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Old 04-23-2004, 04:31 PM   #1
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mjmaciver HB User
Having Problems

I don't know what I have to do to get a girl to date me. I mean I understand that I have limited confidence [removed] at 24 years old will do that to you) But I'm honestly a really nice guy and I'm pretty good looking. I mean, It's not like I've had my face lit on fire and put out with an axe or anything. Well, I have a bodybuilder figure so I understand that that limits me in my girl search but I only started bodybuilding like 3 years ago, this problem dates back to when I was 15. Basically in a nut shell, I know that confidence is a big part of women's interest in men, but if a man had no confidence but other redeeming qualities wouldn't that make up for it?

I just don't understand what women want me to do.

anyways, if anyone repiles thanks for your help.

talk to ya later
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Last edited by Guardian; 04-23-2004 at 06:33 PM. Reason: comment removed

 
Old 04-23-2004, 04:39 PM   #2
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Joseph Orion HB User
Re: Having Problems

For me, I just think about what I have to lose. And what the worst could happen. And truly, the worst case is that you are where you were 5 minutes before you started talking to a girl.

A buddy of mine had a problem with talking to a group of girls and I had nothing to lose so I just went over and talked to them and ended up bringing them all back to our table. At the end of the night, one of the girls said it took a lot of guts to approach a whole table of females all by myself and that it turned them on and stuff lol I dunno. You have nothing to lose. I'm 23 so I'm around the same age as you. I say just go for it. Fun stuff can happen or you will just be back where you were 5 minutes prior. Life's too short

If you don't have a lot of confidence, get a buddy to be your wingman, that always works too.

 
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:47 PM   #3
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Having Problems

I would rather see girls respond to this since I am interested but as a guys point of view you shouldn't be looking fo a compitition. Girls are not a prize and your not going to win them because you are buff or you look like Tom Cruz. i will be honest and say that there are some girls out there and thats all they look for and those relationships don't last because they find somone else that they think may be better looking. You want a girl that will respect you for you and thats it. That will be the girl that will become a great wife.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 05:53 AM   #4
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Daniel.B HB User
Re: Having Problems

I guess I'm in the same spot as you - to a degree.

I am only a newbie to this website, however, I do know that it dosen't matter how big you arms are, or how much you can bench press.

Any man can "buff" up, and look good! But it takes a real man to push himself into situations, open up and once in a while where his heart on his sleave.

Try it and see how you go!

Good luck Bud.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 06:21 AM   #5
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cloverberry HB User
Re: Having Problems

maybe you're trying too hard. Just talking to a girl you shouldn't start asking her out right away. Talk to her awhile then you can ask if she'd like to do something with you some time. If she says yes, don't start on her right away asking when. Ask her for a phone number and call her in a few days. Maybe you're going after the wrong girls. Are you only looking at the beautiful women? You should talk to everyone not just the beauties. They start looking different to you as you get to know them. You may come across a girl who doesn't say too much but that's probably because she's just shy. Give her a chance too. I was one of those shy girls. I had a hard time talking to any one but not too many people gave me a chance either. I think a lot of people just thought I was stuck up and didn't want to talk to them.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 06:37 AM   #6
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Having Problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by cloverberry
Maybe you're going after the wrong girls. Are you only looking at the beautiful women?
This could be true, you mental thinking maybe that you need a girl that that looks like Tara Banks. If so then you need to broaden up your selection to see what else is out there. You don't need to impress anyone except yourself. So who cares if you don't have that pretty girl, just be happy you are with someone you care for.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 05:32 PM   #7
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mjmaciver HB User
Re: Having Problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by cloverberry
maybe you're trying too hard. Just talking to a girl you shouldn't start asking her out right away.
That's a really good point, But I'm kind of the opposite, I think I wait too long to ask a girl out. It's like I get to know her too much. what is a decent time to wait coming from a girl's point of view?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cloverberry
I had a hard time talking to any one but not too many people gave me a chance either. I think a lot of people just thought I was stuck up and didn't want to talk to them.
Yeah that's me, how did you break out of your shyness? I find that even if a friend were to introduce me to someone I still have a really hard time talking to them, I start to get all fidgetty and nervous and my voice will crack up. Oh yeah, that's right, Just call me Dr. Smooth.

