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Old 05-03-2004, 10:56 PM   #1
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soulster HB User
Is my friend wrong?

Just a question. My friend is inlove with a guy who already has committed himself to marrying another girl... although he himself is not so sure about it, he is telling that other girl that he is sure he wants to work things out with her ( wether she fully believes him or not is unknown).. This girl thinks of him as her boyfriend and this guy has told my friend that she says she loves him all the time, and she does not know that he is seeing other girls.... he also tells my friend that he tells this girl if she finds someone else, then she should go for him, other times he will say he loves her, but not inlove with her...
So, what he is doing is obviously wrong... is my friend also at fault by continuing to see him off and on and chatting with him daily on the computer in the hopes of making him fall for her since the other girl knows nothing of her and thinks that she is in a committed relationship?? I hope that was clear

Last edited by soulster; 05-03-2004 at 10:58 PM.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 04:32 AM   #2
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

I believe the best question to ask your friend is "Why would you expect this guy to be faithful or even honest with you when he's cheating on someone else to be with you? Don't be upset when you get dumped when someone new comes along." Then it's her decision how bad she wants to screw up her life.

 
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Old 05-04-2004, 10:18 AM   #3
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Everyone has told her everything.. it has been going on for over a year now.. and instead of completely breaking it off with him, everyt time he pulls another stunt or treats her badly she goes off about what a jeerk, ******* and evil person he is. I am just fed up and now I feel like she is not the angel anymore, after all she is with him knowing full well that another girl out there is under the mistaken impression that she has a committed loving relationship that is going to turn into a marriage soon... I have told her that what she is doing is just as bad as what he is doing and she states that she does not think so... that it is up to him and his fault for cheating on this girl, not hers... why should she take such a responsibility...
What do you guys think... is she totally innocent of all wrong by participating in this reltionship? I feel she is.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 10:36 AM   #4
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

no she is NOT innocent...it takes two to cheat...plain and simple...

 
Old 05-04-2004, 10:41 AM   #5
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

It doesn't matter what we think, nor should it matter what you think. I know your trying to be a good friend but NO one is an angel...Don't be so hard on your friend, don't judge her for her mistakes, she is in love with this guy and can not see clearly.

Be her friend, be there when she needs you and if you want to be there for her, don't place her on a pedal still and then knock her down because she is making a mistake with some guy. She will figure it out on her own...She is fooling herself in beleiving otherwise, but who hasn't....Love is Blind and one day she will take off the SUN glasses and see the sun is shining else where.

Just be a friend to her, the guy is not worth her losing you as a friend and vise versa, if your sick of hearing about the guy, tell her you'll be her friend for as long as she doesn't mention the loser...

 
Old 05-04-2004, 02:01 PM   #6
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
Everyone has told her everything.. it has been going on for over a year now.. and instead of completely breaking it off with him, everyt time he pulls another stunt or treats her badly she goes off about what a jeerk, ******* and evil person he is. I am just fed up and now I feel like she is not the angel anymore, after all she is with him knowing full well that another girl out there is under the mistaken impression that she has a committed loving relationship that is going to turn into a marriage soon... I have told her that what she is doing is just as bad as what he is doing and she states that she does not think so... that it is up to him and his fault for cheating on this girl, not hers... why should she take such a responsibility...
What do you guys think... is she totally innocent of all wrong by participating in this reltionship? I feel she is.
First of all, your friend's man doesn't just have another girlfriend, he has a fiance. And why are you so sure his fiance is under the "mistaken" impression that she will be his wife soon? Did he propose and give her a ring? Why do you say it will lead to marriage soon? If they are officially engaged, it seems he does have every intention of marrying this girl and your friend is just some last minute spice, just some wild oates he's sowing before he settles down. I think your friend is wrong in thinking she has any future with this man. Men NEVER tell a woman "if you meet another guy, go for it" unless he's trying to tell her, without actually saying the actual words, "I don't love you, I'm not committed to you, I'm not in this for the long haul, so don't wait around for me." Your friend needs to cut this guy loose before she receives his wedding invitation in the mail, or she's in for a world of hurt.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 02:04 PM   #7
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

