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Old 04-27-2004, 06:33 PM   #1
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Outcst HB User
Unhappy Do I stay, go ,other???

Ok here is my story, I'll try to keep it short: I'm 24 my bf is 28, been dateing 6 months, lived together for about 4, we're friends for a long time before.
He is my first real bf. I am disabled(unablet o work and on gov assistance), and the blunt truth is no guys are interested in me. Although there is someone I am interested in (actaly in love with, he was a friend of a friend that I don't see anymore). I only dated my bf in the first place because I was bored and loney, same as anyone in the past (the difference is they were horrable, often abusive, to me). He was attracted to me for a long time, so I just gave in.
Fast forward to the presant.... He is in love with me, and I am not with him. I used to love him plutonicly(sp?) but I dont think I even feel that anymore. I find it very hard to be with someone I am not mentaly or physicly attracted to. I see us as a really terrable match. But... I dont want to leave as I can not handle being alone and I know this makes me sound like a horrable person but he helps support me financhaly. And I really don't want to hurt him, he is the only person in my life who has ever loved me and I do care for him as a friend. We have talked many times about me being unhappy, he said he loves me alot and will try to change, but honestly there is nothing he can change to help. I have told him I do not love him and he is ok with it and want to try and win my love. He also knows aout the guy I am in love with. I'm so confused. I really dont see leaving as an option so please help me out with any other options. I really don't want to hurt him, but I also cant stand being in pain myself. Should I bring up seeing other people maby? . Help.

Last edited by Outcst; 04-27-2004 at 06:33 PM.

 
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Old 04-27-2004, 06:59 PM   #2
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Brooke~Lynn HB User
Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

you can not stay with him becase you want his finacial suport, the fact is he loves you and you are kind of taking advatage of that....you said moving out isnt an option, but in my opinion neither is staying....you said you just dont feel the same way he does, how is it fair to him (or you) to stay when your heart is pulling you in other directions?
i think if you want to see other ppl then that is fine but i think you better move out first....believe me i speak from experience! it will get nasty if you stay there and he has to see you come prancing in after a date and just totally break his heart because he cant make you feel like that.....THAT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR TO HIM!
maybe you meant move out and see other ppl but that is just how i took it...sorry if i am wrong.
there has got to be some way you can move out and still have enough money to live on....there are tons of government help programs, dont stay if that is your reason....
maybe someone else can offer some more advice....
sorry if i seemed rude i didnt mean to be.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 06:12 AM   #3
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Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

Um....let's see.....

Quote:
He is in love with me, and I am not with him. I used to love him plutonicly(sp?) but I dont think I even feel that anymore. I find it very hard to be with someone I am not mentaly or physicly attracted to. I see us as a really terrable match.
And then there's the

Quote:
We have talked many times about me being unhappy, he said he loves me alot and will try to change, but honestly there is nothing he can change to help. I have told him I do not love him and he is ok with it and want to try and win my love. He also knows aout the guy I am in love with.
And the question of the day.....drumroll please!!........

Quote:
Should I bring up seeing other people maby?
Uh, ya think????

 
Old 04-28-2004, 06:17 AM   #4
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Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

I think that you owe it to the both of you to split up whether it be that he moves out or you move out.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 06:34 AM   #5
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

I'm going to come off rude, but You want honesty or sugarcoat.

Your so CONFUSED? About what? You got a GUY who loves you, Supports you, Cares for YOU and all you can say for yourself is I'm confused because I don't love him and I love someone else.

THEN stop whining, stop living off of him, stop thinking about yourself being alone, go after that guy you say you love and live off of him.

Let this NICE guy who you do not love!
GO.......Let some NICE girl Have him WHO will appreicate him like you don't because YOUR in love with someone else and because IF you CARE about him as you said YOU DO but only as a friend...
THEN friends don't make friends miserable or used as you are doing to this guy.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 07:12 AM   #6
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always confuzed HB User
Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

IMO what u are doing is very selfish and inconsiderate and down right raunchy. How would u feel if you found out that someone u love was doing the same to u??
u owe it to urself and to that poor man to end it before he is further crushed.
To stay only because well hes supporting me. You are taking advantage of his kindness. Then us other women wonder why there arent nice guys around anymore.
sorry if im rude but there is only one obvious option here and u are only further wronging him every day that u are there. its good u told him that u dont share the same feelings yada yada but thats going to be hard for him to believe if ur still around.
what u are doing is wrong and deep down u must know that. to use him for his money and only using that for a reason to stay....well ill just end my post here. i feel for the poor guy.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 08:16 AM   #7
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Destea HB User
Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

You really are taking advantage of him, I understand you say you're disabled and have a hard time finding men who express any interest - but this isn't an issue you can place on this man you're currently with. It isn't right, you're using him - that can't make you feel very good about yourself, let alone him!

Do yourself - and him - a favor, let this one go... you're only going to hurt him worse in the long run.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 08:37 AM   #8
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Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

In reading some of Outcasts other posts, I doubt she is phycially disabled, if you know what I mean. Thats why her post here just dont "sound" right.
She also has some inconsistancies in her "story". One post says her mom supports her financially and this one says her BF helps. This post she asks if should leave him. Other post says she lives in a house her mother owns. And not that I care what ANYONES sexual preference is, she also said that she is bi. This may also have something to do with her "situation".
Please pass the "grain of salt".
__________________
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A large group of professionals built the Titanic

Last edited by Tomsgirl; 04-29-2004 at 06:04 AM.

 
Old 04-28-2004, 08:49 AM   #9
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Destea HB User
Re: Do I stay, go ,other???

Yikes... sounds like a case of needing something to post eh?

 
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