It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-29-2004, 08:16 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 59
commited HB User
Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Lately,Ive been really jealous in my relaionship.Im afraid that my boyfriend will cheat on me.He has NEVER given me any reason to think this,he doesnt even talk to other girls when were together and I know that I can trust him but its almost like I dont trust the girls that are around him because Im a girl and I know how girls work.We have been together about a year and I do love him but the thought of this happening (I know he wouldnt) is almost too much for me and it makes me sick to think about it.I dont want to ruin this relationship by being jealous,it seems like every girl I see is a threat and thats not healthy for this relationship and its not healthy for me.Ive never been a jealous person so I need to know WHY Im like this now and how I can get over these terrible feelings?
Please Help!

 
Old 04-29-2004, 09:02 PM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 52
Shy Bunny HB User
Lightbulb Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

hey commited,
Just wanted to let you a know that quite a handful of us have posted on a very similar issue under the "personality disorder" section. I dont have any answer for this problem since I too, am in the same position as you. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now and although I used to get jealous off and on, it's gotten worse lately... and just like you, what makes it worse is that my boyfriend doesnt do anything to imply that he is looking at other women. I wish I could get over this jealousy thing... it really ruins my mood around him and also affects our relationship

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-29-2004, 09:04 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 167
msloquacious HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

I used to be the same way, but I talked w/my BF about my own insecurities, and he and I have worked out compromises so that I can feel more secure in our relationship, and he can still talk to other females and not have to be rude to them.

I guess it ultimately boils down to whether or not you trust *him,* b/c if you do, you know that any girl who makes an advance towards him will be shut down immediately, and ultimately whatever happens, he will still remain faithful to you.

It might be a good idea to figure out what is causing your insecurity, too. Is it something *he* can help you with? Is it something that you need to work through on your own?

Good luck! I hope you can get over this hurdle!

 
Old 04-29-2004, 09:22 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 38
libbie6 HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

are these girls you wrote about coming on to him or something when you're around, or is this just paranoia coming from you? Just wondering-

 
Old 04-30-2004, 07:50 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rocking IN. USA
Posts: 1,051
Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

This is one of those posts where knowing what age bracket we are dealing with would really help put things into perspective. There is a certain age bracket where these type of feelings are considered somewhat normal and not out of the ordinary.

 
Old 04-30-2004, 08:00 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,589
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
This is one of those posts where knowing what age bracket we are dealing with would really help put things into perspective. There is a certain age bracket where these type of feelings are considered somewhat normal and not out of the ordinary.
VERY TRUE.

 
Old 04-30-2004, 08:45 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rocking IN. USA
Posts: 1,051
Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
VERY TRUE.
Oh! I forgot to mention. That age bracket is from the day you are born until the day you die. But, if you apply statistics, the normal distribution is concentrated within a narrow age bracket of within a few contiguous years.

 
Old 04-30-2004, 09:04 AM   #8
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by commited
Lately,Ive been really jealous in my relaionship.Im afraid that my boyfriend will cheat on me.He has NEVER given me any reason to think this,he doesnt even talk to other girls when were together and I know that I can trust him but its almost like I dont trust the girls that are around him because Im a girl and I know how girls work.We have been together about a year and I do love him but the thought of this happening (I know he wouldnt) is almost too much for me and it makes me sick to think about it.I dont want to ruin this relationship by being jealous,it seems like every girl I see is a threat and thats not healthy for this relationship and its not healthy for me.Ive never been a jealous person so I need to know WHY Im like this now and how I can get over these terrible feelings?
Please Help!

I feel you. I too was in the same position that you are in. I know how guys work and I was afraid to lose that special someone. It took a lot and some fighting to get things across.

She understands my feeling towards this and is willing to help anyway. I don't hold her back from hanging with other guys because that is wrong. The worse thing I could do is say no.

Trust is the true player here. If you trust him then allow him to go out. If he talks to another girl it doesn't mean he is showing interest. The worse thing you could do is hold him back.

The only ways I have found to fight this was keep yourself active if he is out. Don't pull a guilt trip to keep him around because eventually he will catch on. Talk to him, tell him you trust him to go out but let him know your concerns. If you feel don't feel safe have him call you at certain points to the night to keep in touch.

