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Old 04-23-2004, 05:07 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: south carolina
Posts: 978
excaliburgrl HB User
uh oh

hi all,
i know you've all been keeping up on the drama in my household...things have actually been going okay...lance stays away from the computer as much as possible and we've been working on our know, lack of romance, affection, etc....he's even been more open about things he would like to try in the bedroom...yay...i've been waiting for him to open up like that since we've been together...

but the reason i'm posting is this...i went to the doc yesterday cause i've been having tummy problems for the past year and they've intensified this last month...they started back when i first got suspicions of lance and got this bad when everything came out...get the picture?

i have to go see a specialist cause they think it might be an ulcer...if it is, i don't want lance to make the connection and blame himself...yeah, he may have caused it, but it's not his fault...he can control his actions, but he can't control my reactions...

i'm really scared about all of this...i hate seeing docs as it is, but finding out this is more than just a tummy bug freaks me out...lance says he's taking a day of leave the day of my appt so he can be there with me...he doesn't want me to be alone in this....i'm thrilled about that...i don't want to be alone either, but him showing he will be there makes me realize that he really does care about me....

what can i say to him if it is an ulcer and he tries blaming himself? i don't want him to feel any more guilty than he already does....

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Old 04-23-2004, 06:17 AM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 835
newlywedgurl HB User
Re: uh oh

Don't worry about him!! Worry about YOU sweetie!! It's not your responsibility to make him feel better about hurting you. It's his responsibility to make YOU feel better about him hurting you. And if you have an have got to calm down a bit. Let him take care of you for a while. You deserve it and he needs to do that. Another way of redeeming himself. He's not an idiot, either, hon. He'll know damn well what it's from. ANd why shouldn't he? You don't have to rub it in, but maybe it'll serve as a wake-up call if nothing else has. SOunds like he's behaving himself. Don't rock the boat yet!

Old 04-23-2004, 06:27 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 734
promisez HB User
Re: uh oh

Two ways. First is the serious way, just explaining whats going on and take it from there or I would take the "Davie" approach. Eat four bean burritos and then go to a movie. When someone asks why the air is so umm.. polluted... blame the popcorn Its all about timing. Just because this happened at a certain time does not mean thats the cause or the reason for it. Heck, you just may want to use this analogy. Right now being afraid is OK but also remember that by going to the Dr you are learning what that enemy is inside you so you can get the proper ammo to deal with it and get rid of it. I'm not getting a bad feeling so I believe you will be OK. I always cover my butt though, Rach is on my prayer list, the special one that never has more then 1 person on it.

Old 04-23-2004, 07:19 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: south carolina
Posts: 978
excaliburgrl HB User
Re: uh oh

thanks you guys...i know, i should be more worried about myself at this codependence just kicks in once in a while....

i do feel really good about lance going with me...he knows i get scared at the doctors...i'm not looking forward to going but it will be nice to find out why i'm sick all the time...and since i will never know what exactly did cause this, i will never let him take the blame for it...

just keep me in your prayers here...really bad timing, but if i wasn't fed up with it, i wouldn't have gone to the doctor...

lance is trying to take my mind off it i think...last night we played some board games together and i won both he didn't even let me win...

tonight, we have our banquet to go to and then we are playing games again...

oh and last night, lance even made dinner and put the leftovers away...i was quite pleased...he even told me not to worry about the cleaning and job searching right now...just wants me to, it is nice to know that he cares enough to help me out...

Old 04-23-2004, 07:47 AM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 835
newlywedgurl HB User
Re: uh oh

GOOD!!! Let him keep doing what he's doing.

Old 04-23-2004, 08:01 AM   #6
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 548
Salinas1 HB User
Re: uh oh

excaliburgrl, I am sure you have already been given info on what they do for ulcers these days. You may know that bacteria called H-Pylori cause the vast majority of ulcers. There is a regimen of two weeks of medication (primarily antibiotics) that, if this is the cause, clears it up completely. This may or may not be the source of your problem, but if they suspect an ulcer, there is a very good chance it is.

I would also recommend you read a very good book on the absolute connection between stress and disease. The book is called, "Why Zebras Donít Get Ulcers: An Updated Guide To Stress, Stress Related Diseases, and Coping".

It is a fun and very informative read. Some may apply some may not, but there is no doubt that stomach and digestive disorders are physiologically tied to stress and personality trait.

Wish you all the best.

Old 04-23-2004, 08:32 AM   #7
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,636
eightball61 HB User
Re: uh oh

Well its good to hear things are on the rise and he's taking time to be with you when you go to the doctor's. It seems he does really want to make this work and thats great. You are still keeping to your end of the stick and thats taking things one step at a time.

I hope all goes well with the specialist

Old 04-23-2004, 08:47 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,324
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: uh oh

I know this is a bit off topic but you have mentioned having problems finding a job. Have you tried looking on base??? The Family Support center can be a great place to try,they normally have job listings for stuff on base and can help you search off base as well. Or you can go to your local unemployment office and sign up there. I know here in Utah they have it set up that you go in and set up things and then for the next three months they will send you notices through the mail on job opening that you might be interested in.
By doing those two things it might ease your stress on looking for a job and hence ease problems around the house.
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

Old 04-23-2004, 11:57 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: south carolina
Posts: 978
excaliburgrl HB User
Re: uh oh

i've done that already...i've even gone to job searching classes on base...but no luck....aafes doesn't even have anything posted to hire for right now...but thanks anyways for the suggestions

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