i'll tell you what! i have had it! this is the deal. every day, i get up, shower, get dressed, get 2 year old up, get him dressed, his bag ready etc, take him to my parents, go to work, go to recovery meeting, pick up child, stop at grocery, get home, unload car, cook dinner, feed cats & dog, bathe child, read story (usually 2-3), put him to bed and finally get to sit down around 9:30-10 pm. every day, he gets up, makes coffee, gets dressed, goes to work (around the time i am crawling out of bed:early), gets off work at least 2 hours before i do, does god knows what until i get home where his is sitting on his a**! does he lift a finger to help bring in grocerys? no! he'll only bathe our child if i ask (usually 3-4 times) and he can obviously see i'm busy doing all my other "wife" work. so, this morning, i decided to call him on his cell before i hauled out of the house. basically told him that i would appreciate it if he would vacuum the kitchen, living room, and hall and clean the bathrooms(since he messed them up when he replaced the toilet a month ago). you would have thought that i asked him to climb mt everest in 10 minutes! his response was "oh, so now i'm your maid?!?" as an aside, he is a recovering addict who hasn't been emotionally available for over 2 years. I bought the new house, paid the bills when he spent his $ on pills, fed and clothed not only him but our child while forgoing the little things for myself (like haircuts, pantyhose for work, etc). not to mention, we have not had sex in 10 months. getting ready to start month 11. am i asking too damn much? or am i being a complete shrew? i feel that he can damn well clean since i've done everything else. please answer. we have tried marriage counseling. he quit after 2 or 3 sessions. i had to stop in december as i could no longer afford weekly visits.
i'll tell you what! i have had it! this is the deal. every day, i get up, shower, get dressed, get 2 year old up, get him dressed, his bag ready etc, take him to my parents, go to work, go to recovery meeting, pick up child, stop at grocery, get home, unload car, cook dinner, feed cats & dog, bathe child, read story (usually 2-3), put him to bed and finally get to sit down around 9:30-10 pm. every day, he gets up, makes coffee, gets dressed, goes to work (around the time i am crawling out of bed:early), gets off work at least 2 hours before i do, does god knows what until i get home where his is sitting on his a**! does he lift a finger to help bring in grocerys? no! he'll only bathe our child if i ask (usually 3-4 times) and he can obviously see i'm busy doing all my other "wife" work. so, this morning, i decided to call him on his cell before i hauled out of the house. basically told him that i would appreciate it if he would vacuum the kitchen, living room, and hall and clean the bathrooms(since he messed them up when he replaced the toilet a month ago). you would have thought that i asked him to climb mt everest in 10 minutes! his response was "oh, so now i'm your maid?!?" as an aside, he is a recovering addict who hasn't been emotionally available for over 2 years. I bought the new house, paid the bills when he spent his $ on pills, fed and clothed not only him but our child while forgoing the little things for myself (like haircuts, pantyhose for work, etc). not to mention, we have not had sex in 10 months. getting ready to start month 11. am i asking too damn much? or am i being a complete shrew? i feel that he can damn well clean since i've done everything else. please answer. we have tried marriage counseling. he quit after 2 or 3 sessions. i had to stop in december as i could no longer afford weekly visits.
wow!!!! sounds just like my old marriage. My husband was a selfish lazy SOB too! I also bought the house, went to work, brought up the kids with minimal input from him. People would say wow you live in a really nice house and then look to him to congratulate him on how well we were doing. He also failed to mention that on top of all that, I also did all of the redecorating, tile laying and also laid all the wooden floors in my house. I remember him sawing a few pieces of wood but then take all the credit for my hard work!!! Grrrr that used to really make me angry. We didn't have sex in the longest time simply because I wasn't happy with his technique in and out of the bedroom and in the end I point blank refused to sleep with him.
He would have exactly the same routine as your husband and I would run myself ragged trying to hold down employment, kids and looking after the house. He never cooked for me nor lifted a finger. He was utterly selfish in every way and if I dared to complain he'd say I was nagging.
I'll be honest with you in the end, the years of frustration, hardship in trying to change this man became all too much for me and I started getting really frustrated at around the age of 31 when the kids were a little bit older. It wasn't too much later that the marriage broke down. He was a pain in my *** and I only wish I had left him 10 years earlier. I'm sorry to say I think him changing is unlikely because he's not a child and he knows full well what's going on, but yet he refuses to change. The only person who can change is YOU. So you have two choices here, to continue discontented for the rest of your life and rule out all your other available options for happiness...or walk!
