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Old 04-15-2004, 01:51 PM   #1
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promisez HB User
Just a thought about my Mom

If I was scared, lonely, afraid or hurt I ran to my mother. My Father taught me how to fix a car and plumbing, my mother taught me how to fix everything else in life, emotional as well as physical. The values I learned, my interaction with and my duties to society I learned from her. My dad suggested I join the Marines during the Vietnam war but it was my mom who made the trip down south and stood watching me graduate from Parris Island those many years ago. My Dad asked if I had strength, my Mother asked if I needed anything. My mother stayed active into her 70's, always making sure the seniors in her building got to the meals and if they couldn't, she made sure they were fed. She didn't have to know you to respect you, it was just a given. She did for others, taking a lady to the meal center one morning and falling to the ground as three aneurysms blew in her head at the same time. We had to make the decision to pull the plug, the Dr said there was no hope and he couldn't understand why she didn't die immediatly. I like to believe in my heart she was making sure that last person got to be fed before she left to be free and fly. Mothers hold us, nurture us, correct us and love us. I love my mother of course, but I have to love all mothers. They are so precious. They sacrifice so much of themselves for others. They form society as a whole, the beliefs and wisdoms that are passed down to their daughters (future mothers) and sons. Mothers are the ones that help to set the values that form future relationships. Mothers Day is coming up, that one day where we typically send flowers, a card and maybe say "I love you". She's your mother, she went through hours of excrutiating pain to make sure you got here. Maybe, just maybe we don't need to wait for that one day to express our love and respect. Maybe we could just tell her we love her tomorrow? In case you forgot, here's a few of the things she said.
  • Always change your underwear; you never know when you'll have an accident.
  • Close that door! Were you born in a barn?
  • Be careful or you'll put your eye out.
  • Don't put that in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
  • You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes!
  • What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
  • Don't make that face or it'll freeze in that position.

Hi Mom, I love you so very much...and thank you

 
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Old 04-15-2004, 02:18 PM   #2
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Angel77 HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Is it just me or is the a Hallmark moment??? I would love to have my son say that about me some day! What a wonderful mother you had and what a son she raised. I wished for this all my life, it wasn't to be, so it's my turn to make it that way for my children.

My Grandpa was the same way. He was an oncologist who also had cancer. He made house calls because he knew how very awful they felt after treatments and was a wonderful man! He too died after taking care of his last person. I didn't know her but I met her daughter about 7 years after my Grandpa passed away. I was doing door to door sales of all things...gotta start somewhere. This lady answered the door with tears in her eyes and I couldn't help but ask what was wrong. She found out she had a brain tumor that day and was waiting at her dad's house...him and his new wife were on vacation and she had no one to tell or to talk to.

So, we spent the next few hours talking and she cried. Somehow we got talking about how her mother also had a form of cancer and I mentioned my grandpa was an oncologist before passing away from it. She asked his name and I told her...she started bawling again. She told me that even though he had quit his practice a little over a month before he died, he still kept coming to take care of her until she passed away. She passed away two weeks before he did and the day before he became bed-ridden. She was his last duty on Earth before going home. He slipped away two weeks later....and not once did he lose his sense of humor. A truly great man. I wish I had more time with him...especially now that I have kids of my own.

Thankyou for sharing your story...definately a tear jerker and heart warmer.
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Old 04-15-2004, 02:55 PM   #3
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

OK promisez, as tears are rolling down my face. What a beautiful life your mother not only taught you but showed you. What a beautiful person you are because of that.

I like Angel77 want to be like your mother for my son too!
I did not have a mother like yours and I prayed hard that she could become what Your Mother was..But for me as well as Angel77 it was not to be.
I have come to peace with myself over my mother. But there are days when thoughts come to my mind but they are never happy thoughts..

I work hard to be the best mother and like the mother you had to my son so one day he will write such a beautiful post as yours.

You have been blessed with all the true elements in life thru a powerful woman.

 
Old 04-15-2004, 03:16 PM   #4
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

You're both doing exactly what my mother did. And its really not about the giving, its about the getting. Happy Mothers Day to you both and I love you for the way you are giving the values to the children. After all, I'm only 51 so they'll be making decisions for me when I get old in about 30 more years. Your children are also blessed.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 05:25 AM   #5
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Thank you, promisez. My mom passed away last fall after a VERY long fight with THE BIG C. As I left that last day she was awake she gave her usual "Drive carefully, luv ya!" I hear it every time I pick up a set of car keys. Her birthday just passed a few days ago and now Mothers Day is coming. Not easy. We all miss her something awful.

