My friend of 3 yrs has all of a sudden decided not to ever call me again. It hurts me so badly because he is someone i love deeply and have loved for many yrs. We've talked about being together but it just didnt work out.
Its so hard to get over him cause we have to see one another due to the fact that our siblings r married to one each other.
We we're so close, spoke all the time.
Thought we had an understanding about our relationship.
Now when we see each other the tention is unbarable and he cant even get the courage to talk to me...all he does is stare at me from far.
He wont take my calls, call me back or just call to see how i am and NOTHING happened!!
I cant get over him and the pain is killing me and taking over my life.
What happened? I thought he liked me too, our friendship meant more to me than anything ive ever had.
Whats your advise? Pls tell me im desperate and at the end of my tether.
Ok apart from the sibling comment. I can identify with you exactly on this one. I think most women can identify also.
I know JUST how you feel. Had the same damn thing exactly.
Isn't it just the most heart wrenching thing to give someone your absolute all and best for a significant amount of time to watch them just take a backward glance at your efforts in vain with either a sneer, or no feeling whatsoever.
I've always said theres nothing harder than loving someone that don't love you. Apart from death, I really think there's nothing comparable to it.
Realistically what can you do? I mean you've given it your best shot, he's under no disillusion of how you truly feel and it's throwing no weight here. I remember asking someone advice once when I was in your shoes. Obviously when you ask advice, what you really mean is "please tell me the opposite of what I already know" because you are already aware of the situation in its entirety and you're just clutching at straws. So you analyze every damn last detail of your conversations, your time together, your time in bed etc....every freaking last drop of them you scruntinize hoping to find the root cause of WHY you aren't a couple TODAY. I asked my friend, "why are we continuing like this so long...he gives a bit, I give a bit and then nothing....we're not friends with benefits, but we're not a couple...why aren't I getting my shot?". He told me "that WAS your shot". I had to think about that one, because on first appearance, it was quite cryptic and open-ended.
I thought about it and realized he meant, we'd spent significant amounts of time together, we'd had vacations etc, slept together, so if we weren't a couple now we never would be. And he was absolutely right.
So essentially my advice is this. Grief openly, don't worry what other people think of you. I sobbed everywhere for a good two months...at work, shopping, eating, in bed....literally everywhere I was a wreck, sadly at that stage I found it uncontrollable. But in time I worked it through although back then it seemed i never would.
And today? I'm 95% there. There's always that little scarring or wound which remains open when you've been hurt so deeply and of course it's natural to put the barriers up so it doesn't happen again.
But stop torturing yourself, there's nothing wrong with you per se, it's just you are not this man's type. Big deal. There are hundreds of men that potentially COULD love you so take advantage of that. I know you don't love them, you love him...but cut the contact, nothing, nada, zilch and allow yourself that time and space to get over him and move on constructively with the rest of your life.
What does your siblings being married have to do with the two of you?
First, that can be avoided or least till things cool down.
You didn't have a romantic relationship, a friendship relationship for 3yrs as you posted. You did say you loved him but you both decided not to get involved with each other.
Perhaps, he has moved on with his life and decided to shut you out because of your feelings towards him? He has a girlfriend and didn't want to tell you because of your feelings towards him? There's a chance he doesn't want to hurt you so he is distancing himself from you and you may have to do the same. Sorry if this hurts..but you need to see this.
Let time pass and see if things warm up again but I'm not stating this as He will Love you and saying this that your friendship will again happen but at a distance friendship. Just because Your siblings are married does not mean you have to be with the family. Get your own life going with other interests and enjoy life.
You're missing the point Girl Harley...she knows there was no 'romantic' relationship as such but she was waiting around hoping one day he would fall in love with her and obviously as guys do, they kinda string it out to their benefit and now she finds after all those months, years of emotional investment, she's left with nothing. I'm sure she knows the real deal, but I think she hoped he would come around in the end if faced with losing her. He didn't and not only is she shocked and hurt but her pride is bruised because she is now CERTAIN that he meant more to her than she did to him.
