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Old 04-22-2004, 10:36 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 13
haffeys HB User
Stupidity???

I am sure alot of you have read the postings my wife and I have been putting up and by now your all very sick of us. I dont blame you, I dont know why she is doing what she is doing and I am even more confused why I am sticking around and letting her hurt me like this.

Sometimes I feel like I should just grab my daughter and walk away....say to hell with this and try to start a new. Then there are times that I feel so committed to this family and my wife that I have to stay and work things out. I have everyone from my mother to my sister to my friends telling me to get a divorce and just end this crap now. Then there is my wife who says to just relax and see what happens. She wants to talk to this man, she thinks she loves this man, she might move to california to be with this man and by the way she wants to get pregnet (with me ONLY). Honestly I cant think of anyone that actually thinks we should work this out (excluding a few of you ppl).

Maybe Im being stupid staying and letting this happen, maybe its true love...
There are so many sayings and none of them fit this situation.
If you love something let it go, if the love is true it will come back.
Fight for what you love and never let it go.
Love is when you would do anything including dying for someone else.
just to say a few.......

I swear I am losing my mind......I cant push my wife (tell her to stop talkin to him) or she will just walk away but I cant keep doing this crap or im going to walk away. If I stay I might get to keep my family which I love more than anything in this world but she might decided to move anyways then there was no real point to staying.

I am the type of person that looks at everything very logically (no its not because im male but because im very mathamatical).

My family actually give me credit for one thing, most men (the @$$ out there) would have say hit the road girl...and to H3ll with this family. I am trying to stick it out for the sake of the family. This family is great, we all help one another, we all take care of one another, we all love each other....I am cant just let go of something like this.....its rare.

No real need to respond, I just needed to vent and talk.....but if you feel the need to voice your option I will be listening and will respond back.

 
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Old 04-22-2004, 10:46 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 40
ilovemytish HB User
Re: Stupidity???

i would tell her to choose,,no deman her to choose,,there is no reason to be treated like that,,i want through a similar situation (no kids) and my best friends going through the same thing(he has kids),,if she stays ,,get help and rebuild,,if she goes,well then it was for the better then..Id say save yourself the heartach and demand a choice,,either way you will feel better and get closure,,when my\ine left,i felt as thought i could live again,,and its took time ,,but life is back to normal and i have moved on.. but i would deffently tell her to choose now,,go on and get it over with,,because its going to happen,,might as well be on your terms

 
Old 04-23-2004, 03:51 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 551
Salinas1 HB User
Re: Stupidity???

You are the physically abused women that post here; all so much in love with their husbands and asking how they can work it out. Almost universally, in the end, the women end up writing that they know it's not love but that they are petrified of the thought of being alone again and this feeling gets rationalized into love. I would advise you to consider these similarities.

One other thing you said that supports your fear and trembling over being alone is that you said your family is special and that, "I cant just let go of something like this.....its rare."

Not it's not! Itís not rare. This is the norm in a family, not a rarity. But if you allow yourself to see it as some rarity that can't happen elsewhere, it supports your rationalization that you have to stay with her. You may indeed love her very much, but you appear as much afraid as you are in love. You are the women that says, "I know he beats me, but I love him so much, and he promises he will stop"

I am sure this board is a catharsis for you. Maybe that is all it needs to be for someone in your shoes.

Last edited by Salinas1; 04-23-2004 at 03:53 AM.

 
Old 04-23-2004, 03:56 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,595
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Stupidity???

Ok...So everyone...from your own family to this message board are telling you..you need help or let it go with your wife.

You keep coming here waiting for someone to agree with your thoughts or your situation....What do you really want? Why all the drama? It's been like a tennis match with the two of you...Who can aim & serve the hardest hits.
Your wife is sooo good at punishing you..he he he..Your so falling for it, but you have put the blinders on and only are seeing what you want to see, then we offer advise and you continue letting us in to what the next move with your game with your wife....

Babe, stay with your wife...wait for her....let her screw that fella of hers, give her the child she wants, cater to her needs, you don't have any needs or wants...OK, your kids...yeah, they will be OK...The town gossip will keep them inform and ashamed...But, hey...you love this woman and are willing to make it work...So stay and wait for her...It's not like your doing anything anyway....

GOOD LUCK!

 
Old 04-23-2004, 06:45 AM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 838
newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Stupidity???

Look.....you have two choices...stay or go. She has two choices....stay or go. SHE's not making any decisions....so maybe YOU should. Might wake her up! You say you can't make her stop talking to this man, but can you just stand by and not demand more for yourself and your child(ren)??? Stand up for yourself...gain some respect from her and from yourself. Walk away. She doesn't need to know that you'd take her back. MAke her work for it. Maybe she'll end up appreciating you more.

 
Old 04-23-2004, 07:05 AM   #6
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 735
promisez HB User
Re: Stupidity???

Three frogs on a log syndrome.

Three frogs on a log, one decides to jump in, how many are left.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
THREE
It only decided to jump in, NO ACTION was ever taken.
Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
In other words, keep making the decision to not make a decision.

 
Old 04-23-2004, 08:24 AM   #7
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,648
eightball61 HB User
Re: Stupidity???

Quote:
Originally Posted by haffeys
Sometimes I feel like I should just grab my daughter and walk away....say to hell with this and try to start a new.

You are emotionally abused and you don't need to keep having these feelings. I wouldn't give your wife the decision on what she want because she could just drag you on a longer road of hurt.

This is your life and you need to make the desicion on whats right for you and your daughter. If you feel that she shouldn't be in this home life and deserves better than go for it. If you see that there may be light at the end of the tunnel and thing will end then stay with your wife to patch it up.

 
Old 04-26-2004, 03:46 AM   #8
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rocking IN. USA
Posts: 1,056
Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Stupidity???

I must have missed your previous posts so I'm giving you a fresh opinion, if not different.
You really know how to set the tone to the expected response right from your own first paragraph.

What makes this a very tough situation is there is a child involved. I admire you trying to work this out but if this is how she treats you and she feels she can get away with it, it will only continue with other issues in this relationship later on. It is not likely to stop. When she makes the statement "Relax and see what happens" What she is really saying is "Shut up, until I decide what to do".
You really need to take the initiative here. If she decides to move to Califonia who will take custody of the child? You are taking too much for granted. I would say she is a lost cause myself and if you don't act, you may end up losing your daughter as well. California child custody laws are pretty tough to overcome if she decides to move and take your daughter with her.

 
Old 04-26-2004, 06:45 AM   #9
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,648
eightball61 HB User
Re: Stupidity???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
You really need to take the initiative here. If she decides to move to Califonia who will take custody of the child? You are taking too much for granted. I would say she is a lost cause myself and if you don't act, you may end up losing your daughter as well. California child custody laws are pretty tough to overcome if she decides to move and take your daughter with her.
It is tough with a child being involved but he has to do what is write for her and we all see that here. If he does move on hopefully things will beable to work in his favor and the courts will allow him to have sole custody of her.

 
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