I have to stop now because I can't see the keyboard anymore.
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Old 04-16-2004, 06:23 AM   #6
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

I have never appreciated my mother as much as I have in the last week.

My Mum passed away 12 years ago from cancer. I was not told she was ill until 2 days before she died and always felt cheated and angry because of this. I was 19 years old at the time, totally self obsessed and I have always felt that I made her final years a complete misery. I thought that I should have been told, had a right to know and I could have changed the way I acted ... last Saturday my sisterinlaw's father passed away which brought up all those raw emotions and I spoke to my sister about it (she is 12 years older than me). She explained that prior to her passing, my mother had a radical vulvectomy which basically removes everything 'down there' which is on the outside .. vulva/clitoris .. traumatic to say the least, I cannot imagine what she went though.

Only today after a week of conflicting emotions, I have realised that my mother did not want me to be tip-toeing around her, she just wanted to enjoy watching me be myself for as long as she had left and protected me, her baby, as only a mother could. She was not the most loving parent physically due to her own loveless upbringing but now, all this time later, I have seen how SO MUCH she did love me. I am now a mother myself to two beautiful boys and totally respect the decision she made.

I did get to talk to her before she passed away and you know - in my most precious memory I can remember sitting by her bed in hospital and she was in and out of consciousness not making any real contact with anyone and I was crying and whispering to her 'I love you, I love you' and suddenly she looked at me, held my hand and said 'We love you too babe' then slipped back into unconciousness. I think now she sensed how much I needed her and she wanted to comfort me one last time - she loved me.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 06:32 AM   #7
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Wow, ALL of you!! How beautiful! Promisez, I left work yesterday with puffy eyes from your post and come in to find several more that are just moving me to tears.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 08:20 AM   #8
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promisez HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Happy tears, we get so few and they are a blessing. Out of all these wonderful memories we have so far not a one shows a parent trying to jeopardize a childs emotions. They hid illnesses, let us make our own decisions on how to act emotionally and not once complained. I believe they know when its time, maybe even told its time to go and they are given those last few moments of clarity to say their goodbyes to friends and family as Ally can attest to. They give us those little things we can hang onto forever and remember, like the car keys for SuperTrooper. Some of us even try to emulate their selective wonderful behaviours, finding the positve points and knowing which points not to pass along. Not all parents are great it seems but we not only learn what to do, we also learn what NOT to do for the kids. Those parents kids will be truly blessed with huge Easter Egg baskets
Dads always say "One can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink".

Moms say "Maybe not, but we can sure as heck make him thirsty".

Thank you for all your responses, you have truly made my day teary eyed yet soooo beautiful.

Last edited by promisez; 04-16-2004 at 08:23 AM. Reason: spelled jeopardize wrong..and its probably still wrong :)

 
Old 04-16-2004, 10:04 AM   #9
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

and don't forget all us mum's out their that lost our only child...makes me sad sometimes cause not many people send me cards...just cause my child is in heaven doesn't mean im not a mum anymore....

promisez, this post was just awesome...i'm very close to my mother...in fact, she thinks i have died if i don't call her twice a week

 
Old 04-16-2004, 10:28 AM   #10
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promisez HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
and don't forget all us mum's out their that lost our only child...makes me sad sometimes cause not many people send me cards...just cause my child is in heaven doesn't mean im not a mum anymore.
I know the feeling, I lost my son too. People tend to shy away from us when we lose someone as precious as a baby. I'm sure they wonder what they can possibly say to console us yet have a total fear of saying the wrong thing. In a way they are grieving also, they see how much pain and anger we have yet they feel helpless, watching a friend hurt so much. Very few know all we wanted was someone just to be there, maybe go to the store for us and no, they didn't have to say a word. A hand being held can be so much more. I'm sure our kids are looking down at their mothers saying "Hapy Mothers day Mom, I love you and miss you and we will be together one day. But until then, thank you for loving me for the time we had together, I couldn't have been blessed with a better mommy". Happy Mothers day Rach.