Hope its works out

 
Old 04-30-2004, 10:18 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: south carolina
Posts: 978
excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

i still think insecurities sometimes stem from becoming attached to someone...you fall in love and then you think of what life would be like without them in it...i was never a jealous or insecure person until i met my husband...

ironically enough, i had never been cheated on before till i met my husband either...hmmm...

i wish i had some real advice to give....

hoop, i would be very interested in hearing some of those statistics...

 
Old 04-30-2004, 11:14 AM   #10
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
i still think insecurities sometimes stem from becoming attached to someone...you fall in love and then you think of what life would be like without them in it...i was never a jealous or insecure person until i met my husband...

ironically enough, i had never been cheated on before till i met my husband either...hmmm...

i wish i had some real advice to give....

hoop, i would be very interested in hearing some of those statistics...
We don't get this way for no reason. Something makes us this way and you say that you were never like this but look at what he put you through for a while. That is always going to be with you even if you try to forget it...

 
Old 04-30-2004, 01:25 PM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 38
libbie6 HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

I agree with that too. If you truly didn't care at all what the other person was doing, how strong are your feelings then? Of course I'm not talking about controlling someone, I just mean if you care, you want to protect what you have. That's normal.

 
Old 04-30-2004, 09:50 PM   #12
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 59
commited HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Thanks for the replies...

We are both twenty years of age and have been together about a year.

I was NEVER like this before him and Ive been in my fair share of relationships but none that were nearly as serious as this one.I love him alot and plan on having a future with him but I NEED to get over this jealousy thing because when I get jealous I get in a bad mood and thats no fun for either of us.

 
Old 05-02-2004, 06:25 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,589
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by commited
Thanks for the replies...

We are both twenty years of age and have been together about a year.

I was NEVER like this before him and Ive been in my fair share of relationships but none that were nearly as serious as this one.I love him alot and plan on having a future with him but I NEED to get over this jealousy thing because when I get jealous I get in a bad mood and thats no fun for either of us.
We have all been there at one time or another in our lives...I too was Very jealous when I was your age, I didn't have any reason to be jealous regarding my boyfriend because he truly love me, he would have never cheated on me yada yada yada...I was so insecure about my self back then, don't know why but I was and I hated it, hated the feeling, and like you said it an't no fun.
I did continue to be a jealous girlfriend thru the years, I pretended I wasn't, tried to stay cool around pretty girls - but deep down I was jealous -

Hon, all I can say is let it go...Let the insecurites go...If something is going to happen, it's going to happen...You really can't control what another person does, but as we always say - We can Control Our emotions, we also forget about ourselves when we are soooo in love, we focus everything on the person we love and think we will Die without that person,and if he or she ever cheats we will die....No we won't....

Well, maybe because I'm older now - but damn,,,I am not insecure anymore, I love my boyfriend and he loves me, gives me NO reason to think he would cheat...and IF he did...I was would broken hearted but I would move onto.

Tell yourself,,,,there are always going to be young beautiful girls around forever and we will all age at some time in our lives....including those hot girls.
Focus on Feeling Good about yourself and girl, Have FUN!

 
Old 05-02-2004, 11:01 AM   #14
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: US
Posts: 406
cloverberry HB User
Re: Jealousy is ruining my relationship

there's always going to be someone around but it's up to the guy whether he's goes after another girl and since you so sure of your guy don't let it show that you feel this way. If you need to talk to someone about it vent to a girlfriend but make sure she knows you trust your guy or out of concern for you she'll be telling you to leave him. Just talk to her without wanting answers.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
The road to hell is paved with Jealousy? desertgirl Relationship Health 7 02-20-2008 12:05 PM
Is my jealousy and insecurity normal? Or am I destroying my relationship? Help. ~Tyger~ Relationship Health 10 02-13-2008 06:04 AM
Jealousy rears its head!! Please please take a moment to advise dkennedy2007 Relationship Health 23 06-07-2007 03:11 PM
Jealousy/Trust Issues? Megan_xox Relationship Health 14 02-03-2007 06:43 AM
Serious jealousy/trust issues... need help (long) Batboy08 Relationship Health 6 10-27-2006 08:05 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (254), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1166), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (899), Titchou (835), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:00 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!