thanks for all the replies so far

talk to ya later
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Old 04-24-2004, 08:14 PM   #8
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Having Problems

You didn't really give any specifics. Do girls turn you down? Are you waiting for them to make the first move? Are you really picky? Do you just never meet single girls? It would be hard to give a woman's perspective without knowing more.
Some woman are turned off by bodybuilders. I guess you could say that there is a preconcieved notion about them. That they are not real smart, spend all their free time in the gym, that they are superfical about looks, like they expect their date to be zero bodyfat too. I've never really been attracted to bodybuilders, but if one with the right personality came by I'd give him the time of day.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 10:29 PM   #9
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Aphelius HB User
Re: Having Problems

I decided i should reply, but i'm not sure what to say because i'm in the same situation as the person who originally posted. Also i was wondering if anyone could give some suggestions as to where to meet people? Or suggestions for a place for one to get out to if they are alone on a saturday night and everyone is out doing something except you....

Aphy

 
Old 04-25-2004, 09:45 AM   #10
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cloverberry HB User
Re: Having Problems

[QUOTE=mjmaciver]That's a really good point, But I'm kind of the opposite, I think I wait too long to ask a girl out. It's like I get to know her too much. what is a decent time to wait coming from a girl's point of view?

I would tell the person you'd like to ask out that you enjoy their company. Ask her if she'd be interested in going out with you sometime, if the answer is yes, then ask for her phone number. Call her in the next couple of days.



[QUOTE=mjmaciver]Yeah that's me, how did you break out of your shyness? I find that even if a friend were to introduce me to someone I still have a really hard time talking to them, I start to get all fidgetty and nervous and my voice will crack up. Oh yeah, that's right, Just call me Dr. Smooth.

I think therapy got me out of my shyness but I started therapy for another problem.

Last edited by cloverberry; 04-25-2004 at 09:46 AM.

 
Old 04-25-2004, 09:55 AM   #11
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Having Problems

My husband didn't meet the right person until he was 33 - and it wasn't because of his appearance OR his pecs...
It was because he hadn't met me!!!!

Don't worry so much about whether or not you've met someone. It'll happen, honest.
Just go about being the best person you can be, volunteer at a shelter or a hospital - you'll be amazed where all the nice caring folks are hanging out...

 
Old 04-26-2004, 06:34 AM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Having Problems

You know a book or CD may help you but I wouldn't go that route. Everyone has there own style of trying to pick up a girl. What you need to do is figure out how you go about this. The best things are don't be afraid and go to the girl with confidence.

 
Old 04-26-2004, 07:49 AM   #13
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Having Problems

I agree that you might be trying TOO hard. THe shyness, though, is likely WHY you are trying so hard. Eightball is right...every guy (and girl) has their own style....but if you are thinking too much about it, it ends up coming across as insincere, forced, and fake. Not to mention creepy. We had a discussion on this not too long ago...that people who try too hard can come across as the serial-killer-do-you-want-some-candy-little-girl-step-into-my-van kinda guy......

You say you wait too long to ask them out....how long are you waiting? A bit more info and specifics would help us to better advise you....

 
Old 04-26-2004, 08:29 AM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Having Problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl

You say you wait too long to ask them out....how long are you waiting? ...

I am taking a stab at this but can relate. I am guessing he is spending more time trying to get to know them before he make the final move. The thing that may be holding him up is fear. Fear can play a major role of of asking a girl out. By waiting last minute these girls are tired of waiting so they move on. I been there before and it sux

 
Old 04-26-2004, 08:32 AM   #15
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Having Problems

That is what dating is for.....getting to know someone. SOmetimes you can have one date and know that "I can't spend another second in this person's presence." But if you are chatting with a girl and you two seem to hit it off, see if she wants to get together and hang out.....you are dating without "dating."

 
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