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Old 04-19-2004, 07:08 AM   #1
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stupid question?

What do you guys think, it's stupid compared to other more important and life altering problems that others are facing in this board seeking advice. My fiancee has begun to get annoyed at me for little things, I was reading a thread about this here and we constantly argue about moronic things and it's just not the same as before when everything seemed perfect. We was watching TV last night and she has this little infatuation with a couple of artists and when she sees them in a video or commercial she gets all happy and all you know how you girls feel when you see someone that you are attracted to and l am questioning her how am I suppose to feel about myself, about our relationship when she looks at other men in awe, am I suppose to discount it as an innocent little crush or does that speak volumes about our relationship and to the stage that it is now? I would never put another girl at the same level that I see her, she is the perfect women in every single way for me, she's all the way up there and no other women that I have seen after her has been gotten off the ground, and yet I feel that she is putting meat the same level as them and I don't like that, I feel she shouldn't look at another men the same way that she looks at me, if she looks at me anymore. She tells me after seeing one of the guys on TV, " I like him, I really like him but he is young so he probably would not act right(childish)" Am I not suppose to feel betrayed, like she would want to be with this guy and how am I suppose to act? Am I not suppose to feel insecure about myself? When someone looks at other people outside your relationship and just marvels at them isn't that a sign that maybe the other person feels like they can get someone else or just not satisfy with who they are with? She is a very attractive 29 year old women and I know she gets hit a lot on and I know she would never cheat on me but I feel she is cheating on me already by admiring these artists and I feel it's more of a reflection of how our relationship is going? Longer posts that I originally intended to, thank you guys for listening to what I have to say!
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:17 AM   #2
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Re: stupid question?

Seriously I'm assuming that if she's 29 then you are around that age too and if you are, WHY ON EARTH would something this silly bother you?

I really wouldn't get wound up about it. It speaks NOTHING let alone volumes lol

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:31 AM   #3
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Re: stupid question?

That's what I am talking about, it's stupid but it bothers me somehow! I guess our relationship hasn't been as great lately and I am really in love with this person and she is very important to me and I don't want to lose her yet I argue and we fight and I leave and then I feel stupid and I don't mean to fight but I am a very impatient person and I get ticked off and angry and I storm out right away without seeking a resolution cause I am a very proud person and I feel that she should view me as a god or a gift to her when I am just a regular person, you get me?
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:36 AM   #4
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Re: stupid question?

Listen she's doing what everyone who 'knows' they are adored do....keeping you on your toes. She's giving herself an ego boost by keep on pushing your 'jealousy' buttons but she's doing it in a harmless way because there's no danger of her leaving you for these people on the TV.

Just be honest and tell her it makes you feel a bit uneasy and that you feel she doesn't treat you the way you feel you deserve.

As for treating someone as god's gift....seriously, come on, where did you grow up....Walnut Grove?

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:38 AM   #5
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Re: stupid question?

Quote:
Originally Posted by junalo
I feel she shouldn't look at another men the same way that she looks at me, if she looks at me anymore.
Tons of insecurity here it seems. You are trying to tell her how she should feel (You woould be better off trying to herd cats) and yet you don't even know how she feels about you. She DOES seem to know how she feels about these people she will never have in her life though and maybe that upsets you, that she tells them how she feels about them even just by talking to a TV? Just something for you to consider as you get to the trusting and open communication part of the relationship.

Last edited by promisez; 04-19-2004 at 07:39 AM. Reason: I really gotta spell feel with 2 e's :)

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:46 AM   #6
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Re: stupid question?

In a way its not that stupid.

This is somthing that is bothering you and you should let her know on it. To me I don't think that its such a big deal to admire a star but if it effects you then she should know.

I used to react the same way if I saw someone I like on TV but I have been told by my GF that it bothers her so I have stop since then. Its just a thing called respect and if she respected your thoughts then she may stop.

Like I said I don't see this as a big deal because I wouldn't get bothered if my GF did this but I stopped because she didn't like it.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:49 AM   #7
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Re: stupid question?

You want her to worship you as though you are a God, but you are not a God. You have flaws. She has flaws. Part of what makes a committed relationship great is being able to show your weaknesses to your partner, and know that they won't use those weaknesses against you. Having an attraction for another, especially an unattainable artist or celebrity, is healthy. Now, if she were having these thoughts toward people she actually knows, that's more of a problem. But you even stated that she won't cheat on you physically.

I see two problems here. You and your fiancee' haven't defined what cheating is within your relationship. You clearly feel that noticing others are attractive isn't appropriate, and she does. THe other is that you stated "she should view me as a god or a gift to her." You are not a God and should not be worshiped. No person should. Maybe that's harsh, but that's how I see it.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:50 AM   #8
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Re: stupid question?

Ok it may not be stupid but it bloody well is immature. How can you begin to conduct a relationship in adult terms if someone is spewing up over comments made about someone on TV? I mean seriously there are so many hard things about life, why just make mountains out of molehills.

Listen just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you can't or dont feel attraction for another person. It's whether you ACT upon it is the key.