It does take 2 to cheat but she is doing this to herself. If you all have tried everything then just let her be and have her learn life the hard way. I am sure you learned so why can't it be her turn.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 03:39 PM   #8
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Hey, eightball, I dont know if you are referring to my previous post... if so, quick update... I actually got married to that guy I was so fearful of marrying!!! And I am so happy... he is everything I wanted... he is wonderful and I saw a whole different side of him after we got married. So everything worked out after all and I dont think of that other guy anymore.
But when I was talking to them at the same time, during my moments of confusion, I knew I was doing the wrong thing... unlike my friend who does not, with great affirmity, think she is in the wrong AT ALL and that the entire fault is the guys! I will continue to be a friend to her and keep my opinions to myself if she cant see it... I know in the future when she is over him, she will see the picture a lot clearer and hopefully not make the same mistakes.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 07:05 PM   #9
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
Hey, eightball, I dont know if you are referring to my previous post... if so, quick update... I actually got married to that guy I was so fearful of marrying!!! And I am so happy... he is everything I wanted... he is wonderful and I saw a whole different side of him after we got married. So everything worked out after all and I dont think of that other guy anymore.
But when I was talking to them at the same time, during my moments of confusion, I knew I was doing the wrong thing... unlike my friend who does not, with great affirmity, think she is in the wrong AT ALL and that the entire fault is the guys! I will continue to be a friend to her and keep my opinions to myself if she cant see it... I know in the future when she is over him, she will see the picture a lot clearer and hopefully not make the same mistakes.

I understand that she think there is no wrong but she needs to learn these lessions herself if she doesn't listen to anyone. Sometimes there is only so much you can do and you have to let the other person be to learn about life. It seems there is not much more you can do.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 01:20 AM   #10
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

With regard to the original post and some other comments:

My two cents is this. The girl is NOT a cheat. She is doing nothing wrong. The guy IN the relationship is doing something wrong. She's not in a relationship with the other female....HE is....she owes no one nothing. He's the one with the responsibilities and duties not her.

Anyway, they aren't married yet are they? So all is fair in love and war I say.

PS. With his attitude anyway, don't hold your breath too long that he WILL marry that chick. Sounds rocky already doesn't it?

 
Old 05-05-2004, 06:50 AM   #11
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

[QUOTE=TruthaboutLife]
My two cents is this. The girl is NOT a cheat. She is doing nothing wrong. The guy IN the relationship is doing something wrong. She's not in a relationship with the other female....HE is....she owes no one nothing. He's the one with the responsibilities and duties not her.

[ /QUOTE]


Like Rob Base said "It Take Two"

Last edited by eightball61; 05-05-2004 at 06:50 AM.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 10:19 AM   #12
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

truth, how can you say that? she's pursuing a relationship with him even though she knows he's involved with another woman...that to me is wrong...and your comment about love and war being a part of it...gosh, i dont' want to sound mean, but it's women like you that we don't want our men to be around...it's not fair...i really don't intend for that to sound mean, but i think it's totally wrong to pursue someone that you know is already in a relationship...

 
Old 05-05-2004, 11:00 AM   #13
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Hey, that's what she says too... that they arent married yet... but the problem here is the guy has already told this girl that he would marry her in the coming future and so she thinks of him as her fiance at this point. I think that should be enough to call it quits and feel as if what you are doing may not be the right thing instead of pointing the blame on him. She even tells him herself to go ahead and marry her if that is what you want, but just to make up your mind. But ofcourse he cannot... he tells my friend he knows he wants to marry this girl but just not sure when( maybe becuase he has his own reservations but he will not admit that to anyone).... so they continue what they have while this other girl is under the impression she will soon be married! I honestly dont see how my friend sees she is doing nothing wrong... and I guess its just diffeerent strokes for different folks because she holds the same beliefs as the previous poster, I think her name was Truth.
I am not judging her and will stand by her, I just cant see logically or any other way how someone can do something like this and not be feeling as if they are doing something wrong... that it is ALL the guys responsiblity...

Last edited by soulster; 05-05-2004 at 11:09 AM.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 11:09 AM   #14
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
\I just cant see logically or any other way how someone can do something like this and not be feeling as if they are doing something wrong...
Thats just it there are some people in this world that don't see these view. Look at serial murders or rapist, these people are doing it all the time without seeing the wrong in it.

Now, I am not saying she is this messed up but I am using it as an example that each person has different views.

 
Old 05-05-2004, 11:12 AM   #15
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Re: Is my friend wrong?

yep, my view is this girl needs a swift kick in the butt...lol....

there's not much you can do for her at this point...she needs to realize herself that what she is doing isn't right, but i don't personally think she will...i feel so bad for the other girl...

 
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