Last edited by MadSkillzGal; 04-20-2004 at 06:03 AM.
You're missing the point Girl Harley...she knows there was no 'romantic' relationship as such but she was waiting around hoping one day he would fall in love with her and obviously as guys do, they kinda string it out to their benefit and now she finds after all those months, years of emotional investment, she's left with nothing. I'm sure she knows the real deal, but I think she hoped he would come around in the end if faced with losing her. He didn't and not only is she shocked and hurt but her pride is bruised because she is now CERTAIN that he meant more to her than she did to him.
Susie, I don't know if you are aware this is the 4th or 5th post from ellekay all along the same line in the past months. It comes down to he doesn't want to give her ANY encouragement about a relationship, so the only thing he can do is ignore her. She just WON'T GIVE UP. She needs a therapist if she's going to be in family situations with him without losing it every time she sees him.
__________________
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." Dale Carnegie
1) Keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you are getting.
2) Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
Its all about accepting others for who they are, not what we want or expect them to be. If one can't do that they need to remove themselves from the others life. Simple.
Happy Birthday sweet lady (huggz MadSkillzGal). May you be blessed with all you want in life today and a bit more (minus the monkey sex, I want you around those extra 5 years)
Maybe I may have not read this thread properly but I am not understand why he doesn't want to talk to you anymore....
Because she loves him and he views are as a "friend" due to their famlies connection...Their siblings are married somehow...
The poor girl on this thread and another thread she started awhile back was asking the board what should she do...
You see, she scared him off because He did not feel anything for the girl but in the girls eyes she can't see beyond LOVE that she has for him. The guy now is doing what anyone would do...Ignore her intentions...including friendship because...In her mind...Start out as friends due to family connections and run in for the Love Connection but The guy wants nothing to do with this...SO...what is a guy to do...what would a girl do....
You ignore this person who is now stalking you...
at least this is HOW I am reading all this............
Because it's over that's why, whatever it is. After all you rarely see men weep and wail for years the way women do....
That be a good post for Men Vs. Women...lol
ITs not about weeping. You said in another thread women are smarter which I argue that and I am saying that men don't hold on emotions like a women does. I mean whats the point of dreading on something that happened many years ago?
I don't know why a women hold stuff in longer than a man but that is something that I have always wanted to know. Some men are emotional but not like women.
See the problem is guys don't show it because they consider a sign of weakness. I don't care I will cry if I need to. Crying helps me let it all out rather than build but hate and anger....In that case I don't see it a weakness. Its more os a sign of self-healing.
Thank you all for your replies,
I know that we can all somehow identify with this.
Its hard because im confused. He used to say things to me that no one would say with the intention of being with that person.
He even told me that i was the "one" and all he needed was time to figure himself out. I gave him all the time and SPACE he needed, but then he just shut me out and it hurts 100 times more because i have to see him every time i want to visit my sister, or on occasions etc.
I can tell he's finding hard being around me also.
I dunno, some may understand and some may not, but we havent spoken in a while cause i refuse to call or see him anymore.
I just cant stop thinking about him and what we had.
I feel abandend by someone i trusted with my life.
Maybe he just needs space from me.
I hear that he's going through a really really rough phase right now.
He even told me that i was the "one" and all he needed was time to figure himself out. I gave him all the time and SPACE he needed, but then he just shut me out and it hurts 100 times more because i have to see him every time i want to visit my sister, or on occasions etc.
It does hurt but somtimes in a long term relationship one person needs to take that break if things are rocky. Its not because hhe doesn't want to be with you. He is giving things time to heal and himself to heal before he goes into a long-term marriage that may last forever.
These breaks bring a self doscovery on why you were both meant for each other. Now, you are seeing that he is the one for you because your hurt and see him all over. These things take time and allow them to take time