i'll tell you what! i have had it! this is the deal. every day, i get up, shower, get dressed, get 2 year old up, get him dressed, his bag ready etc, take him to my parents, go to work, go to recovery meeting, pick up child, stop at grocery, get home, unload car, cook dinner, feed cats & dog, bathe child, read story (usually 2-3), put him to bed and finally get to sit down around 9:30-10 pm. every day, he gets up, makes coffee, gets dressed, goes to work (around the time i am crawling out of bed:early), gets off work at least 2 hours before i do, does god knows what until i get home where his is sitting on his a**! does he lift a finger to help bring in grocerys? no! he'll only bathe our child if i ask (usually 3-4 times) and he can obviously see i'm busy doing all my other "wife" work. so, this morning, i decided to call him on his cell before i hauled out of the house. basically told him that i would appreciate it if he would vacuum the kitchen, living room, and hall and clean the bathrooms(since he messed them up when he replaced the toilet a month ago). you would have thought that i asked him to climb mt everest in 10 minutes! his response was "oh, so now i'm your maid?!?" as an aside, he is a recovering addict who hasn't been emotionally available for over 2 years. I bought the new house, paid the bills when he spent his $ on pills, fed and clothed not only him but our child while forgoing the little things for myself (like haircuts, pantyhose for work, etc). not to mention, we have not had sex in 10 months. getting ready to start month 11. am i asking too damn much? or am i being a complete shrew? i feel that he can damn well clean since i've done everything else. please answer. we have tried marriage counseling. he quit after 2 or 3 sessions. i had to stop in december as i could no longer afford weekly visits.
You have EVERY right to be mad!!! You re NOT asking too much! He sounds like a lazy, self-righteous individual that only contributes another mouth to feed, body to clothe, and mess to pick up!!! He quit marriage counseling?!?! That speaks volumes. He doesn't see anything wrong with how things are going. And why should he?? After all, you do all the work and he gets a free ride!! What an A$$hole!!
the saddest part is he's not an a-hole. or at least didn't used to be. 7 years ago, he was the best person in the world. we used to have so much fun-boat, fishing, sitting around being bums, etc....we got pregnant, had a miscarriage, got married (within a month and a half), got pg again, had a son 2 months early (he's the greatest little kid! one of the few unconditionally good things in my life), my drinking probs kicked in, and he started popping pills (i didn't know this for almost a year). a year ago, he does detox, i realize i am out of control and start aa (love it), but nothing much has changed. sometimes i think he's got to be cheating. he says nope, he's not. but after all the lies over the past 2 years, i have no idea what to believe anymore. i wish i had the money to hire a PI to find out. I can't afford to get divorced. his dad has tons of $ and i'm sure would fund him to get out of child support, etc. btw, his parents are divorced, mine have been married for almost 39 years. His mom is a complete moron! i mean, she's book smart but is the most helpless, fix it for me person i have ever seen. my fil's atty made sure she didn't get alimony or military pension that she was entitled to. i'm sure she did every thing for my husband when he was growing up. oh well, i'm getting madder and madder the longer i write. this week i think i'm gonna clean out the spare bedroom and make him move in there. anytime i try to discuss anything with him, it becomes a dissertation about how sorry he is he screwed up the last 2 years and how demanding and bitchy i am. i am always wrong. you'd think i was used to it by now. no matter how hard i try to be a good person, i get crapped on in the end.
the saddest part is he's not an a-hole. or at least didn't used to be. 7 years ago, he was the best person in the world. we used to have so much fun-boat, fishing, sitting around being bums, etc....we got pregnant, had a miscarriage, got married (within a month and a half), got pg again, had a son 2 months early (he's the greatest little kid! one of the few unconditionally good things in my life), my drinking probs kicked in, and he started popping pills (i didn't know this for almost a year). a year ago, he does detox, i realize i am out of control and start aa (love it), but nothing much has changed. sometimes i think he's got to be cheating. he says nope, he's not. but after all the lies over the past 2 years, i have no idea what to believe anymore. i wish i had the money to hire a PI to find out. I can't afford to get divorced. his dad has tons of $ and i'm sure would fund him to get out of child support, etc. btw, his parents are divorced, mine have been married for almost 39 years. His mom is a complete moron! i mean, she's book smart but is the most helpless, fix it for me person i have ever seen. my fil's atty made sure she didn't get alimony or military pension that she was entitled to. i'm sure she did every thing for my husband when he was growing up. oh well, i'm getting madder and madder the longer i write. this week i think i'm gonna clean out the spare bedroom and make him move in there. anytime i try to discuss anything with him, it becomes a dissertation about how sorry he is he screwed up the last 2 years and how demanding and bitchy i am. i am always wrong. you'd think i was used to it by now. no matter how hard i try to be a good person, i get crapped on in the end.
If your drinking picked up and he started popping pills just in the last few years it sounds like he may be going through some kind of phycological change. It is hard to tell what this maybe...I would offer to see if he may want to talk to a counselor so you can see if he has any problems. Does he talk to you openly?
Apersonal counselor or marriage counselor could big a good fix to this situation.
Last edited by eightball61; 03-10-2004 at 01:43 PM.
Linear Mode
