Hi everyone, this is my first my first message and I am a little nervous. I have recently broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months and he wont accept it. I had recently found out that he was cheating on me with a woman named angela and that he was lying to me as well. When I confronted him about it he ended up slapping me. I have told him that this only happens once and that I will not be around to be hit the second time and as such am moving out and leaving him. When I originally moved out of the bedroom and into the spare he cried, apoligised and when I told him that I accepted his apology but would not be comming back he threatoned to commit suicide. He took the car keys and did not come back for 15 minutes. Everytime I talk to him he ends up giving me a guilt trip and saying he wishes that he could cut his hands off and that he did nothing to encourage angela (even though she beleives him to be her boyfriend). He then says that he will wait forever for me and that we will be back together one day. Last night he got me so upset that I cried untill the friend I was staying with took the phone off me and hung it up. He makes me feel as if I am in the wrong. I have now found a place away from him and will be moving there tonight. I am not telling him where it is, the only thing that I realy have left to do is move out all my stuff, but I cant do this with him there as he would accost me and I dont feel safe with him there. Please help me. Am I over reacting? Or just being prudent?
Good for you for getting out now and having the courage to leave him. It takes strength to stick to your guns to get away from someone like that.
You have not done anything wrong. Keep telling yourself that. You are not wrong for wanting to feel safe in a relationship. You are not wrong to be afraid of him. You are not wrong for knowing that his cry of suicide was an attempt to continue to control you. You are not wrong for knowing that he must encourage the other woman because she believes he's her boyfriend. His guilt trips are an attempt to continue to control you. Keep using that strength you've already shown by leaving him. If you have a moment of weakness, find someone who will be strong for you.
As for your belongings, is there anything that you absolutely need? If yes, then have a police escort. If you can replace your belongings, it might be worth it to you so that you can continue to be strong and keep your dignity.
He's in the wrong and not you. For one, he cheated on you so you should even be around this guy. Secondly, he is treating you like dirt. That is two negatives and you need away.
You may want to think about getting a restraining order on him. He slapped you and may be tempted to do it again. This guy abused you and may do it again. You need to get the protection order.
You need to keep your distance from him. A guy like this will put the quilt trip on you and turn things around like its your fault...its called verbal abuse and he physically abused you with a slap...GET OUT NOW...save yourself.
He sounds like an obsessive - AND ABUSIVE - boyfriend!! Stay far away from him. Or better yet RUN from him. Don't linger around! Once he hits you and cheats on you, he will do it again, again, again and again.
Please GET OUT! I have been in 2 obsessive relationships in the past. There was no cheating or lying, but possessiveness, jeolousy, suspicion, insecurity, etc. which lead to being held against my will and being pushed down, etc. You are not married to this cheating freak, so do not wait around for a second time. Anyone who says that they are going to kill themself is being selfish and manipulative. If he does do something to hurt himself (which he probably will not because the people who normally intend on doing it don't offer warnings), it will not be your fault. You deserve someone who is loyal and loving towards you, so the best thing that you can do is walk away. Cut it off completely and do not even talk to him. Keeping contact gives him hope and keeps you connected to him.
oh yes, definetely have somebody there with you when you get your stuff...i left a bad relationship years ago and i wouldn't go get my stuff until i had a friend go with me...sadly too much time had passed and he had burned half my and my deceased daughter's belongings...so please, get an escort or a friend to go with you right away if you really care about some of your stuff...he sounds like a dangerous guy and you need to get as far from him as you can...
Thanks for you help guys. I have moved out for sure and have told told him where, even though he asks. I am working hard at cutting ties but it is difficult. Thanks for all of your support with this.
I am feeling somewhat better now
Thing to be looking on the uprise but don't let his words get to you. Pending on how he may react but it may not have been a good idea to tell him where you moved. If he does harass you then you can seek legal action...Best wishes to you
He has now proposed marrage and given me till monday to 'think it over'. Nothing is going to make me change my mind. I could not be his girlfriend what makes him think that I would be his wife!?! What do I do? I dont want to hurt him but I can and will not change my mind. I can stop the fact that I love him but I will not change my mind. am I being stubborn or just doing what is right for me. HELP ME PLEASE!