My motto when in a relationship is: I may be taken but I'm not blind.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 07:51 AM   #9
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Re: stupid question?

I know she loves me, loved me and in love with me, I guess she is really knowing who I am now, we are perfect for each other, I know it and she knows it, I am 28, been there, done it with other girls and I feel at ease with my history with women, I think we can have a perfect relationship if we want to fight for it and be patient with one another, I guess I feel insecure in the sense that she is getting to know who I really am and I feel that she would have some reservations about that, she has kids of her own, she has her past and I have a kid of my own I have my past, I don't like it when she finds another man atttractive and its stupid cause I even think of other women when we have sex and I find other women very attractive but when I think about her, they don't even compare to her, it's not even close and I don't feel that she thinks about me that way! in other words I have to be insecure about the way that I look cause I wouldn't make such a big deal out of such a sophomoric thing!
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:55 AM   #10
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Re: stupid question?

The problem is this. You are swept away emotionally by this woman and merely by her eyeing up someone on the TV, this has brought home to you that you are not the only man in this world she finds attractive. You wanted the impossible, for her to say "In my eyes there is no one as beautiful or as magical as you, and there never will be". Ok now time to join the real world. There are billions of people on this earth so stands to reason there are going to be millions of people potentially a 'match' for either you or her.

Come on you're a grown man, seriously grow up ya know. A lot of men are married and have kids at your age, could you see someone in those circumstances acting like a lil kid in the playground over this? NO! Because they have REAL worries and responsibilities and don't have time for these childish games or thoughts.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 08:10 AM   #11
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Re: stupid question?

Just wanted to throw in my .02!!!

Have you been as attentive as usual? Offing compliments and doing those "little" things that make her feel special. Don't just automatically say yes....think about how you are towards her now versus when you two first started dating. Have you "slacked off" a bit in that department since getting engaged?

If so...she may just be trying to "remind" you by pushing your jealousy button. You know...the whole "pay attention to me or someone else might" play. She may need some reassurance from you.

If you haven't slacked off, I would just say that she feels comfortable enough with you and your relationship to say that in front of you.

Either way, it's not really about the guys on the TV. Come on, it's not like you have to worry that she's out having lunch with Justin Timberlake!! But DO pay attention to little nuances!! It is usually the first sign that she may need something from you....and she might not even know what it is! Just pay a bit more attention to her--do something to make her feel special. Doesn't have to be big. Leave her a card on her dashboard to find when she leaves for work in the morning.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 08:14 AM   #12
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Re: stupid question?

First of all, if its so perfect why are you even here, on a message board on a computer no less instead of discussing it with her. Secondly, if one has to fight for a relationship, it's not only far from perfect it just shouldn't be happening. People HAVE relationships, not work for them. Thirdly, as long as you feel its alright for you to fantasize, she has that right also. Trying to control her emotional attitudes with your own insecurities will destroy this relationship. "I know it and she knows it"

Last edited by promisez; 04-19-2004 at 08:17 AM.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 08:15 AM   #13
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Re: stupid question?

I do agree with the above totally. But as a grown woman, even despite the fact I sometimes like to play little games to push buttons (as all of us women do)....I HATE when a man reacts to it. It reminds me of a PMSing woman. I like a man to stand in front of me and tell me direct "I AINT NO BOY SO DONT ACT LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. IF YOU WANT AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP I'LL GIVE YOU THE BEST ONE OF YOUR LIFE...BUT IF YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE A CHILD, I SUGGEST YOU GO ELSEWHERE". I find strong men such a turn on. I hate those who bleat. Baaaa baaaa baaaa

Last edited by MadSkillzGal; 04-19-2004 at 08:15 AM.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 08:40 AM   #14
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Re: stupid question?

In my opinion you have a silly insecurity and need to just let it go otherwise your it will drive you nuts and drive your girlfriend away in the process.

Yesterday afternoon I made mention to my dh that the new remake of Spartacus was coming on last night and how hot I thought those guys were (especially the dude playing Spartacus himself) in those costumes were and dh, knowing how early I go to bed, knew that I wouldn't be able to see the whole thing so he took it upon himslef to record it for me. He even said, jokingly, that I could put this actor on my list of people that I was allowed to have sex with if given the opportuntiy. (Referring to that Friend's episode.) I laughed and it was all in fun.

Please do not take the fact that your gf looks at some eye candy on tv to mean anything about your relationship. I hate to say that anyone's feelings aren't valid but in my opinion this is something that you need to change your views on for your own sake.

 
Old 04-19-2004, 08:46 AM   #15
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Re: stupid question?

Well I'm only glad that guy isn't dating me because if he only heard how colourful my language and conversation is with my girlies...oh my goodness he'd have a heart attack. I think you need to wisen up dearie because get a group of women a little worse the wear for beer to hold a conversation and you'll hear "Justin Timberlake? Didn't make em like that in our day did they?" "Would you swap your old man for him?" "Bloody right I would, infact I'd be walking like a duck for the rest of the week. He however wouldn't be walking at all coz he'd still be tied to my bed!".....

 
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