dating site, and we've been together for over 8 months. He's attractive and sociable and not "damaged," and I am also a very outgoing and "undamaged" person. I think he and I both lucked out!

My best friend also met her husband thru a chat line. They've been married over 5 years now, and are in the midst of planning a family.

I think that in today's 21st century society, it's important to accept that the "conventional" ways of meeting people are no longer relevant for certain members of the population, and it's equally important to keep an open mind when considering all the other *alternatives* that modern technology has afforded us! I'm certainly glad there isn't only one "right" way to meet Mr. Right

 
Old 02-29-2004, 11:01 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Nevada
Posts: 183
butterfly2003 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

I have done the internet dating thing for about 5 months and all I have to say is it is too weird! I am about done doing it all together! I have met a handful of guys and it seems that they all have issues in some way or another. You may also argue that since I am doing it I must have isssues too, but I did it as a joke and then it escalated and it is really addictive. Anyways every single guy I have met has a problem, either they are not over past loves and they are doing the internet thing as a quick method of moving on, they are criminals, they are moving and just looking for a one night strand, they have children, they are extrenely self-conscious, and the list goes on. The most normal guy I have met is the one I am kind of seeing right now, but he just informed me that he is not over his ex! I give up! Honestly beware with the internet thing. Not only can it be dangerous, it is just frustrating!

 
Old 03-01-2004, 04:39 AM   #14
Inactive
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 103
TruthaboutLife HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

How can you trust someone you have not met? I will admit to have been a fool and done that myself in the past, but quite honestly I think it is WAY too much of a gamble. It's in no way like meeting someone in a bar etc, because you have eye to eye contact with that person and usually (not always) the eyes are a pretty good indication to the soul. With a computer you don't have that. You read words on a screen how you PERCEIVE or want them to be. It's in no way accurate. I honestly think it's your last resort to be on the dating scene.

 
Old 03-01-2004, 06:00 AM   #15
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 107
Cindy_S74 HB User
Re: Internet Relationships...good Or Bad?

How do you trust someone you just met in person? They can lie to you and tell you what you want to believe just like typing words on a computer and chatting with someone. You wouldn't meet someone in a bar or where ever and marry them the same night would you?! Well you wouldn't do it with someone you met online either. You chat online, then start talking on the phone, then meet in person. See how things go and go from there. Yes you have good one's and bad one's online just like you would in "real life". I met a few from online before I met husband and they were the bad one's. I lucked up when I met my husband. I had given up on dating because I thought all men were the same. My ex husband, the few I met online, and the few I dated in "real life" (not sure what to call it) were all the same (buttholes) and after one thing only. Until I met my husband. He showed me not all men are the same. We took things slow to make sure this is what we wanted and so far it has worked out (almost 4 years) and I don't see any problems in the future either. You have to be careful online and in "real life" when it comes to dating. It's so hard these days to trust anyone.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Is starting an internet relationship and then meeting, cheating? pablo49 Relationship Health 10 09-24-2008 08:11 AM
internet dating? eric24 Relationship Health 32 11-17-2007 08:39 AM
Internet Relationships Dee-nah Relationship Health 27 07-09-2007 10:23 PM
Personality types and relationships Veronica_Mars Relationship Health 47 07-11-2006 11:26 AM
Internet dating advice Morboro Relationship Health 30 12-30-2005 09:22 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1166), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:43 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!