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Old 05-03-2004, 08:01 AM   #1
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How do I tell her?

One of my co-workers sent me a text message with a link to a site where people post nude pictures of themselves and others. The post was labelled "Ex-GF" and had nude pictures of our newest female intern. Definitely her from the tattoo on the back of her neck. Do I tell her? How? I feel she has a right to know there are pictures of her out there.

I haven't spoken to her at work beyond a 5 second hallway introduction. She works in another department, so we don't normally cross paths during the rare times I'm actually in the building. There was a sexual harrassment incident while I was in Australia for a month and the whole male/female vibe in the place is very negative right now. The only woman that I know in her department is her boss.

Help me out here!
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Old 05-03-2004, 08:05 AM   #2
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Re: How do I tell her?

Well if this site allow people to post these pictures then how do you know she posted then herself? Since she is new I would just let it be. You don't want her to feel uncomfortable at her new job nor even get harassed. The work place is not a place that you want to bring this subect up either. I would just ignore the situation and leave it to someone else because this could cause a good deal of embaressment for her.

 
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Old 05-03-2004, 08:17 AM   #3
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Re: How do I tell her?

Does it make a difference if she knows or not? I mean, can she remove the pictures if it wasn't her doing? If she can't remove them, then maybe ignorance is bliss. If you think she can remove them, you could always just send her an anonomous email asking "is this you?" and then the website link.

 
Old 05-03-2004, 08:55 AM   #4
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Re: How do I tell her?

If I were her, I'd want to know. (Although you can't be sure that she doesn't already know.) I think sending it to her anonomously is a good idea. Do you have an anonomous yahoo or hotmail address? I can understand your hesitation in wanting to tell her personally.

 
Old 05-03-2004, 09:43 AM   #5
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Re: How do I tell her?

What if its an ex who put pictures up??? She can begin to be harassed, if your co workers are spreading the literature--its harassment in a form. I'd certainly see that she gets informed--ANNON or by you. I wouldn't appreciate my cowk'rs getting the pictures of me and enjoying them at my expense.

 
Old 05-03-2004, 09:52 AM   #6
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
What if its an ex who put pictures up??? She can begin to be harassed, if your co workers are spreading the literature--its harassment in a form. I'd certainly see that she gets informed--ANNON or by you. I wouldn't appreciate my cowk'rs getting the pictures of me and enjoying them at my expense.
It could be an ex that put those pictures up and it if thats the case then it needs to be addressed. I do agree that he tells her anonomously but work is not the place to do it.

 
Old 05-03-2004, 10:01 AM   #7
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by trystme
If I were her, I'd want to know. (Although you can't be sure that she doesn't already know.) I think sending it to her anonomously is a good idea. Do you have an anonomous yahoo or hotmail address? I can understand your hesitation in wanting to tell her personally.
Good call! If you can let her know anonymously, I would tell her. I think she has the right to know and I would definitely want to know.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 07:26 AM   #8
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by supertrooper
Do I tell her? How? I feel she has a right to know there are pictures of her out there.
I bet she already knows, or soon will. A guy who would post nude pics of his ex-girlfriend is a guy who will tell someone about it. I suspect she'll get the information via her own personal network sooner or later.

What you might want to do, considering the atmosphere at your work place, is mention to your other co-worker that sharing the link isn't exactly politic and he should probably stop doing it.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 07:39 AM   #9
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Re: How do I tell her?

I wouldn't tell her at all. Basically either she took those pictures herself or allowed someone to take them with her full knowledge. Therefore she knew the risks. She probably won't think anything of it except a little embarrassed that her colleagues know. Lots of women allow these sorts of pictures to take place and we all are intelligent enough to know once that cosy relationship is over, we run a risk. I'd say, say nothing. It would be more embarrassing for her to know YOU know than not to know at all because she may want to leave her employment knowing all her colleagues know this about her, so keep quiet on it.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 06:32 AM   #10
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Re: How do I tell her?

UPDATE

The co-worker that sent me the original message takes the same bus route home that she does. She got off at her stop and as the bus pulled away he sent an anonymous bluetooth message to her phone with the link. The pictures have since been taken down at the site.

I asked him who else he sent the link to and he admitted that he sent it to 3 other interns here. I've called an informal brownbag lunch meeting to discuss appropriate workplace behavior and proper use of company equipment.
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Old 05-05-2004, 06:57 AM   #11
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by supertrooper
UPDATE

The co-worker that sent me the original message takes the same bus route home that she does. She got off at her stop and as the bus pulled away he sent an anonymous bluetooth message to her phone with the link. The pictures have since been taken down at the site.

I asked him who else he sent the link to and he admitted that he sent it to 3 other interns here. I've called an informal brownbag lunch meeting to discuss appropriate workplace behavior and proper use of company equipment.

Its good that he took the chance and sent the pictures to her and you did the right thing on talking to you other co-workers about workplace behavior. Hopefully, this didn't scare her off from work. This could be somthing that she did on personal time but its good she know because an ex. could have put them up on the net.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 09:34 AM   #12
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Re: How do I tell her?

Well handled all around, then. I'm glad to know how it worked out.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 10:01 AM   #13
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Re: How do I tell her?

kudos to you...i think this was handled very well...i hate that people deal with porn and such at the workplace...you should be working, not being aroused...my hubby's computers at work are monitered so nobody gets involved in such things...

 
Old 05-06-2004, 03:18 PM   #14
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Well if this site allow people to post these pictures then how do you know she posted then herself? Since she is new I would just let it be. You don't want her to feel uncomfortable at her new job nor even get harassed. The work place is not a place that you want to bring this subect up either. I would just ignore the situation and leave it to someone else because this could cause a good deal of embaressment for her.
The subject has already been brought up in the workplace by his co-worker texting it around the office. I'd say you have an obligation to tell her. If she finds out, and finds out you knew and didn't tell, you could be exposed to sexual harrassment charges yourself. have you evern heard the saying "evil thrives when good men do nothing?" It would be wrong for you to ignore it and wait for someone else to do the right thing. You know what the right thing is. Gather your courage and do it.

 
Old 05-06-2004, 03:22 PM   #15
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Re: How do I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruthaboutLife
I wouldn't tell her at all. Basically either she took those pictures herself or allowed someone to take them with her full knowledge. Therefore she knew the risks. She probably won't think anything of it except a little embarrassed that her colleagues know. Lots of women allow these sorts of pictures to take place and we all are intelligent enough to know once that cosy relationship is over, we run a risk. I'd say, say nothing. It would be more embarrassing for her to know YOU know than not to know at all because she may want to leave her employment knowing all her colleagues know this about her, so keep quiet on it.
Taking that risk could hurt you as well. All I can tell you is if it were me, and I gave nude photos of myself to my boyfriend, loving him and trusting him that they are for his eyes only, then we broke up and he decided to be small and put them on a web site and someone at work got hold of the link and texted the link around my work, I'd sue whomever my lawyer told me I could for sexual harrassment, and if I could sue anyone who received the link and didn't tell, if I could get them reprimanded or suspended, I would. You should tell to cover your own rear as much as for her sake. Sexual harrassment is not something to take lightly these days.

 
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