Dave

 
Old 04-16-2004, 10:34 AM   #11
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

this board makes me cry so much.......thanks so much for that post...i lost a lot of friends after this happened...my dad told me to let them go...if they were real friends, they'll come around again some day...and some have...

we cannot forget fathers either...my mom didn't deal with all this well...it was my dad who took me to the support groups and joined the sids board...it was my dad that holds me tight when i need him (before i moved of course) and it's my dad who makes sure to call me at her angel and birth days...dads out there are important too...

Last edited by excaliburgrl; 04-16-2004 at 10:35 AM.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 12:49 PM   #12
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promisez HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Yup, we dads are ok too but its Mothers day thats coming up, I just felt we should think about it more then one day a year. This has turned into a most beautiful thread, lots of wet eyes, happy tears and beautiful memories.
ps:excaliburgrl, call your mom

 
Old 04-16-2004, 01:06 PM   #13
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by promisez
Yup, we dads are ok too but its Mothers day thats coming up, I just felt we should think about it more then one day a year. This has turned into a most beautiful thread, lots of wet eyes, happy tears and beautiful memories.
ps:excaliburgrl, call your mom
Thanks Promisez
and to excaliburgrl...Have Very Speical Mother's Day to you...

Excaliburgrl, please don't let the Ignorance of people let you down. I'm not trying to diss your friends, but some people just don't know how to deal with death and a death of a child is such an unbearing loss that they too don't know how to express themselves. It is up to us who experience such a great loss to make them feel at ease that it is OK to talk of Death to bring back the life that once was.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 02:17 PM   #14
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Re: Just a thought about my Mom

This post particularly touched me because my own mother died exactly the same way as yours five years ago. She was only 53 and at the time the hospital told us they had only seen such brain trauma in people who had literally gone head first through a wind screen in a car accident. We were told 12-24 hours, she lasted five whole days bless her. I like to think it was because she knew that my sister and I would be so traumatized by the suddenness of it all that she hung on as long as possible so that we would have time to get used to the situation and learn to let go.

We had no idea nor indication that this was going to happen but the night before it did happen I was at my mother's house as I popped in to say hi every evening before I went home to be wife and mum again. One of the last sentences we said to each other were.... Her: I just wanted you to know that despite the fact you may think I don't notice, I do, and I couldn't have wished for a more kinder, loyal and loving daughter as you. I know that if I had even the smallest problem, all I would have to do is pick up the phone and you'd immediately be there.
I replied: you're bloody right I would and you know why? Because if you weren't my mother I would have chosen you as my best friend anyway because even though you know I love you, I want you to know that I actually like you too.

I may not have had a chance to say goodbye to my mum as such, but I've thanked my lucky stars a million times since that we had the chance to say that at least to each other.

That's why I always say to my own kids....I'll never be your friend. I am YOUR MOTHER....you will have a thousand forgettable friends in your lifetime, you will only ever have ONE MOTHER. And no matter, where in the world we may be, you'll never forget my love for you.

 
Old 04-16-2004, 02:25 PM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Just a thought about my Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadSkillzGal
This post particularly touched me because my own mother died exactly the same way as yours five years ago. She was only 53 and at the time the hospital told us they had only seen such brain trauma in people who had literally gone head first through a wind screen in a car accident. We were told 12-24 hours, she lasted five whole days bless her. I like to think it was because she knew that my sister and I would be so traumatized by the suddenness of it all that she hung on as long as possible so that we would have time to get used to the situation and learn to let go.

We had no idea nor indication that this was going to happen but the night before it did happen I was at my mother's house as I popped in to say hi every evening before I went home to be wife and mum again. One of the last sentences we said to each other were.... Her: I just wanted you to know that despite the fact you may think I don't notice, I do, and I couldn't have wished for a more kinder, loyal and loving daughter as you. I know that if I had even the smallest problem, all I would have to do is pick up the phone and you'd immediately be there.
I replied: you're bloody right I would and you know why? Because if you weren't my mother I would have chosen you as my best friend anyway because even though you know I love you, I want you to know that I actually like you too.

I may not have had a chance to say goodbye to my mum as such, but I've thanked my lucky stars a million times since that we had the chance to say that at least to each other.

That's why I always say to my own kids....I'll never be your friend. I am YOUR MOTHER....you will have a thousand forgettable friends in your lifetime, you will only ever have ONE MOTHER. And no matter, where in the world we may be, you'll never forget my love for you.

Damn Girl...Tissue Please.................................. ........

 
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